Random thoughts...

Number 1:
Am I not a true emotional exhibitionist? Having two blogs, discussing my emotional state with my closest friends?Am I not the same as the person that I fear I might be?
Was I like that before I moved to Sofia?

Number 2:
I recently realised that I am closing in myself.When I am walking down the streets I put the music and just switch of the entire surrounding world. Isn't the music a way to close myself in my little world where the bad things from this one cannot reach me?

Number 3:
Yesterday I stayed at the office till 1.30 a.m. for the first time. It was disturbingly exciting. It will become a routine I guess, even a boring responsibility maybe...Still I am very worried not to become "grey" and loose my dreams. Everybody around seems so engulfed in their own life and so business - cold...I do not want to be like that!

Number 4:
Am I really expecting too much of people and of life? Am I really searching for some extraordinary feelings?Why cannot I be satisfied with what I have? Why cannot I stop searching? Will my life end on the track chasing a dream?

In between...

I am in between of my traineeship and my real job in "Capital".
Strange situation - and a hard one.
Everyone seems so eager to give me tasks ( well, this is to compensate the time I was just browsing the internet for days in a row i guess).
Well, I like it...
One text for the career section
one for the energy sector
one for the real estate sector.
Hope noone decides to give me something tomorrow!
Anyways - i guess i need to get used to it - nmews happen when they happen, so I have to be after them...
Nice job:)
Well - and it seems I need to stop searching for management faults here. It is hard to have been the boss and now to have a boss, to see the mistakes you have been told not to make - that he or she makes them:)
Funny. It still doesn't bother me much.I guess I should try to keep it like that, as ...if I am too frustrated from this - I will never have a long-term job:)
I guess I just have to be satisfied with what I am doing and not interfere with decision-making.
Gonna be hard for an AIESEC President:P

Hypocrisy and AIDS

Yesterday night I read a short story by Frederik Begbede about a medicine discovered to fight AIDS.
Anyway, it was part of his book "Stories under extasy" and was telling how he had sex with a huge number of girls in one day. It illustrated how much people are afraid of AIDS and what a relief they experienced when they found out there is a vaccine invented. To the extent of them being promiscuous...
Today I read that according to a research, a lot of Bulgarian medics are refusing to examine patients when they find out the people have AIDS.
This is really UGLY!!!
I cannot imagine that if you have given the Hipocrate's oath that you can find any excuse to not examine a person.
Ignorance - doctors do not know how to treat a patient with HIV or AIDS and make manipulations safely is the only explanation I can imagine.
Yet this is only explanation, not an excuse.
At least it shouldn't be an excuse in a country, that is in Europe, is civilized and is...open-minded.
I am so tired of people saying they "really care" and then - behaving like real cowards when it comes to facing the problem.

The dice is thrown...

I have made the choice for my future career development or at least the next several years of it.
It is decided.
I was offered a permanent job at "Capital" and I accepted.
I will be responsible for writing for Real Estates and Building sectors.
That's it.The coice.Good or bad.
That's it.
I think I am happy:)
And I have a pile of Real estate magzines to read:)

My Saturday experience

Saturday was quite a nice experience.
At first I woke up with a bit of an anxiety, as I had to meet with Cveti for the financial documents of the previous MC term. Financial stuff always makes me feel uneasy, as everything I do not understand very well...I guess it's normal, anyway:)
It turned out to be a nice meeting (at least for me) - Cveti calmed me down and I felt that at least someone knows what is going on more profoundly than me.
After that I went to see Sevi and we had lunch together:)
Then, I went with Peca to the National Gallery to see the Exhibition of Ivan Murkvichka paintings (150 years since he was born).
It was really marvelous!
I saw pictures I have seen as a child in my history books and I never imagined I would see them for real.
Some of them were so good that tears started coming to my eyes - so great was the gift of the master, that the portraits I saw were like real, living people!
And, as I was walking through the Gallery halls (it has once been King's residence) I was wondering how was it arranged, what was the furniture when people were living there in the beginning of 20th sentury...
After this wonderful experience we went to drink a cocktail in Toba:co ( which is just behind the gallery) and then - for a little walk in my favourite streets in the central part.
...then - coffee at Onda...
Peca had bought me a birthday present - a purple scarf:)
In the evening - we went out for a beer with Drago, Stassy and some Canadian guy that Drago met in Croatia. Some more people came and we went to a nice underground place, called "Hambara".
Then - Sevi kidnapped me to some very strange "private party" which took place in a wonderful patio at "Tzar Samuil" street.
It was lit only by candles...And the stars...
Some AIESEC alumni were gathered there, drinking Russian vodka with caviar and discussing "low-profile" and "high-profile" societies...
Then, we decided to go to the birthday party of some girl I have never met - she had been in AIESEC as well (mafia:))...
We went to EXIT disco. I felt so bored by discos...but we had a little bit of dancing...
At the end Luzmita had a bit of a "polite conversation" with the guards ( every second word was "mutra" - meaning a very dumb, criminal guy)and we left.
So that was it...my nice Saturday:)

Driving force

Today, while having a shower it dawned on me ...
My life so far has been driven by curiosity, empathy and responsibility, rather than ambition.
Immediately after I felt guilty that I am not ambitious enough - something that is considered a drawback in today's highly competitive world.

A room with a view...

This weekend has been a hectic moving in, carrying stuff up and down some stairs and arranging it, cleaning and some other nice and exciting things.
Finally I am in my new flat. Well, my luggage is still lying in big piles in the centre of the room, yet I am happy.
I have a view to Vitosha mountain and "Alexander Nevski" cathedral and I can hear the bells ringing in the morning...
It is so unreal...Like the fact that I saw 2 rainbows for three days.

Positivity attracts positivity:)

There must be some truth when people say that the attitude influences the things that happen to you during the day.
Today was an example on that.
In the morning we went to see a flat, and - we found our home. A nice - two room apartment in the centre of Sofia, with a view to Alexander Nevski cathedral from one of the terrases.
The owner is an artist - and the place is really cosy. Seems that God again has thought about it ;)To place artistic people in artistic house :)
Since the morning, a huge burden fell off my heart and I started to feel happy and excited.
Then, we went to have coffee in one of the small streets of Sofia - just opposite Dani's ( a nice tiny restaurant). I love these small streets. They are so timless...I felt as if I am not in Sofia and it is not Tuesday:)
There was a couple - a woman in her 40ies ( when I saw her I thought how ruthless time is - it was clear that she had been beautiful some years ago, but now...) and a man, maybe in his 50ies and they were speaking French.
It was quite interesting. To chat like that not in your native language, but in French...
Then, at work - Jana had a birthday and me and Hrisi prepared a little surprise - a wooden elephant with stick-it notes. Jana was so happy.
And, shame on us - we ate so much ice-cream - a whole box of half a kilo...
Then, I was thinking over that strange situation - I don't have a boyfriend for a year now, yet I have been emotionally entangled in something like a "relationship". I have considered myself "single" yet was I really single???
Anyways - after an afternoon of taking an online course at on reporting basics, I was given an interesting task on international transportation.Will start the research tomorrow.
I received a farewell mail from Mike and it made me feel how great the people I have met in AIESEC are. And how happy I am to have had the chance to meet them.
And now, I am going to see Mimka and the two CEEDers from UK and Poland that are now in Plovdiv.
Seems that my positive mood from the morning is giving results all through the day :)