Love is noise...

I have been writing a lot about love in this blog lately...
I just don't understand why people take it so literally when u talk about love.
It spreads so much further than being in a relationship. Maybe the word has lost its meaning of so frequent usage...Every moment millions say "I love you" without even meaning it.But what does "Love" mean anyways?I do not know. Or rather...I only know one of its faces.
Here is a song for you:


Will those feet in modern times
Walk on soles that are made in China?
Feel the bright prosaic malls
In the corridors that go on and on and on

Are we blind - can we see?
We are one - incomplete
Are we blind - In the shade
Waiting for lightning - to be saved
Cause love is noise and love is pain
Love is these blues that I’m singing again
Love is noise and love is pain
Love is these blues that I’m singing again, again, again

Will those feet in modern times
Understand this world’s affliction
Recognise the righteous anger
Understand this world’s addiction

I was blind - couldn’t see
What was here in me
I was blind - insecure
I felt like the road was way too long, yeah
Cause love is noise and love is pain
Love is these blues that I’m feeling again
Love is noise and love is pain
Love is these blues that I’m feeling again
Love is noise, love is pain
Love is these blues that I’m singing again
Love is noise, love is pain
Love is these blues that I’m singing again, again, again, again, again, again

Cause love is noise, love is pain
Love is these blues that I’m feeling again
Love is noise, love is pain
Love is these blues that I’m feeling again
Love is noise, love is pain
Love is these blues that I’m feeling again
Love is noise, love is pain
Love is these blues that I’m feeling again
Come on, come on, ah come on, ah come on
Now come on, now come on, now come on
Now come on

Will those feet in modern times
Walk on soles made in China?
Will those feet in modern times
See the bright prosaic malls?
Will those feet in modern times
Forgive me all my sins
Love is noise
Come on

Friday, I'm in love

catch the fleeting moments

The colourful kites in the fading Jodhpur sky.
Freedom re-defined.
Marble as thin and subtle as a whisper.
Simple daal and rice eaten with fingers and thus so delicious.
Blissful mornings with coffee and meaningless conversations with meaningful people.
The colours of Rajastan.
Melancholy of fading splendour.
Being tired from too much beauty.
These people. Their smiles, their gestures,their words.
true moments of fleeting happiness I just managed to catch :)

low

the sky was low today
i was waiting for a storm that never came
tired of the thick, tense air
almost feeling the solitude sticking to my skin
missing people
feeling distant
not a part of the puzzle
or part of a different puzzle
feeling that love is more evasive than ever
i so much need a God's sign these days
but i am probably too shortsighted to find it in little everyday things
but as it is said in one of my favourite songs
"it's a new dawn, it's a new day and i'm feeling good"
let's see what the new dawn brings :)

rainy

it has been raining restlessly for the past almost 20 hours
it's like livin in an underwater world
the only thing that i am thinking of the whole day is a nice, cosy place
a cup of thick hot chocolate and long easy-going conversation about life with someone i have just discovered
tomorrow we are all going to this amazing Mocha place - i fell in love even before i have stepped in
the whole melancholic mood of this week that went down the drain like a dream
makes me think of an ella fitzdjerald song that boris had given me.

Everytime we say goodbye, I die a little,
Everytime we say goodbye, I wonder why a little,
Why the Gods above me, who must be in the know.
Think so little of me, they allow you to go.
When you're near, there's such an air of spring about it,
I can hear a lark somewhere, begin to sing about it,
There's no love song finer, but how strange the change from major to
minor,
Everytime we say goodbye.

When you're near, there's such an air of spring about it,
I can hear a lark somewhere, begin to sing about it,
There's no love song finer, but how strange the change from major to
minor,
Everytime we say goodbye

Have a good weekend...

Kiss me goodnight...

Kiss me goodnight...
long enough...
i will guide you out of this world.
take my hand and play with my fingers.
as long as I want to...or long enough...you will know.
kiss my fingertips
one by one
touch my palms with your lips
let me feel your warm breath going up my arms...caressing my shoulders...moving my untidy hair
stop and linger for a while
let me look in your smiling eyes
smile
close your eyes
we are so close that your face is almost touching mine
stay like this for a while
keep your eyes closed
then slowly...as if hesitating
find my lips
cover them with tiny tiny kisses
then bite them
.....use your imagination to wish me "sweet dreams"
Good night my dear.

Hunger

Some dishes require more attention than others.
They need to be savoured slowly to get their real taste.
At first you would say they taste strange, even bitter...but in a a while , when the palate gets used to that...you sense a whole lot of flavours.
Sweet and sour and spicy and tingy...A hint of dark chocolate. Orange and black pepper. Something melting in your mouth...
Don't rush with these dishes. You could just spoil the taste...
If you are not ready to dedicate the time...just choose another item on the menu.

Natural drugs

On a Saturday morning, a list of 45 things that really make u happy...

1. Falling in love.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the supermarket.
5. A special glance.
6. Getting mail.
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
11. Chocolate milkshake (vanilla or strawberry).
12. A bubble bath.
13. Giggling.
14. A good conversation.
15 The beach
16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.
17. Laughing at yourself.
18. Looking into their eyes and knowing they LOVE you
19 Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
20. Running through sprinklers.
21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
23. Laughing at an inside joke with FRIENDS
25. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).
28. Makiig new friends or spending time with old ones.
30. Having someone play with your hair.
31. Sweet dreams.
32. Hot chocolate.
33. Road trip with friends.
34. Swinging on swings.
35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
36. Making chocolate chip cookies.
37. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.
38. Holding hands with someone you care about.
39. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.
40. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.
41. Watching the sunrise.
42. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.
43. Knowing that somebody misses you.
44. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.
45. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.

...

Under the flourescent light in the small kitchen she was having her late dinner.
Leaning towards the wall, she gently held the small orange plastic bowl.
Slowly, as if conscious of being watched, she scooped some thick youghurt and carefully put the spoon in her mouth.
An almost invisible smile playing on her lips, she carefully cleaned the spoon with the tip of her tongue. Then ventured for another one.
The cornflake pieces delightfully crispy between the teeth. The raisins - thick and succulent.
She was wondering how would it feel to...

Just like that...

Darkness ocassionally broken by soft lightning.
Clouds with silver lining.
Gentle wind playing with my hair.
Making breathing (and probably living) possible.
I am listening to this.
Thinking...or feeling...
I am just like that...

asking nasty questions
building castles in the sky
being cruel and sarcastic
blaming myself
feeling too much


My curse is to be distant.
Detached, separated and ever-evasive.

loving beautiful things sometimes can hurt.
but can't pain be beautiful?


...I am so tired...
But a man has to do what a man has to do.

Good friends we had...good friends we've lost

A lot of friends are leaving these days. Closer friends, or just people that I like. People that have become a part of my life in a way.
Torill...Nata...Isabel...
soon Neeraj...Francois...Henk...Julie...Peter...Burcu...Jenny...
Our "home" in Gurgaon is constantly changing, and I am trying to keep a stiff upper lip, cause if I start to cry about everyone who is leaving, the monsoon will look like a drizzle.
So many people leaving made me think about all my friends I have around the world.
And brings back so many sweet memories, but also raises the question...
Will I be able to spend quality time with these people again? How much have we changed? Will I be able to call them friends?
It will never be the same again...
But why does it have to be the same?
You tought me one important lesson - live for the moment and cherish every single second you have spent with the people you love. Now this lesson is back to remind me I should learn to let go.
Neeraj said something really beautiful:"I want to be happy and to be sad, to enjoy every minute of the happiness and sadness, cause only then I will know I have lived"
We meet people for a reason...maybe this is the answer to a long-posted question.

Tonight...

Too much sex yet too little erotica...
So sad :(

On doing good

Our last trip was to McLeaod Ganj, the birthplace of Dalai Lama.
We went to a strange charity concert for Tibetian olymics.
The lead singer (he was something between Santa and a rock-dinosaour) told us the following.
Some years ago, he met Dalai Lama for the first time and started compalining that things are not going well, it is hard to try and change things in the american societiy and so on...
Then the Dalai Lama said:
You find it hard to go ahead, as you are doing good deeds.That is why u meet so many obstacles. If you were doing bad deeds, it would have been much easier.

However you should not give up doing good. Cause...what goes around, comes around.

Happiness

Today was one of the happiest days of my life.
I received so much pure, unconditional love that I feel extremely elevated, and the world bursts out in amazing bright colours.
What happened?
We had a volunteer initiative in Alcatel-Lucent - we brought 70 children from the slums to an amusement/water park.
I was responsible for those two beauties - Monica and Radha:)
So we were chasing around, going on marry-go-rounds, climbing ropes and throwing balls at each other.
Then there was the pool. Splashing water, jumping in it, playing wildly...
I was the first among the adults to get inside. And when one of the guys said that he got inspired by me to jump and play with the kids...it sounded so nice.
I felt a bit sad that I could not answer when "my children" were excitedly pulling me and shouting something in Hindi.
But one thing i knew without having to use any language.
They were happy.
They loved me.
I loved back.
What more do I need to be happy?

India...4 months later

Well, here I am.
A little more than 4 months since my journey began.
It would be an understatement to say "I learned a lot".
Probably I will be able to understand how much I have learned after some time...
I also cannot say that I am able to understand India.This is a country so colourful and diverse, so full of contardictions and contrasts, that you cannot ever say you have figured it out.
My feelings for India are as contrast as that - there are things I love and things I hate, but for sure I feel strong for that country and for its future. I kind of feel it as a second home already:)
What happened in these 4 months...
I went to some places I have never imagined that I will go.
Udaipur, Jaipur, Rishikesh, Nainital, Agra, Kajiraho, McLeaod Ganj...
Done crazy things (like jumping into Ganges)and rafting.
Laughed a lot. Cried a bit.
Partied hard.
Met some amazing people.Made some friends maybe.
Got enchanted by people. Got dissapointed by people.
Made stupid mistakes. Forgave.
Learned a few Hindi words.
Almost got used to spicy food.
Been disturbed. Achieved peace of mind.
Got a few steps closer to happiness.
I have a tentative plan where I want to go. It might be changed overnight.
That's the beauty of it.
Now it is more important to live.
Cause it is, for sure, a pretty exciting life!

A touch of tenderness

In India I have met another fairy. She is subtle, tender, almost transperent.
Just as I would imagine a fairy to be.
Today she made me a miraculous massage. Just like that, without asking for anything, saying it is a pleasure for her.
I have never been a physical person (mening that I have always considered myself body-less and more spiritual, but the massage made me think of a communication on a different level.
What if your hands can speak? What if they are your universal language to getting to know someone? Could you understand people just by touching them?
I felt in another dimention.
It had nothing to do with the physical touch,it was the tenderness of a fairy tale.
Merci beaucoup, ma cherie :)

Questions of a troubled mind...

Why do people always have a double agenda?
Is it good to let go?
Should we believe in Love?
Not judge people for the means they use to get what they want?
How to live light heartedly?
Why can't you be like the others?
Will you follow your dream?
How long can you go?
What happens after...

Life is about...

...simple things.
Long conversations over a huge cup of Mocca with a German girl that I didn't know a month ago (Thanks Kat:))
Hearty laughs over the stories of a Spanish guy I just met.
Driving back home on a bike.
Writing an e-mail to my friends on the balcony, with the wind blowing.
My new set of bangles.
The challenges at work.
Having spent 1500 Rs on books (Lonely planet guide on India and Love in the time of cholera).
The anticipation of reading Khaled Houseini's "A thousand splendid suns".
Not knowing what will happen to me in one year and still being sure I have so many oportunities.
Having seen Jodha Akbar - a naive 3-hour long love story, I didn't understand any conversation in, as it was all in Hindi.
Learning something new every day.
It is so simple and beautiful.
Then...why do we go and make it complicated.

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas :)

Do you remember the times when there was snow for Christmas? I haven't seen a "white Christmas" for two or three years now...And there is something really magical and beautiful in the snowy Christmas.
Anyways, today I realised that if you have a very strong desire for snow - your dreams come true.
Therefore, to bring some magical Christmas spirit, I invite you to sing along with Bing Crosby:)


I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where the treetops glisten,
and children listen
To hear sleigh bells in the snow

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
With every Christmas card I write
May your days be merry and bright
And may all your Christmases be white

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
With every Christmas card I write
May your days be merry and bright
And may all your Christmases be white

Matched!

It has already been two days and i still cannot believe it! Everybody was telling me how hard it is to find a proper AIESEC traineeship, that it takes so much effort and long months of sending e-mails.
Well, I got matched to the first position I applied. Maybe it is beginners luck :) Maybe it is destiny!
Ta-da-dam!
Alcatel-Lucent in India, here I come.
One year in Corporate communications in one of the most amazing countries in the world.
Working along with a Brazilian guy and a Lithuainian girl as AIESEC trainees in Bangalore and Chennai. Challenging myself. Learning a lot. Living a different culture.
The journey will start in less than two months.
I have always believed that there are roads that have to be followed.This is such a road. It might be difficult, unexpected, uncomfortable, dirty and long. Yet I have already stepped on it and I will walk till the end. Sure it will be an exciting journey!

Oh, what a night!

This is just to give you a tiny hint of the crazy party I went to yesterday night. It was a double birthday party:) I think that maybe 30 or 40 people came and we were dancing like crazy :) Just great!

My weekend in pictures: Saturday

Interesting food info in Borovetz

The Samokov hotel

The "You are not alone" campaign is well integrated in selling real estate

The jeeps for our extreme-safari

Picnic time ;)

Me (almost) on top of the world

The song that expresses my mood lately :)

Mika - Grace Kelly lyrics

In case you want to sing along.
Here is the video.

Freedom of speech in this blog

You might be wondering at the strange post and who is the girl at the picture and why is the picture mutilated like that.

The answer is simple:
I consider this blog my own space and I do not accept anyone, even closest friends to censor it.
My feelings are really very positive, but one cannot accept me to agree to remove a certain picture from here just because "I do not want my picture to be on your blog".
Or at least - demanding in this manner is not the right way to do so.
How about politely explaining why you wouldn't like your picture to be there (is it insulting for you?) instead of just giving orders...
I removed the picture from this post, as, however furious I was at Zayo qualifying me as childish etc. and no matter that I really feel that she acted very agressively in this case - I still respect her.
I hope she will not protest against the other picture I put in the post, anyway...
If she does, I will be careful not to put any picture of a friend here.
Problem is, I still do not understand what the problem with the picture was:)

The sea, the sea ...

I am ashamed to admit that form my long 25-year long life, I have never been in Burgas, actually, only passed through there.
So, when Maya (or Zayo, as most of us know her) asked - is there anyone who wants to come to Burgas with me - I was the first volunteer :)
So, here it was - my first visit to the Black sea coast this summer.There is such a strange rule - whenever you live near the sea - you almost do not notice it, you take it for granted, when you are away - you miss it...
We took the Friday 4 o'clock bus, and because not all of the road is a highway, reached 6 hours later.
Zayo's parents were, of course awaiting us, her mum, a very nice woman had prepared us a dinner.They made me the impression of very hospitable people and huge fans of sun-bathing - went to the beach at 8 in the morning every day.
Saturday was a fully scheduled day - we woke up, had a nice home-made breakfast and went to the beach in Sarafovo, which seemed to be nicer than the one in Burgas. We stayed only two hours or so, and it was not quite sunny, yet at the end of the day I felt I was a bit sunburnt.


After the beach, I managed to convince Zayo to go to the city centre (she didn't want to, cause all the people were dressed up and they would stare at us as we looked like idiots in our beach-wear. Well, anyay, who cares?!).
We walked on the beach and I had a few of these precious moments when I just stared at the magic waves and the sky, breathing the fresh air and feeling in a completely parallel Universe.
Then we had lunch-o-dinner with Zayo's cousin who seemed a cool guy and gave us very useful instructions on where to drink what.

The evening was committed to drinking sexy-named cocktails (Sex on the beach, Falling bikini, Double orgasm were only a few of the names) with Zayo and Kateto (who was so much sunburnt, that you could easily fry an egg at her leg). Marvelous!
We went to the beach to check how people were preparing to meet JULY MORNING. I expected more people, gathered around huge fires, drinking beer and playing the guitar. We saw mostly drunk teenagers and a few enthusiasts that seemed to carry the hippie spirit in themselves. I felt so grown up and out of space. For the first time I wished I was 15 again (when I was 15 I actually was thinking like a 30 -year old, but that's another story).
The moon was a perfect circle.
Strange, tempting.
Bitter yellow.
We sat for a while, listening to the music from the nearby disco.
Then we just went home.
Sunday was devoted to the beach again...then a quick nap. I awoke as if awaking from a nice dream. I had to be back to reality.

One more bit of the real me stayed on the bus...I read Haruki Marukami's "Sputnik, Sweet Hart" - a very nice book on love friendship and loneliness.
We are all metal pieces circling the earth in their own orbits. Sometimes we meet for a while. Then we part, without promising each other anything.
Some of us come back.
If they have the guts to do so.

My trip to Auschwitz-Birkenau

I am sorry to start my stories for Krakow with this one.But I have always felt somehow over-empathic with the Holocaust story. And the concentration camps were a place I definitely wanted to visit, although Mimka was trying to convince me it was no use to spoil my great mood with such a gloomy place.
Yet, I do not regret, although it was quite a distressing and tiring journey.
The Auschwitz-Birkenau camp is some two hours drive away from Krakow, I was travelling with an old bus that did not have proper air-condition and was stopping to pick up people literally every 10th minute. Well, that was some way of getting "into the atmosphere", I guess.
When we finally reached, I was quite surprised to see how touristic the place is. Indeed - I dunno why I should be surprised - I should have expected that.
Yet, my perception of the camps, created from watching black-and-white movies and pictures was of a gloomy, dark and lonely place. Well, with all the tourists - it wasn't. The weather was also quite nice, the surroundings - green (in fact, the Nazi propaganda had made pictures of the area, presenting prisoners sitting on the grass, eating and chatting - to convince the mass that Auschwitz was a relatively nice place to be). I guess it would be much more touching if I went during winter, when it is freezing and gloomy.

Anyways - I am happy to have taken the guided tour, as our guide really showed us the most important things and I learned a lot (although I considered I knew pretty much on the topic).
The tour started at Auschwitz, which is comprised of brick barracks and now each of these barracks has an exhibition of some of the evidence from the Nazi atrocities. There are some of the personal belongings of Jewish people and prisoners - piles of shoes, suitcases, glasses, even kitchen utensils. These Nazi bastards were so utilitarian that they used the womens hair to make fabrics. And when the guide said they even used the clothes of the children they have sent to the gas chambers to dress-up their own kids - that really gave me the shivers! She also showed us the cells were prisoners were kept (in the camps there were prisoners - mostly intellectuals, or people fighting against the Nazi and all the rest - the inmates were sent there simply because they were Jewish, gay, Gypsies or just didn't appeal to the Nazis)No windows, something like 1 sq. meter of space - to punish the ones that try to help a fellow prisoner or simply do not manage to come on time for the morning camp roll-call.
They also showed us the only one gas chamber left - the smallest one (the Nazi build other two in Birkenau, as this one was so insufficient, but just before liberation they set them on fire). Gloomy place, smelling of death. Here, as well, they used EVERYTHING that can be used from the dead bodies - ashes, golden teeth (around 5 kilos of dental gold were sent to Deutche bank monthly)...This is so inhumanly utilitarian...reaching to monstrosity!
The tour ended with a short documentary on the liberation of the camps and then we headed to Birkenau, some 3 km away form the mother camp.

At first it didn't exist at all, but when the "Jewish question" was to be solved the Nazi started building it. Compared to Auschwitz it is huge, yet only several of the wooden barracks are left, all the others were demolished by the Nazi or the Russians. There, in Birkenau, people lived in an incredible living conditions, deprived of everything , even basic stuff necessary for surviving. That is why they lived averagely only 6 to 8 months...
I once again got the shivers when we went into the barrack. No heating, no proper isolation - they were freezing in the winter. Sleeping by tens in narrow wooden banks. No showers. Huge rats.
This was really depressing.
And the feeling to stand at the platform where families were separated, lies were told that "you must take a shower" and people sent immediately to death in the gas chambers. I walked the "road of death" that lead to the gas chambers.
Nothing to say at that point.
The place is so full of grief and evidence of incredible cruelty that I even couldn't feel sad. It is just so huge that my mind refused to accept that someone actually did that to more than 1 million human beings.
The thing is - it was not the only case in history for such atrocities. Stalin did the same in Russia, in Bulgaria during the communism there were camps as well...Now,genocide is still alive in some places around the world.
Sadly, human nature has remained so cruel and primitive as it was thousands of years ago.

Placebo - a dream come true

I was at the concert yesterday:)I am so happy I managed to go.
One thing - these guys really rocked the house!
Amazing work!

Krakow

Krakow,
Here I come!
To explore you and enjoy your beauties :)
Can't wait to reach there and see Mimka!
No work for the next 10 days!

Yupee:)

One of those days...

Today was one of those days...
You know what I am talking about - the days that are all full of little nice surprises and accidental meetings that make you happy:)
Well, going out to the office (as today is a normal working day, as tomorrow will be) I saw on the front door that my first postcrossing card had arrived from Finland:) Yupee!
I walked a bit down the street and just bumped in an old friend I have lost completely track of:) It was great to get her mobile number again (last time I tried to call, some guy picked up and insisted that there is "no such girl here") :)
Then, I had to work a bit...well, I really do not like working on weekends, but my trip to Krakow has to be compensated with an extra workload obviously.
After work I met a friend and we visited the "book fair" in the National palace of culture. I bought five (yes, five ;) ) books - mostly children's books - Karlson, who lives at the roof, one Bulgarian book, Winnie the Pooh's Dao and Pigglet's D and one 'serious' book by Haruki Murakami :)
I decided to visit some friends in Studentski grad and while travelling met one of the sweet salsa instructors. I have never talked to him much, so it was cool to discuss books and stuff. Actually on the bus back I met him once again, which was rather funny :)
I realized that the Placebo concert will take place on the 18th June (not 15th as I first understood), so...if my bus comes back from Poland in the right hour, I might be able to get to the concert! I want it so much...
Then, on coming back home I found another postcard from an unknown girl lying on my table. A beautiful photo of Lisbon (which I want to visit so much).
I love such days - they show me that sometimes things just happen. When you need them to.

Russian cartoons :)

To all the people that remember and love the Russian cartoons I would like to dedicate the following song.
I just grew up with Nu Pogodi.
There was no American or western cartoons at this time. So we loved them :)
And I just chose that song, as it always makes me remember my childhood and feel so sweetly melancholic.
Enjoy (even though birthdays come only once a year) :)

Happiness

I am feeling happy at the moment. Well, let's say - the closest to happiness that I have been for the last 2 years. Maybe I am just happy of what I am without blaming myself for anything.
Yes, I admit I have made mistakes.
I still do.
But I do not feel , as before, that my mistakes are among the main reasons for something screwing up.
I am happy with the change that is happening - I feel it is going to bring me more opportunities to express myself and to bring more added value to my work.
Yes, sometimes I really feel depressed when I think of all my friends - they are living in different cultures, living these cross-cultural experiences...and I am just ...staying here.
Well, whatever...

I just wanted to post two pictures of the youngest person I know.
His name is Svetoslav and he was born only 42 days ago.
Life is ahead of him and it is full of opportunities!
For me - as well.
From my humble experience - things always happen for a reason. If I have to pass through a stage - I'll just pass. If I am meant to change - I will change.
Accepting this means a lot less stress for me.

My "goodnight" song

This is one wonderful LOVE song for saying "Goodnight".
And dreaming that I meet a guy like Robert Downey Jr...aaah
Sweet dreams:)
I just couldn't resist to post the lyrics as well.
Goodnight lovers:)
Goodnight dreamers:)

I want love, but it's impossible
A man like me, so irresponsible
A man like me is dead in places
Other men feel liberated

I can't love, shot full of holes
Don't feel nothing, I just feel cold
Don't feel nothing, just old scars
Toughening up around my heart

But I want love, just a different kind
I want love, won't break me down
Won't brick me up, won't fence me in
I want a love, that don't mean a thing
That's the love I want, I want love

I want love on my own terms
After everything I've ever learned
Me, I carry too much baggage
Oh man I've seen so much traffic

So bring it on, I've been bruised
Don't give me love that's clean and smooth
I'm ready for the rougher stuff
No sweet romance, I've had enough

I have been thinking...

Since I watched "Notes on a scandal" I have been thinking that it is not right to judge people for being cruel.
I think I cannot judge Barbara for being so cruel, since she never understood what it is to be loved.
I cannot judge people around me for being malicious - it is their way to survive, to hide from the others that they are actually as fragile as we all are.
I even cannot judge myself for the contempt I feel towards the person I loved just a few months ago.

Resurrection

I am not what I am...
At least i wasn't for the last two years.
I believe I am being closer to my true self each day.
The recovery is based on some basic rules:
Do not regret about the mistakes you have made.
Do not blame yourself for the mistakes of the others.
It is great to be empathic, but the most important thing is you.
Do the things that make you happy.
Notice things.
Love life.

That's it. Life is simple.
We make it difficult with more words than necessary.

Petia's Birthday

Yesterday I was invited to the birthday celebration of one of the people I appreciate most in AIESEC - my first "boss" Petia.
When I first met her, I wondered how it was possible for such a tiny fragile girl to be so firm and straightforward!
I have been wondering ever since.
She is such a nice person and I hope she is lucky in life:)
Just a short note how we spend her birthday...
First we went to "Krivoto" ...ah, it was so tough to resist all these delicious things.And...well, finally we didn't resist.
We were only women with just one guy - Johnny. It was Petia, Megan, Sevi, Liana (the sweet Armenian trainee), Maya and Stassy.
Stassy gave Petia a very well packed present:)
Here is Petya trying to unwrap it...
Step 1: "Let's see what is in here"

Step 2: "C'mon, open up!"

Step 3: "Finally:)What a nice surprise!"


After that, we went to "Bar at the end of the world" to dance at some retro music. It was rather nice, especially as John behaved as a real gentleman, and ordered champaigne for everyone. I will be waiting for some pictures...
When we were saying goodbye something Petia said something that warmed my heart.
"Thank you. My friends are my happiness".
What else do I need to be happy than making some other person happy!

My "angry" song

I really like Placebo and I think I can classify more than one from their songs in the "angry" song category.
Here is "The Bitter end"
I think i love Brian's androginy (that must have sounded reaaaaly crazy:) )
Can't wait for the concert!

Every time we say goodbye I die a little...

I hate being so emotional.
Every time I loose a friend I die...
And I feel so desperate...
I guess it hurts even more knowing that you cannot do anything about it.

AIESEC and non-AIESEC emotions

In the last few days I was
...excited about AIESEC, as Emo invited me on the official panel of BLDS. It is really an honour to be among Koceto, Krasi, Kalin:)
...happy because of AIESEC, when I saw the people applying for LCP of LC Plovdiv. I remembered the old days back in my home LC Varna.
...sad because of AIESEC,because the way the same elections in Plovdiv were organised and ended
I was also excited for I had to take a major risk at work. I had to decide if I am willing to change my field. I did it and I do not regret.
I would never forgive myself if I had missed the chance.
Better regret for decisions made, then for decisions not made...

Happy feet

Yep :)
I just watched the movie.
And this video is literally "breaking the ice"
Hihi

I'm not crazy...

In case you need to sing you can get the lyrics here. :)

I am NOT proud to be Bulgarian because...

...our politics are not acting as defendants of our rights abroad. Bulgarian nurses are convicted to death. 8 years nobody does nothing and hundreds of dollars are paid for lawyers without any success. Now...an initiative to save the nurses is started. It is called "You are not alone"..It is supposed to support the prisoners and their families and to express the public opinion with the hope that something might be changed and can be free. Yet, the whole campaign is getting too commercial.It is everywhere! You have the "you are not alone stickers", the "you are not alone" ribbons. Shops are putting the "you are not alone" sign, demonstrating a very populist maketing aproach. I even so "you are not alone" sugars packets and "you are not alone" salads:(
... a group of taxi drivers block the whole capital in an agressive protest, causing a terrible delay and losses for business. They have the right to protest - their collegue has been killed.Yet they do not have the right to be as arrogant as to ask some special privileges from the Parliement - like being able to drive without safety belts and getting more money per drive...
...a "businessman" (connected to the mafia) puts in his retail centre -TZUM an aquarium and there he places...a baby tiger to entertain the customers!!! After a serious protest the businessman decided to move the poor animal to the Plovdiv zoo.You might think that he finally understood how obnoxious and inhumane it is to keep an animal in a glass cage.No, you are not right. Yes, he is extremely stupid - he is serching for a black panther to replace the tiger!
These are free of the reasons that certainly don't make me feel very proud to be Bulgarian!!!

A favourite song

Once I used to love that Bulgarian band called PIF quite a lot. They wrote meaningful texts and made beautiful music. I guess it was a part of my grunge-romantic period :)
Then, some of the band members left...so the magic was gone.
I still enjoy listening to the music. Brings back so many beautiful memories of concerts and people.
Enjoy...:)

My Valentine's day present

...as I hate all the "marketing" and "artificial" ways people "celebrate" love o