"First times" week:)

This week is a lot about "first times".
I went for the "first time" with a car and a photographer for a reportage.
I went for the first time to an AIESEC cocktail as a non-AIESEC person and felt so strange.
I was supposed to organise the Alumni Last Thursday meeting for the first time. Well, I reserved a place with live karaoke, which was not the best try :)
Tomorrow i will be going on a business trip to Botevgrad...for the first time:)
But there some things that I realised again and again...
I had a meeting with Emo about legal stuff and I again realised that however bright and smart and moral and disciplined he is (and he really is) - he has to go through fire to become a real good leader. Glad to have a good basis for that:)
I also realised that some things will never change. AIESEC will hardly move back to the times when Pafo and Koceto made us believe that "results, measured in lives changed matter".
And...I had forgotten - miracles do happen. The day after I was lying in my bed, crying and praying for this little piece of love to help me survive - I spent some time with u and my heart was filled again with the desire to live.
I believe that I am close to my balance.

Last days stories...

Stories are all around if you are looking for them.
I guess I am from this type of people that rather tell and listen to stories then live ones.
I am not compalining - my life has been quite interesting so far.Yet I cannot say as one of my friends said - "ido not have enough time to live, so...do not ask me to write down my stories"
So...coming back to stories. I was a "tourguide" for a while for two AIESEC Girls - Patricia (ex MCVPPD of @Mace) and Suz (CC of IPM 2006 Netherlands)- they came for the weekend in Sofia.
And...Patricia is of Philiphinnies origin and is Canadian and was in Macedonia, and Suz is Dutch but she is doing an internship in Skopje now. Funny, but we usually take these things for granted when we are in AIESEC.
Suz was telling us a funny story about the Egyptian guys, who, after IPM went to Amsterdam and managed to get into the only gay hostel there is in the city :)))it was horrible (according to them) - with pictures of naked men on the walls...I cannot imagine what a shock it should have been for them:(

***
Walking around Sofia on a Saturday afternoon proved to be as good as ever. The Sofia orchestra was playing in open air in front of the National theatre parts of popular operas:) It was really nice to see people of all ages gather around as if pulled by an invisible string by the magic of music.
Then, we went to the "Save Irakli" party in the park...It was cool - with all kinds of crazy underground people:) I had the feeling they were all high...but it didn't matter so much actually...They were having fun. Indeed I dunno if the initiative will manage to prevent the building of hotels at Irakli beach, but people obviously were having fun.
After that we went to quite a nice place, called "Tea" with really delicious sandwitches and hot chocolate so thick that it really looked like melted chocolate.
I just wish it was not so expensive (given the amount of money I have to survive these days)...
And...of course...as a magical ending of the day - there was such a lovely summer rain pouring over me. I was wet all over, so on the way home i just walked bare-footed and listened to Depeche Mode...
It was marvellous:)

Random blogging VS writing

Well, to be honest this blog consists of quite random thoughts.
I don't want it to be like that, but it somehow happens that way.Cannot make it as deep and thoughtful as Brodie's blog, or Meri's.
No need to, actually:)
A blog is a part of yourself, and if you are trying to make it what it is not meant to be - it is as if you are trying to pretend to be someone else:).
So...I guess I will continue writing random thoughts here:)
Just for anyone who might be interested reading what is flying through my head...

It is such a pity but I really feel more comfortable to write well-structured and more sophisticated posts in my native language.So...I created another blog in Bulgarian. I intend it to be a "place for serious writing".
I am a bit afraid that after all I will leave one of them to die, as I will feel more comfortable to write at one single place. Hope it doesn't happen though. And with my Sofia photos blog...I love it so much and will continue doing it:) At least in the next three months while I am living here:)

Weekly reflections

MY first week at the new office is almost finished.
And so many things to share and discuss.So many positive emotions (some negative, but I will skip them, as they are not connected to the new job:))
***
As a person, always been surrounded with well-educated and ambitious young people I am taking so many things for granted. Being well fed and dressed, having access to PC and Internet, the opportunity to travel and meet so many new people from all over the world. Some people are less fortunate...Life outside my small world has so many sad destinies, so many people "carry their cross". As someone said yesterday- well - you cannot help anyone by living their life.True.Yet you can sometimes spare a thought on this that you are an extremely lucky bastrad to have all these, whereas lots of people do not even have the opportunity to eat three times a day. And be thankful.
***
The world is so diverse and complex that you can hardly embrace all that you want. I have been searching the Internet for topics to write in the paper, and my head is pulsing with so many ideas. But without focus - they might fly away and be lost.
***
I believe that I am feeling quite at home at "Capital" office. Only one week has passed, and I think the job is what I would like to do in a lifetime. Contacts+dynamics+challenge+creativity -> sounds for me quite exciting!
***
There is one more thing that I want to have to be complete. I know it is not fair to ask in return the love and passion you have invested, but still - I feel almost empty of it. And I know I need to have it to proceed...

My first days at "Capital"

Now I have some time to write about my first impressions from my internship in "Capital".
Frankly speaking I have never thought of myself working in a newspaper, but...here I am...and feeling surprisingly at home:)
It may be because everyone is young and very friendly, and everything is moving, a lot of new and interesting things to do, new people to meet.
It is so much different from AIESEC, yet, I cannot escape being an AIESECer - I am always asking and searching for info, being "pro-active" instead of waiting someone to tell me what to do:)
I have already two tasks- to write a report, and the topic I chose is quite strange - it is for hospises for old people, so I am going to visit one or two and talk to the people...It will be quite depressing...as some of these places are really miserable.Hope I manage to keep my cool...
The other task is to write a "portrait" of some person.They showed us an example of Donald Thrump...I am wondering now who to choose among the people I know. I don't want it to be a very popular person...It is more interesting to show an "ordinary man"...
And, I got several ideas for new reports and articles:)))It is sooo coool:)I really feel I am doing what I would like to do:)

Last but not least - one very cute pic of one of my best friends - Mury:) 

Anti-AIDS monument in the Sea Garden... 

And the sea, of course:) 

:) 

...and some more... 

More... 

Strange "art-installation" in one of Varna's parks 

Finally found my balance?

I think I finally found some inner balance these days.
Sometimes bad things (like problems with graduation thesis) promise to bring good things( in this case - time to think and reflect upon my life and see where I am going).
Funny, it requires so little effort but we usually do not do it very often. Self-reflection...I mean...or we do, but it is not so relaxed as it should be.
Now, it seemed to me, at the deserted Varna beach, with the wind blowing and the seadrops on my face...I managed to escape all the "frames" and "guidlines" and "planning tools" and really creatively think about my future.

I defined the very first outlines of my life's dream:) And the more I am thinking about it, the more exciting it is getting:)I am going to share a draft version on this blog soon:)
Moreover, my stay in Varna and Veliko Turnovo is so relaxing...
I just want to stop writing here...and post some pictures :)
Hope u enjoy them as much as I do...

Varna...a part of my story

In Varna now, due to my Graduation thesis.
Not very useful though, as my tutor shouted at me and it seems that I will be finishing univeristy in September.
Mum will kill me...
Anyways...I was so Excited about the Hostel, I really want to build this thing, to offer these services, to have these people there, in Veliko Turnovo...I believe this is my BIG dream, that I will strive to realize during my whole life...and if I see it happen, I might be the most staisfied and HAPPY person...I do not care much that someone decides that my ideas are not "suitable to be presented"...
I went to the beach...I missed the sea so much and it was like a dream come true...Sitting on the sand, listening to "Chan Chan" (and the waves splashing) and watching the sea...The wind blowing and drops of water falling on my face...
Just pure relaxation, without thinking about anything - I felt so far away from my own life and self...so close to that eternal circle of water...
Then, I walked through the sea garden, remembered the days when I used to work in a kindergarten and take the children to the beach.
How sad that we usually take things for granted. I took the sea for granted.Love also. Success...
I know that I will manage and everything will be alright. I do not know if I am heading in the right direction - I will start a traineeship in "Capital" newspaper on Monday. It is so promising and exciting...
Yet I feel a bit guilty about University...
Hope that you will help me forget when we meet tomorrow.I always forget bad things when I meet you...

First days of my new life...

Well...rather confusing I must admit...
I expected it, as Youree (from Winnie the Pooh) once said while sinking into a swamp:)
I knew that after the AIESEC habbit it will be difficult.
I have to take tough decisions, and I am so used to thinking about the others that I have forgotten to think about my life.
There is something so ironic in this self-sacrifice.
Well, so...now - I have to follow my own path...And something is missing. During these four years I have been burning with the idea that I will move the world, that I will have a positive impact ...Well...Now I know - I will find a job, a place to live, maybe love...but something is missing. Where is the impact, why will I do this?Why will I wake up every day and go to work?Why will I work after hours and try to smile when someone is behaving like an idiot?To get money, to have a living standart, to make a career. Why do I need these.
I need only simple things.
Beauty.Tranquility and a Soulmate...and the feeling that I am doing something good to the people around me.
Yet, I guess I should fight for it.Because, sadly...these things must be bought nowadays too.
Tomorrow I will be in Varna and take some time to go to the beach and have some self-reflection there.
I am scared if the first step I make will be in the right direction...Hope the sea has an answer:)

Feeling as an extremely happy child today:)

Today is 1st of June:)
My first day as an ordinary girl again, not VP or P of something:) (It is so strange...)
Well, I managed to live through the day without crying, even yesterday at the dinner I didn't cry and feel bad. I felt a bit sad. Of how stupid things can sometimes make people give up fighting.
Anyway. I received a very positive reply from Ivo (of course, who else) to my spam..."Finally your term is over. This must be the happiest day of AIESEC in Bulgaria". Maybe not only he thinks so...but they do not have the right to judge me.What I went through was so "nice" that I cannot accept accusations.
Anyways, the post was for something else.
It was for 1st of june as Child's day :)
Yes, I am really happy today, as I told my AIESEC friends that I love them. I received some messages and congrats with the holiday:)
The most beautiful thing - you came and gave me baloons...and sweet cotton:) So I was eating it down Shishman street and people staring at my three huge smiling baloons floating over my head:)
Not everyone was so happy with them -this woman in the park was complaining and asking me to put them away...Didn't she know that baloons rarely go where you want them to???I guess she couldn't distinguish a hat and a snake with an elephant inside...
But you made me really happy:) Thanks for that.
I will be smiling the whole day...Tomorrow as well:)
You made me feel like a child again:)