Love is noise...

I have been writing a lot about love in this blog lately...
I just don't understand why people take it so literally when u talk about love.
It spreads so much further than being in a relationship. Maybe the word has lost its meaning of so frequent usage...Every moment millions say "I love you" without even meaning it.But what does "Love" mean anyways?I do not know. Or rather...I only know one of its faces.
Here is a song for you:


Will those feet in modern times
Walk on soles that are made in China?
Feel the bright prosaic malls
In the corridors that go on and on and on

Are we blind - can we see?
We are one - incomplete
Are we blind - In the shade
Waiting for lightning - to be saved
Cause love is noise and love is pain
Love is these blues that I’m singing again
Love is noise and love is pain
Love is these blues that I’m singing again, again, again

Will those feet in modern times
Understand this world’s affliction
Recognise the righteous anger
Understand this world’s addiction

I was blind - couldn’t see
What was here in me
I was blind - insecure
I felt like the road was way too long, yeah
Cause love is noise and love is pain
Love is these blues that I’m feeling again
Love is noise and love is pain
Love is these blues that I’m feeling again
Love is noise, love is pain
Love is these blues that I’m singing again
Love is noise, love is pain
Love is these blues that I’m singing again, again, again, again, again, again

Cause love is noise, love is pain
Love is these blues that I’m feeling again
Love is noise, love is pain
Love is these blues that I’m feeling again
Love is noise, love is pain
Love is these blues that I’m feeling again
Love is noise, love is pain
Love is these blues that I’m feeling again
Come on, come on, ah come on, ah come on
Now come on, now come on, now come on
Now come on

Will those feet in modern times
Walk on soles made in China?
Will those feet in modern times
See the bright prosaic malls?
Will those feet in modern times
Forgive me all my sins
Love is noise
Come on

low

the sky was low today
i was waiting for a storm that never came
tired of the thick, tense air
almost feeling the solitude sticking to my skin
missing people
feeling distant
not a part of the puzzle
or part of a different puzzle
feeling that love is more evasive than ever
i so much need a God's sign these days
but i am probably too shortsighted to find it in little everyday things
but as it is said in one of my favourite songs
"it's a new dawn, it's a new day and i'm feeling good"
let's see what the new dawn brings :)

Hunger

Some dishes require more attention than others.
They need to be savoured slowly to get their real taste.
At first you would say they taste strange, even bitter...but in a a while , when the palate gets used to that...you sense a whole lot of flavours.
Sweet and sour and spicy and tingy...A hint of dark chocolate. Orange and black pepper. Something melting in your mouth...
Don't rush with these dishes. You could just spoil the taste...
If you are not ready to dedicate the time...just choose another item on the menu.

Natural drugs

On a Saturday morning, a list of 45 things that really make u happy...

1. Falling in love.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the supermarket.
5. A special glance.
6. Getting mail.
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
11. Chocolate milkshake (vanilla or strawberry).
12. A bubble bath.
13. Giggling.
14. A good conversation.
15 The beach
16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.
17. Laughing at yourself.
18. Looking into their eyes and knowing they LOVE you
19 Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
20. Running through sprinklers.
21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
23. Laughing at an inside joke with FRIENDS
25. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).
28. Makiig new friends or spending time with old ones.
30. Having someone play with your hair.
31. Sweet dreams.
32. Hot chocolate.
33. Road trip with friends.
34. Swinging on swings.
35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
36. Making chocolate chip cookies.
37. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.
38. Holding hands with someone you care about.
39. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.
40. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.
41. Watching the sunrise.
42. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.
43. Knowing that somebody misses you.
44. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.
45. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.

My world

India is a country where you can rarely get privacy.
With so many people around you are always bound to have someone intruding your personal space (even if the person might not be doing it deliberately). In our place u-59 as we live like a big family - there is constantly someone in our room...
That makes me treasure my moments of solitude even more. I am a very social person, but I need this time spent in my own world.
To think, dream or create characters and plots in my mind.
There is something playfully childish to be able to isolate yourself from the outside world and just observe.
Today I got the chance to do it -I was listening to my music and describing my India experience, while observing the two friends of mine chatting.There were two different worlds...
Sometimes I really feel sorry for those, whose inner world is deserted or full of too many elements of reality and dqily prose. Must be very sad and boring sometimes...

...

Under the flourescent light in the small kitchen she was having her late dinner.
Leaning towards the wall, she gently held the small orange plastic bowl.
Slowly, as if conscious of being watched, she scooped some thick youghurt and carefully put the spoon in her mouth.
An almost invisible smile playing on her lips, she carefully cleaned the spoon with the tip of her tongue. Then ventured for another one.
The cornflake pieces delightfully crispy between the teeth. The raisins - thick and succulent.
She was wondering how would it feel to...

Just like that...

Darkness ocassionally broken by soft lightning.
Clouds with silver lining.
Gentle wind playing with my hair.
Making breathing (and probably living) possible.
I am listening to this.
Thinking...or feeling...
I am just like that...

asking nasty questions
building castles in the sky
being cruel and sarcastic
blaming myself
feeling too much


My curse is to be distant.
Detached, separated and ever-evasive.

loving beautiful things sometimes can hurt.
but can't pain be beautiful?


...I am so tired...
But a man has to do what a man has to do.

Good friends we had...good friends we've lost

A lot of friends are leaving these days. Closer friends, or just people that I like. People that have become a part of my life in a way.
Torill...Nata...Isabel...
soon Neeraj...Francois...Henk...Julie...Peter...Burcu...Jenny...
Our "home" in Gurgaon is constantly changing, and I am trying to keep a stiff upper lip, cause if I start to cry about everyone who is leaving, the monsoon will look like a drizzle.
So many people leaving made me think about all my friends I have around the world.
And brings back so many sweet memories, but also raises the question...
Will I be able to spend quality time with these people again? How much have we changed? Will I be able to call them friends?
It will never be the same again...
But why does it have to be the same?
You tought me one important lesson - live for the moment and cherish every single second you have spent with the people you love. Now this lesson is back to remind me I should learn to let go.
Neeraj said something really beautiful:"I want to be happy and to be sad, to enjoy every minute of the happiness and sadness, cause only then I will know I have lived"
We meet people for a reason...maybe this is the answer to a long-posted question.

Falling in love again...

I am falling in love...almost every day...
With peoples' smiles.
I love the smile of the Barista boy in the morning - makes the coffee taste even better:)
I love latin smiles - so big and full of happiness...as if life is...just a game:)
I love children smiles.
I love ordinary people, everyday smiles.
I love smiling eyes.
I love big grins and tiny, shy smiles.
And if you SMILE while reading this post, I will be more than happy :)
Seems happiness is not so hard to get...

A woman should...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own,
even if she never wants to or needs to...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
something perfect to wear if the employer,
or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .
a youth she's content to leave behind....
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to
retelling it in her old age....
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for a meal,
that will make her guests feel honored...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
a feeling of control over her destiny...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to fall in love without losing herself..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to quit a job,
break up with a lover,
and confront a friend without;
ruining the friendship...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that she can't change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that her childhood may not have been perfect...but it's over...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. .
whom she can trust,
whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't take it personally...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
where to go...
be it to her best friend's kitchen table..
or a charming Inn in the woods...
when her soul needs soothing...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..
What she can and can't accomplish in a day...
a month...and a year...

On doing good

Our last trip was to McLeaod Ganj, the birthplace of Dalai Lama.
We went to a strange charity concert for Tibetian olymics.
The lead singer (he was something between Santa and a rock-dinosaour) told us the following.
Some years ago, he met Dalai Lama for the first time and started compalining that things are not going well, it is hard to try and change things in the american societiy and so on...
Then the Dalai Lama said:
You find it hard to go ahead, as you are doing good deeds.That is why u meet so many obstacles. If you were doing bad deeds, it would have been much easier.

However you should not give up doing good. Cause...what goes around, comes around.

Indian racism

For the time I have been in India, I realized that people here are quite race-sensitive.
Being fair is a complete and total obsession for both men and women whereas dark people are not very popular...
Everywhere the ads of "fairness" creams are overflowing, even sunscreen is "with a special fairness formula".
In all the music videos, the girls dancing are so pale...
The rule is - the fairer u are, the more girls/guys you can get, respectively merry a good match, be successful in life and so on.
I really hate this!
Indian girls (and guys) are generally quite pretty and my mind refuses to accept that a lot of them just go home and apply tons of fairness cream on themselves. Blah!
Having a chocolate-colour skin is so nice...I don't like fair skin at all!There is sometihng unhealthy in it.
Of course, having fair skin guarantees me to be stared at and taken pictures of all the time. Thank God I am not blond and with blue eyes :)
End...a kind of a joke with this fairness-obsession.
There was this granny that went to see a newborn boy.
She adored him "Look how cute he is!And how fair"...and then added.
"To be sure that he will stay fair and not become dark-skinned with age...look at his balls. If they are white - he will stay fair"
Now,Indian guys reading that...do not rush to the toilet pls ;)

Happiness

Today was one of the happiest days of my life.
I received so much pure, unconditional love that I feel extremely elevated, and the world bursts out in amazing bright colours.
What happened?
We had a volunteer initiative in Alcatel-Lucent - we brought 70 children from the slums to an amusement/water park.
I was responsible for those two beauties - Monica and Radha:)
So we were chasing around, going on marry-go-rounds, climbing ropes and throwing balls at each other.
Then there was the pool. Splashing water, jumping in it, playing wildly...
I was the first among the adults to get inside. And when one of the guys said that he got inspired by me to jump and play with the kids...it sounded so nice.
I felt a bit sad that I could not answer when "my children" were excitedly pulling me and shouting something in Hindi.
But one thing i knew without having to use any language.
They were happy.
They loved me.
I loved back.
What more do I need to be happy?

India...4 months later

Well, here I am.
A little more than 4 months since my journey began.
It would be an understatement to say "I learned a lot".
Probably I will be able to understand how much I have learned after some time...
I also cannot say that I am able to understand India.This is a country so colourful and diverse, so full of contardictions and contrasts, that you cannot ever say you have figured it out.
My feelings for India are as contrast as that - there are things I love and things I hate, but for sure I feel strong for that country and for its future. I kind of feel it as a second home already:)
What happened in these 4 months...
I went to some places I have never imagined that I will go.
Udaipur, Jaipur, Rishikesh, Nainital, Agra, Kajiraho, McLeaod Ganj...
Done crazy things (like jumping into Ganges)and rafting.
Laughed a lot. Cried a bit.
Partied hard.
Met some amazing people.Made some friends maybe.
Got enchanted by people. Got dissapointed by people.
Made stupid mistakes. Forgave.
Learned a few Hindi words.
Almost got used to spicy food.
Been disturbed. Achieved peace of mind.
Got a few steps closer to happiness.
I have a tentative plan where I want to go. It might be changed overnight.
That's the beauty of it.
Now it is more important to live.
Cause it is, for sure, a pretty exciting life!

A touch of tenderness

In India I have met another fairy. She is subtle, tender, almost transperent.
Just as I would imagine a fairy to be.
Today she made me a miraculous massage. Just like that, without asking for anything, saying it is a pleasure for her.
I have never been a physical person (mening that I have always considered myself body-less and more spiritual, but the massage made me think of a communication on a different level.
What if your hands can speak? What if they are your universal language to getting to know someone? Could you understand people just by touching them?
I felt in another dimention.
It had nothing to do with the physical touch,it was the tenderness of a fairy tale.
Merci beaucoup, ma cherie :)

Questions of a troubled mind...

Why do people always have a double agenda?
Is it good to let go?
Should we believe in Love?
Not judge people for the means they use to get what they want?
How to live light heartedly?
Why can't you be like the others?
Will you follow your dream?
How long can you go?
What happens after...

Are you ALWAYS ON?

Recently Alcatel-Lucent launched an advertising campaign I just really love. It is built on our commitment to facilitate non-stop communication across the world.
The people in the campaign have various jobs – musicians, designers, architects, travel agents , but one thing is in common – they are all using innovative communications solutions to be ALWAYS ON.
The concept of being always on appeals to me very much. Indeed, before I came to India, I was so much ON-line that it was getting a bit scary. However, it is now more than ever that I realize what great difference modern communication tools like internet make to our lives.
Not being able to communicate with certain people as intensively as you are used to can be painful.
Not being able to blog regularly can be annoying.
Not being able to visit your favourite web-pages every day can put you in an information blackout.
Yet, however strong is my need to be always on…it is sometimes better to just grab a beer, sit under the stars and spend some time just talking to people…
What is your perception of being ALWAYS ON?

Life is about...

...simple things.
Long conversations over a huge cup of Mocca with a German girl that I didn't know a month ago (Thanks Kat:))
Hearty laughs over the stories of a Spanish guy I just met.
Driving back home on a bike.
Writing an e-mail to my friends on the balcony, with the wind blowing.
My new set of bangles.
The challenges at work.
Having spent 1500 Rs on books (Lonely planet guide on India and Love in the time of cholera).
The anticipation of reading Khaled Houseini's "A thousand splendid suns".
Not knowing what will happen to me in one year and still being sure I have so many oportunities.
Having seen Jodha Akbar - a naive 3-hour long love story, I didn't understand any conversation in, as it was all in Hindi.
Learning something new every day.
It is so simple and beautiful.
Then...why do we go and make it complicated.

Working for Alcatel-Lucent

It has already been two weeks that I have been a part of the Corporate communications team of Alcatel-Lucent in India. I still have not undertaken any major project, I am still learning, asking loads of questions...
The job is rather interesting and my "bosses" are for sure people I can learn a lot from, both from personal and professional perspective.
So far, I have been more involved in External communications, mainly dealing with some press-conference and interactions. It is rather interesting to be on exactly the opposite side - that of the PR/Communications people, that need to communicate a clear message to the public. And even if they do...journalists can still destort the story (aaah, how nasty I have been to some PRs, now I realise ;))
And, Alcatel-Lucent has quite a bunch of interesting stuff to communicate indeed.
For example - a new security technology, called Laptop guardian, that helps protect confidential company information from being stolen (in case you loose your laptop), or the Femtocell, which allows people to get a good wireless signal within buildings where they are a lot of people using the same network.
Yet, what people always focus on the "bad news" - loses, people leaving, stocks prices falling down, job-cuts...Phew...Yet, this is perfectly normal for a huge company to have these when merging...And it is totally up to the people how they deal with change, ain't it?

Question is - what percentage of the people really have ownership and are willing to "deal with", rather than just switch to another job.

Shift happens

Today I came across this video.
And I am asking myself - how often do we ask ourselves the question "Where we are heading globally?"
Most of the time we are occupied with our daily worries. We somehow happen to skip the "global agenda".
Yet, when sometimes I come to think about it I usually get so depressed. The world is getting more and more polluted, more aggressive, more overwhelmed with information, less humane. Of course, I am asking myself - what do I do in my daily life to prevent this. All the tiny everyday things - such as not using nylon bags for example. And trying to be a good person.
But is it enough for a real shift to happen?

Lazy Saturday

Today i had an extremely lazy day...
I need to write one text, but I just cannot make myself do that.
Here is a cartoon very appropriate for the case ;)
I dunno maybe - laziness is sometimes useful...
What do u think?

I was accused of not writing here ;)

Today Boris (oh my dearest beloved Boris that has the habit of interrupting just when I am trying to work) accused me of not updating this blog. So I thought "OK, might be high time I wrote something. I am too busy writing in the Bulgarian blog and twittering indeed ;)
So, wazzup :)
I had a veery serious dilemma if I should change my job - I was unexpectedly headhunted by another media. After two weeks of intense decision making, I decided to stay where I am and...yupee, search for an AIESEC traineeship. Anything connected with Media, PR and Communications is warmly welcomed!
The new collegue came, so I am finally moving to the Careers and Management section of the Paper. God Almighty - what a miracle :)Of course, the new boss already found me some work for the first weeks!
Anyway, before that, I will allow myself a one week vacation, going to Varna and then home. I dunno what a vacation it might be with French studies around the corner, but still, I will be away of the office, that's pretty good!
Then, I am seriously considering to join a course of the London school of PR and on finishing it, I might have found some nice traineeship :)
Looks like it is going to be an interesting autumn!

The Bulgarian medics are at last back to Bulgaria

The Bulgarian medics that were imprisoned for 8 years in a jail in Lybia and accused for intentionally injecting the AIDS virus to Lybian children, were finally brought back home.
Everyone is happy and relieved, BUT...
There are some lessons to be learned by the whole 8-year ordeal. If these lessons are not learned, then the Bulgarian politicians will totally loose the credits of the people.
Lesson 1: In such a complicated diplomatic situation it is better to act early, not to wait 7 years and then start trying to do something
Lesson 2: You should be very, very careful with your media exposure and the campaign around "saving the prisoners". Do not allow some shadowy business structures to prevail and earn money on the misfortune of these people!
Lesson 3: Being in EU truly can save lives.
Lesson 4: Let's hope all is agreed with the financial side of the "freedom". I personally won't be very happy to understand that Bulgaria has to pay a compensation to Lybia and this will be calculated in taxes.

Finally, I really feel sad for the medics. Their lives are ruined, and what I really hope is they are not used as "media - puppets" and then - when there is nothing sensational about them any more - thrown away.

The power of beauty

Not quite fitting into the "beauty standards" of the age, I have often wondered how it feels to be really beautiful and exercise the power of beauty upon others.
And I really do not mean being sexy and using sexual power, although my suspicion is that is one of the main driving forces of the contemporary world :)
I truly believe that seeing beauty makes people better and more honest.
Yet, as God has not given all of us physical beauty - we should learn how to show our inner one (yep, my strong conviction - even the ugliest has some inner beauty). Of course - that does not mean not to take care of our appearance ;)
One good step from quite an unexpected side are the ads of Dove.
In the world of cosmetics, where everyone is flawless, every product makes you perfect and age and wight are the biggest sins, these guys have created some very nice campaigns to show that "well, not everything what u see is what u get" and "beauty is skin-deep".
Enjoy the videos and keep the belief that beauty can be found even at unexpected places :)

DOVE Evolution video

Dove True Colours video

Dove Pro-Age Video

Big Google is watching you!

Today I read an article about the Google personalized pages (IGoogle) and I thought how transparent I actually am by being registered at so many places on the web.
Let me see...
I am using Gmail, Google reader, Blogger, Google of course...
Then - 4 (or something like that) more mails.
Another couple of blogs.
Several registrations for different websites (Postcrossing, Hi5, LinkedIn,YouTube, Flickr)
Oh, my! Feels a bit scary when I think that my personality is exposed to such an extent.
I do not even mean the things I write explicitly here. I mean the "secret" connections, the visits to different websites that show some kind of a consumer pattern.
When I first read about people getting more and more transparent with the usage of technology (it was something like 10 years ago, when I didn't even dream about having a PC)I was a bit sceptic...
Now I know that Big Google (and not only)is watching me!

Elections for Europarliament

Bulgaria will be represented in the European parliament by the Socialistic party, The party of the Sofia mayor (and media star) - Boyko Borisov, a Nationalist party (ATAKA, led by a crazy guy, who, in my opinion thinks he is Hitler re-born and the party of the Turkish minority, led by Ahmed Dogan.

The news is not very good for the image that Bulgaria is trying to create in the EU.
A party of a populist guy like Borisov (who supposedly has connections with the mafia)against the representative of ATAKA Slavi Binev (who also has strong relations with the mafia it seems) and the Turkish guys...

I frankly do not see these guys working together - they will rather be quarreling all the time and will not reunite to defend the Bulgarian interests in Brussels...
I am really disappointed, maybe I have to blame myself for not voting...
But every day I loose my hope in the future of this country.

Mafia and corruption.
That about sums it up!
And can u imagine - on one of the Bulgarian TV channels they invited the pop-folk singer Kamelia to comment the elections. Well, what the F***?

Happiness

I am feeling happy at the moment. Well, let's say - the closest to happiness that I have been for the last 2 years. Maybe I am just happy of what I am without blaming myself for anything.
Yes, I admit I have made mistakes.
I still do.
But I do not feel , as before, that my mistakes are among the main reasons for something screwing up.
I am happy with the change that is happening - I feel it is going to bring me more opportunities to express myself and to bring more added value to my work.
Yes, sometimes I really feel depressed when I think of all my friends - they are living in different cultures, living these cross-cultural experiences...and I am just ...staying here.
Well, whatever...

I just wanted to post two pictures of the youngest person I know.
His name is Svetoslav and he was born only 42 days ago.
Life is ahead of him and it is full of opportunities!
For me - as well.
From my humble experience - things always happen for a reason. If I have to pass through a stage - I'll just pass. If I am meant to change - I will change.
Accepting this means a lot less stress for me.

Thoughts at the end of the week :)

It has been a nice week:)
I had the usual dose of stress at work but I didn't care so much.
There were two Bulgarian holidays - the first of march (Baba Marta) when we all tie up the red&white strings (martenitzi) and make wishes. As far as I know there is a tradition like that in Serbia...Correct me if I am wrong, please.
Also, the 3rd of March is the Bulgarian liberation day.
So, I had the reason to be in a festive mood most of the week (especially the later part of it)...
Another good reason - the OSTAVA concert I went to on Friday eve. I accidentially met Katya - a very crazy girl...and the night ended at around 6.30:)Britpop and after that eating "shkembe chorba" (sorry, no translation to that, but anyway - you have to tast it - it is impossible to be explained) with lots of garlic - luckily I didn't eat that.
Some hours ago I watched The last King of Scotland - a deeply moving picture, telling the story of an African dictator in Uganda, killing more than 300 000 people while ruling the country.
Some things made me happy...
-> I watched Irka's pictures from IPM. I love them!!!
-> I tied martenitsi to almost all of my collegues :)
-> I learned that Adi is going on a traineeship. We'll have a party - yupeee:)
-> I saw one friend with his girl. She had that long blong hair...so sweet
-> I decided to apply for a faci of an AIESEC seminar
-> I learned that, even though at work my direct boss doesn't show much appreciation of my efforts, there are people that consider me valuable and would like to work with me if possible
And some things made me sad...
My Dad has serious heart problems.That scares me so much!
Some of my friends are so far away from me.I have no idea if they are all right, what is happening...
I still do not feel at peace with myself
But still - I am waiting to see what this week has got in store for me!
Have a great, sunny and smiling week everyone :)

I am NOT proud to be Bulgarian because...

...our politics are not acting as defendants of our rights abroad. Bulgarian nurses are convicted to death. 8 years nobody does nothing and hundreds of dollars are paid for lawyers without any success. Now...an initiative to save the nurses is started. It is called "You are not alone"..It is supposed to support the prisoners and their families and to express the public opinion with the hope that something might be changed and can be free. Yet, the whole campaign is getting too commercial.It is everywhere! You have the "you are not alone stickers", the "you are not alone" ribbons. Shops are putting the "you are not alone" sign, demonstrating a very populist maketing aproach. I even so "you are not alone" sugars packets and "you are not alone" salads:(
... a group of taxi drivers block the whole capital in an agressive protest, causing a terrible delay and losses for business. They have the right to protest - their collegue has been killed.Yet they do not have the right to be as arrogant as to ask some special privileges from the Parliement - like being able to drive without safety belts and getting more money per drive...
...a "businessman" (connected to the mafia) puts in his retail centre -TZUM an aquarium and there he places...a baby tiger to entertain the customers!!! After a serious protest the businessman decided to move the poor animal to the Plovdiv zoo.You might think that he finally understood how obnoxious and inhumane it is to keep an animal in a glass cage.No, you are not right. Yes, he is extremely stupid - he is serching for a black panther to replace the tiger!
These are free of the reasons that certainly don't make me feel very proud to be Bulgarian!!!

My Valentine's day present

...as I hate all the "marketing" and "artificial" ways people "celebrate" love on the 14th of February
...as I am sick of pink, hearts, sugar and teddy bears
...as noone will giv me a present for this day
...as I am quite doubtful about the existence of love
I decided to make myself this present.
Candles.
Simple.
Beautiful.
Burning.
Like hope and desire.

I refuse to admit...

You called me 5 times today.
I see an interesting relation - you call me very often you are away, and seldom when you are here, working in an office just a few streets away from mine.
I cannot understand if you are calling me because you want to hear my voice, or because you just need to talk to someone that will listen and understand?Or is this one and the same thing?
You told me you do not believe in love, as all we call "love" is just the need of someone else's physical presence.
I refuse to admit a relationship (be it between a woman and a man or between to men or two women) is only this.
It is not true. The fact that the person I loved so much says that love does not exist doens't mean it does not exisist, right?

I realized some days ago...

...that I am "latin" by heart. I do not know a single word in Spanish and I have never lived in a Spanish speaking country...
I just feel latin. It is because I am too emotional and sometimes I think I need to make things more dramatic, so I would feel that I am really living. As I am a heroine of a Latin-american soap opera...
And all this love for the latin music I can never explain...
I remember Sandra(Columbian, former MCP of AIESEC in Slovenia) at IPM - presenting me to her fellows from the SSGN network - "She is latina, just that she doesn't know a word in Spanish".
I guess she was so right. And I should definitely spend a certain time living in a Spanish speaking country...

Babel or...the lack of communication

On saturday night I watched Babel - a wonderful movie that made me cry (like 21 grams from the same amazing director did).
There were some very real , absurdly real situations in which the social and political restrictions didn't allow people to interact with each other.
It was so absurdly real - people walking around, pretending to be communicating and understanding each other. Even caring...But then, in crisis situations it showed that indeed everyone was living in their egoistic little world, everything was so false and superficial.
Often, it is really like that - maybe more than fifty percent of the people I meet I know -do not care much for me.Nor do I care for them, anyway. From a humane point of view - I am quite empathic though. The paradox exists - i may despise someone as a person, because he is lacking some qualities, but from the humane point of view - I might be empathic to this person because of the situation he is in, or simply because he lacks some good qualities...
I just cannot loose that side of me. Start hating people just because of their pdark side. I just like them by default and I guess it will take some time and lots of disappointments for me to start hating the human nature. Even then, I believe I will be able to forgive:)

Deadlines...

Do you keep your deadlines.
I think I know very few people who always manage to stick to them.
So - this is for all of us, who have sometimes missed a deadline (even if it is only for an hour or two) - if I have to paraphrase the famous saying - Life is what happens while we are struggling to meet deadlines.

I just wanted to remind you a few things bout life...

Lovely, isn't it?
And so true!
Enjoy the day:)

Bulgaria-trying to brand itself as a country - not very successful so far...

I have been to at least 10 discussions (including university, specialised tourism conferences, private conversations etc.) where the vague image of Bulgaria was commented.So I was really happy when I heard of a website, givving the opportunity to young people to show there image of Bulgaria, to change something if they do not like it.
I was really curious and inspired...Until I found this video. It has the ambition to show the country from a different angle, it is really funny indeed, yet I am not sure what I would think for that country if I was a foreigner...
For sure I will think "what a strange place"...and feel a pity for the people living there...
There are, of course, some "PR clips" of the country - like this one.
Yet...they seem to me a bit too artificial.
As are the Bulgarian EU accession videos - like this - I like the beginning,but at the end it really skrews up the whole thing...Why do I, as a Bulgarian, need someone to place a huge dot in the middle of Europe and tell me that "I am there" (that is what the words in the dot mean in Bulgarian).Will this make me feel "more" European.
I doubt it...especially when I can see such scenes in my country...
Doesn't it look a bit more Oriental to you :)

2006 reflections and 2007 resolutions

Well, a bit too late - but still :)
The traditional in these days post of "old year's reflections and new year's resolutions".
So, to keep it short and simple:)
My 2006 was rather good I guess
-> I went to IPM in the Netherlands and spend some of the greatest days of my life there. It was really hard after that to think of leaving AIESEC - so much amazing positive energy was flowing around. I was so inspired when I thought that I can help Emo in his MCP preparation, as I didn't have the chance to be present at the IPM with my predecessor. Unfortunately, good intentions are not always enough.
->I thought that it would be great to proceed with AIESEC but I was lost and I didn't know if I want to go on a traineeship or to hold a position again. Now I know it was not a mistake that I didn't choose to proceed with AIESEC. There is a line that you shouldn't cross. Like in love, maybe, in AIESEC u should stay while there is passion for that.
-> I still want to go on a traineeship and I am not giving up. It is just a short delay. I needed to see how is it to work in a "real company". And I had great luck in starting my internship in "Capital" , then being offered a job.
-> The best about the job is that I can meet lots of interesting people and get an insight into a whole and very dynamic market, then also learn how to write better (not that my childhood ambition is to become a writer but still - who knows :) )
- > In terms of personal life...well. Love - I think I managed to survive it somehow. It is still difficult, but I think I am recovering fast:) I met lots of interesting people and went to interesting places...Well not so much outside Bulgaria buuut I can save this for next year:)
So...let's see the 2007 resolutions:
-> I will recover emotionally :) I got the "love" fortune from the Christmas banitza ( I got a "baby" fortune but I am not going to be a mum:) )
-> I will travel a bit - visit Gery, Maggie and some other friends in Belgium in Mayр , then - Mimka in Krakow, and then maybe Croatia for the summer.
-> I will strive to improve my writing and get better in my job. I will most probably start searching for a traineeship :)
-> I have an ambition to get some decent level of French - I mean to be able to lead a general conversation,not to get a degree.
-> I will spare the resolutions like "i will eat less", "i will start excersizing". These must be made silently and just kept.I might consider writing more professionally :)
Well, This was meant to be short and simple. So I stop here.
One thing I hope to keep is - the friends I have, the connections from AIESEC. It is always so nice to come back to that:)

Lack of communication

I found out that I really hate the lack of communication at work.
It is not that I am interested very much in everyone's personal life, but still - I think it is good to know some basic stuff about people - so you can start some kind of "small talk" when necessary.
Well, seems it is not so important to other people.
For example - we do share birthdays and namedays, but other nice (or not so nice) stuff is not shared.
I just learned today that two of my collegues were pregnant (wouldn't hurt if they told us:) )
When one of my collegues left - it was not officially announced.
When another one was moved to another job-position within the company - nothing.
When three new people came - also - no official presentation in front of the others.
I guess it is the HR's responsibility to do these, yet people might also dare to take the lead.
They have nothing to loose in the situation:)

Business ideas for AIESECers

I found out a very nice business idea, especially suitable for AIESEC people.
It is not anything new, in fact I believe a lot of people are practicing it (maybe without knowing) :)
It is house swapping.
I go to your house while you stay in mine.
No one pays rents and everyone feels (or at least is supposed to feel) "at home".
Why is it so good for AIESECers:)
Well, we can utilise our network and with our understanding of cultural sensitivity - we can make it easier and more pleasant for people willing to swap their homes:)
What do you think?
Anyone enthusiastic?
You can read The Times article on the topic, below are some websites of companies working in the field.

When you loose faith in one of your dreams...

I had a dream.
It was called AIESEC Bulgaria.
I think I lost faith in it yestreday.
I had many hard times, went through lots of hardships, but I also had good times, great fun and great friends.The thing that hurt me the most was the ugly way politics was done by some people in the organisation.
Without any style, just ugly...
I was elected MCP, and the people that wanted to join the MC team just said - we have a different vision.Well, I guess it was harder for them to admit the truth - that they did not believe in me.That for them, it mattered to be a team of friends, not a team that anyone trusts in.
Then I found that our "leaders" had done not so beautiful stuff I couldn't classify as leadership...like hacking my e-mails. Like smiling in my face while stabbing me with a knife in the back.
Well, all forgiven and forgotten.These people will never change, and luckily...I will never change and become like them.
But what I lost yesterday was the belief that something can be changed in this organisation. The belief, that, after all, my efforts to change some mindsets were not in vain.
But mistakes were repeated.
And I just lost my faith and I decidet to close that page.
I am not blaming anyone. I know that the MC had very good intentions. The LCs as well I guess, the MCP and MC candidates too.
Yet - good intetntions are not enough to make mature choices obviously...
I wish you good luck, AIESEC Bulgaria.
You will surely need it in future.

Do I really want to live in Bulgaria?

It's been a long time since I last asked myself this question. I have always beleived that, no matter that I would like to travel around the world, the place I want to be is Bulgaria, as it is the place I was born, and where I feel "at home". It is not patriotic feeling, I cannot say that I am so proud of my country, of its people and its history...It is just the feeling that I belong here.
Yet, the week that passed made me reconsider some stuff...
The news of a baby-tiger, being locked down in one of the most expensive shopping centres in Sofia, "as an attraction" to the people made me really angry. The comments I read on the internet - even more so. If there is something I really, really hate - it is the lack of style and the the stupidity of people, that believe they are "someone VIP". This case reminded me once again the fact that my home country breed a special group of stupid, show-off people that consider themselves as "dictators of lifstyle". In some way they are funny, but it scares me to think that if the "VIP-s" are like that, if they are role-modelling...can u imagine what are the ordinary people supposed to be:( I do not want to live in a society that doesn't have even a very tiny idea of style.
Another thing that happened ( too good for some of the tabloids) - a wave of serious agression among and towards children poured from the headlines: A 9-year old kills a 4 -year old, Two babies found dead, A school-girl attacks her teacher during class.
Just a few of the stories.
Bulgarian society is getting more and more aggressive and I really don't like that.I do not want to live in a country where conflicts are resolved in such a way.
I do not want to live in a country where people are ready to kill you just because they think you are strange.
While we were travelling from Bansko this Tuesday, my collegue was complaining all the time from the country...I usually do not allow such complaints to influence me.
Yet...if I do not feel at home in my "home country" ...I might have to find another place to call home.
A choice I am praying I will not be forced to make.

Bansko - 8 years later...

Today I was on a one-day trip to Bansko, a small town in the picturesque outskirts of Pirin mountain. I had been there just once before 8 years when I went for the first (and only so far) time that I went hiking. So I didn't remember anything at all.
Still, my shock was complete when we were entering the town. Just imagine - a beautiful scenery, snow-capped mountains, vast valleys...and