Egoism - re-invented

I read something today about the difference between being happy and being satisfied.To be happy, it said, you need to know yourself.
And, I would add - being happy does not necessarily mean that all your desires are satisfied. It simply means that you are satisfied with who you are.
Speaking in this terms, I think I am getting back to my "being satisfied with who I am mood". I guess it is a process of overcoming my "empahy disease" that I have been having for a while.It made me think that if I cannot help someone be happier, the problem is with me. Not satisfying my need of giving love made me unhappy.
I am starting to re-invent egoism. Acho is maybe right in saying "If everyone was egoistic, the world would be a better place". I do not exactly agree.But, still - egoism is good a good thing if you need to recover from an emotional crash. Sometimes when you give too much, you need to get something back.
Surely, at this stage I would prefer to get it back from myself, not from someone else. I feel safer like that. And it is enjoyable to do it. To re-discover yourself and take pleasure in simple stuff. I have been too busy to think about other people lately.
Now I will take my time. To think of...
my mind and body
my dreams
my love
my inner world
and to enjoy the beauty of the autumn
the conversations
music
books
the smiles of the people around me.
:)
I will be closed for a while,forgive me...

Masochistic and easily bored -is that a problem?

These days were quite emotionally interesting again.
After you have declared the decision to become a Muslum and every text message had the name Allah at least three times in it.
At first I was scared that you will become a fanatic - you have to be living on the edge. Then, I thought - this might be the releif I was looking for - since you found faith somewhere, I shouldn't try to giving you mine:)
Now I feel quite free and enjoying my freedom. Read a book, called "Intimacy" by a Pakistani writer Hanif Kureishi.
How close is this guy to the things I feel and the person I am!
He is "supposed to be happy" with his wife and chikldren, at least the conventional happines should be there - but it is not. He wants to keep on searching, as the "conventional concept of happiness bores him". He wants to find something extraordinary, the love of his life...
Well, I am thinking - I am more or less the same. I get so easily bored by steady situations. I need to feel I am striving for something. I have to feel the pain, the regrets, to relive them:)
Funny, ain't it...
Will see how I can overcome that :)
(Boris will say here - listen to Mozart:):):))

Sushi XP

I had a very nice Sushi XP with Boris and Angel :)
I had a chat some time ago with Angel and he promised he will cook for me. To my surprise, he kept his promise and on coming to Sofia this weekend announced "I will teach u how to prepare sushi"
And then, I was sent for products (it was too good to be true - a guy cooking and having all the products ready :P)I had to buy cucumbers, salmon and avocado. I went through the whole ciry centre without finding the avocado (and reseived a solid reproach from the cook afterwards).
Then, the preparation was cool. Angel had brought with him some sticks and taought us how to eat with them ( my favourite part was me, dropping the food in the soya sause, as Boris didn't stop bulshitting:)- it wasn't a very elegant way of eating, anyway...)
Indeed, what I think is needed for a good sushi might be the following:
rice (special type)
fish
cucumbers
special seaweed to stuff the rice in
avocado (if u can find)
a nice guy, willing to teach u how to cook (REQUIRED)
another nice guy, doing nothing but making u laugh (PREFERRED)
Well, I guess the "sushi" lovers already have 1000 reasons to hate me, so I will stop here.
Just before I leave - a HUGE THANK YOU , guys, for the sushi XP ( better than AIESEC XP maybe :) ). I hope u enjoyed it as much as I did!

That's why I hate logic :P

WEll, if we are following logic in our lives, see what happens:

***
Human=Dining+Sleep+Work+Play

Pig=Dining+Sleep

According to above: Human=Pig+Work+Play
So:Human-Play=Pig+Work

Conclusion: Human without play=Pig with work!

Man=Dining+Sleep+Make money
Pig=Dining+Sleep
According to above: Man=Pig+Make Money
Pig=Man-Make Money
Conclusion: Man without make money=Pig

Woman=Dining+Sleep+Spend money
Pig=Dining+Sleep

According to above: Woman=Pig+Spend money or Woman - Spend money=Pig

Conclusion: Women without spending money =Pig

Final conclusion:
To make woman not become a pig, Man make money！
To make man not become a pig, woman spend money！
Man+Woman=2 pigs

FINAL CONCLUSION: Do not be TOO LOGICAL :)

I need my sleep!!!

Recently I have been so hungry for sleep.
I know that I can go without food a long time, but without sleep - c'est impossible! Maybe this is because I am too sensitive to the world and I get too many impressions, so my poor little brain has to have enough time to process all the info that it is consuming during the day:)And, besides - I am quite illogical, unable to make a very structured picture of the world around me...so it really takes time.
Strangely, I sleep around 7-8 hours, which before proved to be enough...but now. Maybe because it is a new job, I am trying to get used to new patterns, new habits.
The pressure is often quite high, and, as a new member of the team I do not know how to react.
Besides, I didn't have a free day for two weeks now - to do the stuff I like doing in my free time. I have been attending a Reuters course on Financial markets and company reporting. It is rather interesting indeed, yet the hall where we are staying has no natural light and air and some luminiscent lamps...that make me really sleepy. You can imagine, adding to that that I stayed till 2 a.m. (again!) at the office and will be attending two parties tonight and tomorrow, how productive I am - constantly fighting with my eyelids:)Yet another thing is really strange - as if my brain just switches off when I am not working, as a reaction to protect itself from overheating. And I am feeling in a kind of a delirium:)

Happy birthday:)

Today is my first birthday:)
Yep, you are not mistaken. I know that you know that my birthday is actually in July (though you may have forgotten to call me, you are excused).
Butyesterday the paper I am working for has a birthday. My first birthday here.
The editor in chief made a very nice joke to us, telling us that we have to attend a "very important presentation by our guest Marta that is auditing us and giving advice how to improve our performance".
So, we went to a nice restaurant near the office, expecting to attend a long, and maybe a bit boring event.Then Galia (the editor) came in front and said - well, guys, you see that we have to make some changes, to cut of around 70%, we have to do this and that...and, besides, we will be moving to a new office (here she showed a picture of a terrain near the Kremikovtzi factory, one of the durtiest places in Sofia. At this point I couldn't stand it and - as you can see I was laughing like hell:).

At the end, it all turned to be a joke and we had a very nice cake and cocktail.
It is the 13th birthday for Capital.
First for me.
How many more? Who knows...when I was applying, I couldn't tell my boss that I will dedicate my life for the cause. I really like it, it is challenging, yet, I also like to feel free in a way. As I shared with one of my collegues yesterday - when I feel I have no more to give and get I will move forward. It happens naturally...

Tagged, or whatever it is called:)

Well, as I seem to be tagged (or whatever it is called - i will be really thankful if someone explains me this:)as I am a new blogger)by Geri...so I guess I have to continue :)
So, without further ado:
I am thinking about... something I just read…

I said...to the person I really love in such a crazy way "Here is the lyrics of Post Blue by Placebo, just to let u know how I feel, just in case u care"

I want to...get rid of the part of myself that makes me too melancolic and prone to depressions and crying at times.

I wish....people took more time to get to know each other on a personal level.

I miss...my childhood days.

I hear... the lamps in the office whispering, my collegue arranging a beer with his friend on the phone.

I wonder...if I will soon meet someone that will be able to love at least with the half of the love I could give.

I regret…...that sometimes I am thinking too much for stupid stuff.

I am... just Sve - a whole tiny little world to be discovered. Anyone interested?

I dance...sometimes at home, sometimes in the office, on the streets when I listen to cuban music...and in discos.I usually go crazy. I was meant to be a dancer.Too bad I do not have the figure for that:)

I sing...in the shower of course. And on the streets. And love singing - it is a gift of God.


I cry...too much. And often, when I cry, I feel something just breaks in me.In a way that my soul hurts.

I am not always...sure I am a person that you would call "normal"

I write...to understand myself and the world around me. To ease the pain.

I confuse...well, last thing I confused was the name of a very important guy and his secretary called and shouted at me.

I need...a long break with the things that are part of my world. New and interesting people to know.

I should try...being more bitchy:)
I finish...this post with the hope that I will be able to post interesting posts soon (no time...:()