home alone

home alone.
time to spoil myself with some nice things like...
hot, coffee flavoured bath
listening loud to Buena Vista Social Club on the gramophone
a glass of white wine
two-three spoonfulls of Nutella
and the latest translated in Bulgarian novel by Michael Cunningham - "Flesh and Blood"

sometimes it is good to be spoilt:)

inspiring day

inspiring day(I think I told u, there is something in the date of 23rd) :)
slumdog millionaire, controversial as it is, won 8 oscars
an indian friend invited me to a wedding
i am so happy for her and excited to think this is a good reason to buy a new saree, and learn to put it finally :)
i might be getting my visa and flying to delhi in a week
i had an amazing talk with the most unexpected person
on the essence of happiness and how to find it in life outside work and how doing the things we love attracts the right people in our lives
i had a lovely chat with a treasured friend. totally random, yet free and cheerful after a long time of some tension hanging in the air.
ideas forming in my head. plans for trips buzzing.
i think i need to get down to execution :)

snow

I woke up today to see the snow cover everything.
Under the white cover, the world is a bit more beautiful and calm. More divine.
Looking at the snow fall makes me feel God.
Every little, perfect snowflake is a material evidence of His presence.
I wonder what it is to live in a place where it never snows. A bit sad...maybe.
Thinking that some of my friends have never seen snow and people here are complaining that "the snow is awful cause it causes traffic jams".
And I am just dreaming of making a snowman and walking with someone down a long white path...the only noise being the sound of our boots in the snow.
Snow goes well with the music of Mercan Dede, by the way

friday to thursday...i'm in love

when S. said that once back home, people will want to meet me, as I will bring them some light and love I did not believe.
she was actually right.
i watched a lovely Bulgarian movie today...the first positive Bulgarian movie I have seen in years
it made me feel happy that I am born at the Balkans, on this crossroad where people are complicated, troubled, but still...fighting through life in a beautiful way.
i am thinking...
happiness is loving life with all its bad and grey days
ups and downs
smiles and tears
fighting every day, every hour
searching for answers
believing that people are good
forgiving
living simple

happy V-day everyone...wish more people would celebrate love not only on 14th Feb, but also on the other 364 days of the year :)

half-baked

I started reading the "White Tiger" and one expression caught my eye - "half-baked cities for half-baked people".
It dawned on me why I felt so gloomy in the past few months.
I have been living in a "half-baked" city for a year. A place as hollow as the skelletons of the numerous concrete mamooths rising every night, shadowing thousands of lives. Full of thousands of half-baked people, whoose only purpose in life is life itself.
Hollow. That is the word a friend used describing another artificially created city. With no history. No spirit.
Sometimes the city I live in is, as the Red Hot Chilly Pepers sing "my only friend". Sometimes it is the best friend of all, because it will listen to your pains and offer you the consolation of its pulsating streets, the smile of its facades and the spirit of its people.
Not if it is half-baked. Not if it is hollow.
I pray that I will never have to live in a city like this for too long.

law of attraction

Thanks to Megan, I have started reading the "Law of attraction". I have never liked self-help type of books, yet this one is something quite different. If I cut the self-help part, the book actually helps you understand one of the laws of the Universe: Whatever your inner being desires, sooner or later comes into your existence.
That is why, I guess, people say "Careful what you wish for". If you do not understand the power of wishing, or you are not sure what you wish for...things happen to you and you continue wondering "why they happen like this".
It turns out that we need to teach our souls to wish, and thus create our realities. Sometimes, this is hard, as circumstances or people delude us into believing that we want something which actually we do not. Or, not being quite clear on what we wish for, we turn out to get something that is not quite what we wanted.
Certain recent happenings in my life have convinced me of the exsistence of the Law of attraction - both in small, daily things, as well as in bigger events.
Now I need to improve my wishing "skills"...and learn to be patient and trust.
That's the hardest part.

Conversation

- I do not want to stay in India. I can't. I am not really free there. How can I be happy if I cannot be myself...
- Then...why do you want to come back?
- To search for beauty, inspiration,love, wisdom...To learn.

Sometimes the paths we need to go are longer.
But they always lead us to where we should go.

Fire

Just finished watching Deepa Mehta's "Fire".
True, painful and beautiful movie.
There is one line that Radha says when parting with her husband...
There is no life without desire.

To what extent should we control our desires, if burying them means trying to lie to ourselves?
Is it better to live with a heavy heart or with a broken heart?
What is more important - desire or devotion?
Is desire justified by love?

I want to believe I have my answers to some of these questions...