OMG:P

What age are we living in...

Ice cream cemetery

and
Advice how to make bloggers notice your ad:)

Moving to...who knows where:P

Today I moved out of my room in Studentski grad.
Strangely, I felt a bit melancholic. This room saw some of the worst moments of my year as a President of AIESEC.
At times I couldn't stand my roomates and stayed outside when I felt like crying, as I knew I am not coming back "home" but to a "bee's nest".
I learned a huge lesson - never live with the people you work with, especially when you are a boss and have to give them tasks. They can make your life a nightmare.
Anyways...this is in the past.Forgiven and forgotten.
When my roomates moved out, it was a bit lonely.
I had to be alone, with no presence in my intimate circle, which left me face to face with my biggest fears, sorrows and doubts.
Now I moved in one room with Radi - my future roommate.
It is quite crowded - I trip over stuff I have left everywhere. And one of the three beds is completely occupied by tons of huge blue bags packed with my stuff...
Well, quite an atmosphere, but I hope it will soon be better.
And I think I will be missing the block, and Studentski grad.
With moving out a whole stage of my life is over.
The stage of dreaming of studies in Sofia University, The stage of dreaming of nevernding parties, then - being accepted in Varna, then - coming to Sofia to work for AIESEC and finally living in Studentski.
The one and only organised by me party from my last birthday, when so many people I didn't expect.
The evenings with Eli discussing stupid stuff over a cappuchino.
The cockroach invasion I couldn't ever stop with any means.
I think I will miss the place:)

11th Balkan Youth Festival

A little more than a month left to the start of the 11th Balkan Youth Festival.
I have taken part in the 9th one (which was the last to be held in Gabrovo) as a facilitator and I have very sweet memories from there:
...using my creativity to make a group of 45-year-old ladies and 18-year-old teenagers reach one conclusion on the role of young people in the media
...preparing a presentation on Johnny's laptop that didn't have Bulgarian phonetic and I had to learn BDS overnight:)
...being a roommate with Mimka and having great fun (while discussing the guys from the Italian metal band), building a friendship that is going to last
...meeting about a hundred crazy volunteers, scouts and hanging around with them
...having great parties at "Hot Spot"
...meeting (completely by chance) Emo from PIF - oh, these beautiful eyes:)
...getting to know "KariZma" and seeing Miro dance on a bar and waiting with a crazy teenager girl for him to be announced a scout in 7.30 in the morn:P
And the trip to Sokolovo monastery and "Etara" ethnographic museum of course...
And then, previous year - 2005, the first festival in Sandanski.
...the first business meeting with Emi that lasted...i don't know how many hours but at the end I was wondering how this thing is going to happen when this woman is so chaotic
...the dilema - to go or not to go to Sandanski. I had to prepare a national seminar, one week before it we didn't have a chair, and a huge conflict was growing within my team.AI visit was ahead. Maybe some people considered my decision irresponsible, yet I do not regret it.
...getting to Sandanski and Vladi meeting me in front of the office - we haven't seen each other after India and he asked me so many questions.
...the office, the frustrated Plami and Stassy, that had expected to come on a holiday and were really stressed that they have to really facilitate
...the night walks and the rope-bridges.Not knowing if this is a reality or a dream.It was so wonderful
...the "Nekerman" (this is how we jokingly called it) hotel and the mineral fountain in front, good that I managed to prevent Vladi to get inside, yet I remember me,Manola and Maya getting in to one other fountain to cool our feet:)
...sprankling my ankle just before the trip to Melnik and Rojen monastery.Manola giving me first aid:)
...climing the hills to reach "Shestaka's cellar" where we drank the best red wine I have ever tasted and sang Bulgarian traditional songs
...the picnic at Rojen monastery.The incredible beauty and atmosphere of the place.The silence in the coridoors and me sitting in what used to be the monastery kitchen, crying over my broken heart and wishing I could capsulate the moments of happines forever.
...the nights with the fire-jugglers "Youth in Fire", the smell of gasoline at the stage and the crazy party at the night before I left with them singing, drinking, drumming.
...Doni and his wonderful voice and how he chased Stassy, how desperate he was and how in love she was with another guy...
...Ece getting a bit drunk and us all going to bed together along with Emo - one of the volonteers as it was too late for him to go back to where he was staying.
And so much more...
This year - me translating the festival invitation at my birthday:)
Wish I knew what is awaiting me at the 11th festival:)

Bored Bulgarians and reality shows

I do not like reality shows and talk show's that tend to poke their nose into peoples' troubles and discuss them in front of the whole country.
Previous Saturday I watched the story of an anorexic girl, who weighed only 29 kilos (being 1.75 metres tall). It was a really sad story, but I got frustrated, as the host of the show had invited only a psycologist to explain the mental condition of the girl, and was constantly pleading how bad the girl is feeling, how depressed she was etc. They said she needed expensive medicines but they didn't invite a doctor to explain what her physical condition really is and how dangerous it might be for her...
In one word - it was quite a "propaganda" one-point-of-view show...
Which, in my oppinion is rather unfair and low-quality, as if you want to make something real, it shoud show more than one point of view...
***
Another thought - I read somwhere about the casting for "Big Brother 3" - the famous reality show. It seems that people woulf fo anything to be among the "roomates" entering the Big Brother house. One guy went bare-footed through half of the country to be at the casting. Another one came out of a coffin that his friends were carrying.All kinds of people were at the casting, with the majority of "crazy" and "gay" ...Well, they are in fashion:)
The thing that really struck me was the fact that these guys were bored and that's why they decided to participate in the reality show:).Cmon, bored:)...Is this the best entertainment you can find for your boredom...

Will Sofia finally have the desired airport...

On Monday I went to the official start of building the path to the new terminal of Sofia Airport.
It seems to be quite an ambitious project, and an expensive one as well - the construction company "Mostroy" will get more than 8 milion levs. The road that is going to connect "Brussles" blvd and the new terminal is going to be only around 2 km long, yet it will take 1 year to build it.
Well, according to the words of the Ministry of transport PR, there is no way that the road connection or the new terminal will be late.She assured me that everything will be alright and we will have terminal+road at one time, nice and functioning
BUT, there is one big BUT:)
There is still around 30% of the land, where the road connection is supposed to pass through, that are not agreed upon with the owners.This might cause "slight" misunderstandings and long battles in court...A year is quite an optimistic term...
Then, comes the "latin soap opera" (as I decided to call it a bit ironically) with the new airport terminal.It is a long and complicated story, which i do not have the patience to tell now, yet the essence is this:
A loooong time ago(around 2001), some minister signed some not very well prepared contract with one "respected" Austrian construction company to build a new and beautiful airport terminal. Well, this comapny is respected, to my surprise, although all the other contracts that it has with the Bulgarian state (to build and reconstruct roads) are a total and complete failior...
Anyway, it turns out to be, instead of a fairy-tale with happy end a long, painful and money consuming horror story.
They want to have more money and posponed the opening of the new terminal at least 5 times. Well, indeed the parts of the building that are ready, have already given sam defects - the ceiling fell, for example.
So...now the promise is that the terminal is going to be ready till September.
Yet I have a reason not to completely trust the PRs.Not only because of the story of the little shephard that lied all his life, and when once he wanted to tell the truth - noone believed him.
It is because I want to reach these guys to make a report on the progress of the terminal. And the construction company and the airport authorities are constantly passing the ball to each other. It seems to me they are not so free and ready to tell the truth...
Unfortunately, until some people are making some big mess around it, the new terminal might be build, yet...it might again prove insufficient for the ever growing needs of Sofia...

"Angel" eyes

Well, I do not mean the film with JLo. In fact I don't like JLo at all (but I won't elaborate on the reason why in this posting).
In fact I just wanted to write a few lines on eyes in general:)
Yesterday I was in a tram when a boy came in. He had brown eyes, but they were so magnetic that I came to thinking...
There are some people that really have these incredible eyes that you can see a whole world in. These eyes might be blue, brown, green. But they have something in common - they can rule over the material world. They can smile, cry, give silent orders,even kill. Once you catch the glance of these eyes you are hypnotized and cannot look away.
But not always these eyes belong to beautiful people. These eyes are not always beautiful themselves. I should say rather they are "interesting", "charming", "disturbing".
A few questions that bother me - are people born with such eyes? Is it the complexity and restlessnes of the soul reflected in these eyes? Why do I meet less and less people that have such "magnetic" eyes?
I am a bit worried that most people-s eyes are either bored, tired, blank, suffering, sad or agressive...
Sometimes there are smiling eyes of course, which is so wonderful. I like seeing people laughing with their eyes.In fact I think I like people expressing any feeling and attitude with their eyes. Maybe this makes them magnetic - the ability to show the soul without a facial expression, without words and without the fear that this soul might be hurt.
This is brave and beautiful.

Religious tolerance in a country joining EU in 2007

In the past two days a huge debate has been going on in Sofia.
The mayor ( a very show-off person) Borisov requested that the sound of lodspeakers of the city mosque were turned down, as they were disturbing the people living and working around.

This was used by the nationalistic movment "Ataka" to again make proclamations against religious and ethnic minorities.
I am quite annoyed by this, as I really think it is on one side a PR action by Borisov ( who is going to run in the next elections either for a President or for a Prime-minister, and who, screwed up quite a lot as a mayor of Sofia).On the other hand I see that people are angry and filled with hatred and some "nuts",Nazi style leaders as Volen Siderov from "Ataka" use this to create intollerance towards minorities.
I cannot see how they want to create this hatred in a Bulgaria that has lived for centuries in tolerance among different religious and ethnic groups. The best thing to get from all this mess is some PR and political support, yet I do not see it lasting too long.
But my question is - is this the way Bulgaria wants to be positioned as a EU-candidate country?
I believe that country branding is quite important, and noone will consider us serious enough if we say we are "tolerant" and behave like inquisitors from the Middle ages in fact.

Uneasy...

I have some very good reasons not to feel at ease these days...
1.I have to change flats(well - in fact I cannot call my room in Student's town a flat, but still, I have to move out in 3 days).
2. One month has passed from my internship and I feel completely insecure. I am not sure if I am doing anything well, indeed, not sure if I have any chance to stay working here after the internship is over. And I feel scared to ask anyone:(
3.The guy I've been in love with for quite a long time now, started to be really gentle and romantic. I do not have any expectations of course, yet we were joking that it's time he met my mother, and he should buy me a wedding ring.Well, as I know him, he is quite crazy and might really do so...Oh, what shall I do then:)
4.I am feeling more and more concerned by the direction that AIESEC Bulgaria is heading. Yet I have no right to judge anyone, as I am also involved in the creation of what the organisation is today.
I feel extremely lazy both in the physical and mental sense of it. I hope it is just because of the summer...

Hip-hip hooray - first published paragraph :)

In today's "Capital" issue there is an article on urbanisation. And there, a tiny paragraph I have written:) It is nothing special, just a small story of a man, who couldn't adapt to life in the big city and is now living on the verge of poverty.
Yet, when I think about it I remember talking to the old mother of this guy, I remember feeling so sad and miserable just because I had a better chance in life.
My name is not written anywhare, but still - I am so happy.One of those days that might mean a lot to me in a few years. Or mean nothing, if this is not the right path for me...
Who knows...

Welcome back into the world of books

Recently I have been reading quite a lot.
I got my apetite for books back and I established the habit to read at least 2 hours before going to bed.
In the last month I read two books:
East of Eden (John Steinback) - I liked very much the laid-back style, the descriptions and the characters, but some of the author's thoughts were too explicit in the text. Nevermind, the book is good, and giving quite a lot of food for thought.
Enduring Love (Ian MacEwan)- one of the books I picked up by chance on entering in the bookstore. The book is written in 1997 and tells a story about a manic love, and how it can ruin the lives of all the people involved. At some moments I felt close to my story - as God and love were quite involved as well. I sincerely hope I didn't reach manic areas, though I was close to...
I think I am starting to like modern fiction and I am going to read some more from McEwan in English (I always prefer to have the book in the original language, if I can understand it - there is nothing better than catching the style in this way).
Short stories by Gui De Mopasant - A very tiny book I started to read when u told me u love it. I like him, yet I still thinl O'Henry's short stories are better:)
Next on my list are:
- one book on homosexuality and suicidal tendencies ( a book that I bet will cause me a great deal of depression, that's why I am trying to postpone its reading)
- one book by Isabel Aliende - I like her style a lot and cannot wait to read it
- one book on harmony in advertising and media communications (promises to be really interesting)
- In Cold Blood (Thruman Capote) - I wanted to read this for a long time
- One more book from McEwan...
The rest I am not sure I remember.
Anyways, it seems that I am getting the reading disease and I have the feeling that soon it will mutate into a writing one:)That would be good, as I really need to practice to become a good writer ot journalist :P

Learning how to fight terrorism at Universities

Today, while searching for available master degrees I found out that at New Bulgarian University in Sofia, there is a major called
"anti-terrorism".
Scary, ain't it?
I cannot say that I hope the people that intend to study this will have the opportunity to practice:(

Miracles- they really happen

I watched a film on Tadj Mahal yesterday and I was thinking - "Gosh!I was there."
I saw this, I touched the marble and admired the symetry of the gardens. I glanced through the indows of the Red Fort, the same windows that the women from Shah Djahan's harem used to watch what is happening outside the fort walls without being seen more than two centuries ago.
At the time that I was there I felt like in a dream.
It was and is still a miracle...
I think I have lost my belief in miracles in the last year. Feeling deserted, burning with one idea without any chance to share my passion with anyone, walking through fire, without anyone to hold my hand.
Recently,I went through a strange methamorphosis. I just let go of all the pain in my soul.It took quite a while till I managed to do it, but I think it happened.
And, as if some new world opened to me - I started seeing life in all its colours, sounds and small everyday miracles.
I started meeting people, so interesting that I would stay and listen to their stories for hours...
And I started thinking that the world has so many stories to be told... And I want to be a storyteller, though I know it will take a long way until I manage to be a good one.
***
Yesterday I found out my old short-stories, written in 2001. They sounded so naive to me, but they made me think that I would like to write, to improve, to draw portraits of people.
Maybe this is the little miracle coming to tell me something...Maybe:)

I love my life - see what happened to me in only three days...

Monday, around 10p.m.
After you sending me a message that you are going to "Planeta club" I got depressed again and cried.
Then - it JUST HAPPENED. God just released my soul from this madness-I continued to love you, but did not suffer any more.And started laughing:)
Crazy bitch, ain't I :)
Tuesday, Morning.
I read about the beach in Irakli.It is one of the places that is still preserved, but some nice "business people" have investment plans.They intend to build a holiday village (thus the beach will be closed to the general public).It is a huge mess, a lot of parties involved and I got so much into it:)I will write a comment on this for "Capital".
Tuesday, 4p.m.
I am going along with Hrisi, the other trainee to a discussion, organised by the British council on the topic of Gene-modification in food industry (cool topic, ah:)). We had a video-conference with Varna and discussed artificial tomatoes:)
Tuesday, 7p.m.
I had a meeting with Emi to discuss the Balkan Youth Festival. It was an extremely organised (based on Emi's standarts) meeting, that lasted only one hour and a half;)
Tuesday, around 10p.m.
You met me with a buch of flowers and for the first time you let me be close to you. We discussed our childhood days...and other very personal stuff.
Wednesday, around 1 a.m.
We went to "Sax".The electricity went out.It was funny:)
Wednesday, 2.36 a.m.
I went to bed.
Wednesday, 2.30 p.m.
I went to a retirement home with 400 people living there. I went prejudiced, beleiving that it is really gloomy, miserable and awful and nobody cares about the old people.
I saw the personnel really passionate to do something, despite the lack of money.
I saw humanity.
I met this incredible old woman, who told me her story (I will write about it in the other blog).
We discussed so many things.I haven't had such a pleasant conversation in such a long time...
Wednesday, around 10 p.m.
I go to my room in Student's town.I put the key in the keyhole.But I cannot open the door...
Lovely life, ain't it:)

I am not AngelA...unfortunately

Yesterday I watched the latest film of Luc Beson - AngelA. It was about a guy who had everything screwed-up and God send him an Angel (in the body of a very beautiful woman...) to help him believe in himself more and live his life in peace with the others.
The film is really good, posing a lot of questions on God, love, self-esteem and life.
It was a rather personal experience indeed - this film. Especially at the scene when the Angel was telling him "You cannot say "I love you" as nobody ever said this to you" it was as if I saw my everyday struggles.
Everyday I try to convince myself that I should stop thinking about you, but the moment I think that you are hiding deep in your own nutshell and refusing to accept any love, even the one, given from God...I feel so much pain. You wrote that we will never see each other again and this shattered my world. Again.
I somehow feel that you need to be loved.I believe God has meant me to love you, so you are protected...cause you are so fragile...
I just want you to be safe. And me - to be free.
As my soul is captured now...and I almost cannot breathe...
I am feeling lost, desperate and hopeful at the same time.
Time is my biggest friend and enemy now.
But, whereas the film has a happy-end, I really doubt that my story will end with one. We will probably be happy...but not together.