do you know how it feels to love you?

do you know how it feels to love you?
brilliant.

lately I have been thinking

Sometimes love works better from a longer distance. Being too close for too long is not always a recipe for happiness.

unexpected

"Can you stay a minute so I can watch you for a while?"
Made my day.

Thank you, Father :)

A sunrise, a shooting star, a rainbow and a sunset...
How much beauty can be in just a few hours?
How much love does someone deserve to be given?
How much pain can one cause in a lifetime, unintentionally?
How much strength do you need to forgive?
How much happiness can a heart hold?
Time is relative.
Love is absolute.
Thank you Father, for knowing again what is best for me!

erase &rewind

people
places
faces
why is it so hard to change a habit?
to let the vacuum enter your life and suck certain experiences in.
the obsession of writing the script of a never-ending book is on me...
I see the lines in my head while observing people.
she is crazy, talks a bit too much but it is just because she wants to make a important point. she is not boring, not at all. he is nice to talk to, though deadly confused of what he wants to do in life.she needs someone to be gentle to her - too much of playing the role of a matcho girl.he has the cutest smile and loves fun...but then what.she is afraid of growing old and being alone and she never stops talking about herself.he wants to reach out for her but God, she is too much and scares him...I mean who wouldn't be scared...
and this never ends...
erase. and rewind.

creating space

Sometimes a single line written by someone close can make you happier than thousand words.The simplicity and sincerity of it makes me love him so much!
Sometimes...you just need to make some space.
Clean and rearange the closet.
To let new experiences in.

a-day-before-the-b-day

I made it out of the darkness again.
I carefully wrapped the memories and images and put them in a drawer to be used later on for my supposed-to-be-written book.
You need to distance yourself from personages and places you are writing about.

Now there is only light and happiness. Happiness is here and now. The past had to happen that way, not any other. The future - it will come in the best way possible.
But the precious gem to hold in my hand is NOW. To be healthy and young, free,inspired and loving.
Thank you for all those amazing gifts!

from a hopeless romantic

Wondering why men need some reason to be romantic.
Maybe it is just how it is meant to be.

Someone has to have the guts and creativity to surprise me :)

metrosve

Every day i travel in the metro to go and come back from work.I enjoy observing people there.It's a whole new world...
Here is a picture from a photo-session a friend of mine made for an art-project.

summer

Summer has come and with it - the need to listen to "light" music that makes my head airy :) I catch muself more and more often just giving into the music and not thinking of anything else at all (which happens very rarely to me. It is so nice...
Something mysrerious is happening - last week wherever I entered, I was chased by the Jai Ho! song from Slumdog Millionaire. Seems even after I let go of India, it is still after me :) (There is something utterly conforting in accepting that something is a part of you beyond a lifetime)
***
Anyways...
I am starting a new job, back in Sofia.Challenging and meaningful :)
Excited about some projects of my own I want to launch.
Lots of books to read, some tentative travel plans. (Would love to check out Serbia, Romania and Istanbul and why not Greece in the nearest future :))
In any case - this summer promises to be at least as exciting as the last two ones ;)
And I will plunge in it!

scary

Sometimes I feel so much Indian it scares me.

I did it!

I did it.
I spat out the truth.
I made the confession.
I typed the painful words, thought over and over again during all these months.
I told you, what I did not allow myself to tell u for all that time.
As I expected - u had known it all the time.
I don't know if I feel lighter now...and I can only guess how you feel.
It is better not to know at this point.

How long does it take to get an Indian visa in Bulgaria?

Well, around 7 or 8 months, provided you have submitted the right set of documents. That, I learned, was the case of another Bulgarain, working now in Delhi.
But...I submitted the wrong set of documents and I can't understand how, at the time of submission I was told "Your application is against the law", yet they took my documents.
Since the 12th of Feb, I have tried every single option possible, got people involved in "my visa issue" at the highest possible level.
All they say is - you need to wait. So wait I did, days, months. Around 2 months and a half, to be precise.
No indication that anything is moving though.
Great strategy, I admit - you do not want to give a visa to someone, so you leave them waiting, until they give up.
This time has been tough. I wish u never to be in a situation when you don't know where you will be next week, but you cannot act to change anything, cause someone has told you to WAIT!
At the beginning it was very tough to grasp the idea that I am not coming back. Everyone knows how I love India as a second home. I had made plans, I wanted to go, to see, to experience. If you want to cheer up God, tell Him your plans ;)
Now, I am taking it as a sign. Maybe it is better that way. Maybe I need to come back to India at a different time and with a different purpose.
The future will show.
Now I live in the present...

has the North wind gone weary...?

Today I saw half of "Chocolat" and almost the whole "Lost in translation".
It is good to watch movies again after you have lived through certain stuff. Helps u understand them better.
...
I am wondering, has the North wind grown weary?
A part of me really wants the answer to be "yes".
But another part is anxiously expecting when is it going to blow again...

protection.

needs no comment.
some songs just say it all.

resurrection

Some loves are not possible because of fear.
Some - because of space and time.
This one was linguistically and culturologically impossible.
Realizing this brought me closer to forgiveness.

Resurrection for the heart just before Easter.

love lost in translation

Do you think it matters for lovers to speak one and the same language?
People say that the language of love is universal.
Maybe.
But then...
How do you understand the words that I can say best in my mother tongue?
How would you read the poetry that I could write to you?
How could I understand the songs that you grew up with?
Words, are again, irrelevant.

inspiring

from here

letters

I miss writing and reading letters on paper...
Anyone interested to be my pen-pal :)?

heartography

this is a worldmap
with the pieces of my heart scattered over it

waiting

Whoever said patience is a virtue was an extremely wise man.
The whole weight of the saying I have learned to carry recently.
waiting...
with no deadlines ahead
no clarity
no commitments and no promises
just storng belief and hope that if it is meant to happen, it will
life will do the best for me.

still it feels
like jumping from the edge of a cliff with your back turned to the dark abyss below
I don't know how long the fall will last
and will I land up in the cold, refreshing embrace of water
the rough touch of a solid rock
or the tender caress of a cushion

"I soar across the dark void of “the past is gone; the future is not yet here.” I have come to believe that is the only place that real change happens."

This is the time to face myself.
Not the deadlines, but the lack of deadlines defines me now.

rehab

I wanted to post this song for a long time
Every word of the lyrics falls into place...
Just a coincidence?
Or...

Baby, baby
When we first met
I never felt something so strong
You were like my lover
And my best friend
All wrapped into one
With a ribbon on it
And all of a sudden
You went, left
I didn't know how to follow
It's like a shot
That spun me around
And now my heart left
I feel so empty and hollow

And I'll never give myself to another
The way I gave it to you
Don't even recognize
The ways you hurt me
Do you?
It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back
And you're the one to blame

And now I feel like, oh
You're the reason
Why I'm thinking
I don't wanna smoke on
These cigarettes no more
I guess that's what I get
For wishful thinking
I should've never let you enter my door
Next time you wanna go on and leave
I should just let you go on and do it
Cause now I'm using like I bleed

It's like I checked into rehab and
Baby, you're my disease
It's like I checked into rehab and
Baby, you're my disease

I gotta check into rehab
'Cause baby you're my disease
I gotta check into rehab
'Cause baby you're my disease

Damn,
Ain't it crazy when you're love swept?
You'll do anything for the one you love
'Cause anytime that you needed me
I'd be there
It's like you were my favorite drug
The only problem is
That you was using me
In a different way that I was using you
But now that I know, it's not meant to be
You gotta go, I gotta ween myself off of you

And I'll never give myself to another
The way I gave it to you
Don't even recognize
The ways you hurt me
Do you?
It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back
And you're the one to blame


And now I feel like, oh
You're the reason
Why I'm thinking
I don't wanna smoke on
These cigarettes no more
I guess that's what I get
For wishful thinking
I should've never let you enter my door
Next time you wanna go on and leave
I should just let you go on and do it
Cause now I'm using like I bleed

long time no sea

I am going to the sea after a long time.
I saw it last in December 2007.
Yes, I saw the ocean in October last year...but it is not the same.
It was not my sea...tamed by the memories of so many hours, spent with precious people.
I didn't have the time to tame the ocean. I just took the memory of the deserted beach. Of people, I had got to know a day before, but my inner self felt like I have always known them. Of those rare moments of bliss when you are not thinking, just being.
Nevermind...
The sea. I am looking forward to seeing it. Smelling it. Feeling the cold wind blow through me (I have never been on very friendly terms with this wind). Breathing life.
It will be a long-craved home-coming.

I wish I could live by the sea some day.

half-baked

I started reading the "White Tiger" and one expression caught my eye - "half-baked cities for half-baked people".
It dawned on me why I felt so gloomy in the past few months.
I have been living in a "half-baked" city for a year. A place as hollow as the skelletons of the numerous concrete mamooths rising every night, shadowing thousands of lives. Full of thousands of half-baked people, whoose only purpose in life is life itself.
Hollow. That is the word a friend used describing another artificially created city. With no history. No spirit.
Sometimes the city I live in is, as the Red Hot Chilly Pepers sing "my only friend". Sometimes it is the best friend of all, because it will listen to your pains and offer you the consolation of its pulsating streets, the smile of its facades and the spirit of its people.
Not if it is half-baked. Not if it is hollow.
I pray that I will never have to live in a city like this for too long.

law of attraction

Thanks to Megan, I have started reading the "Law of attraction". I have never liked self-help type of books, yet this one is something quite different. If I cut the self-help part, the book actually helps you understand one of the laws of the Universe: Whatever your inner being desires, sooner or later comes into your existence.
That is why, I guess, people say "Careful what you wish for". If you do not understand the power of wishing, or you are not sure what you wish for...things happen to you and you continue wondering "why they happen like this".
It turns out that we need to teach our souls to wish, and thus create our realities. Sometimes, this is hard, as circumstances or people delude us into believing that we want something which actually we do not. Or, not being quite clear on what we wish for, we turn out to get something that is not quite what we wanted.
Certain recent happenings in my life have convinced me of the exsistence of the Law of attraction - both in small, daily things, as well as in bigger events.
Now I need to improve my wishing "skills"...and learn to be patient and trust.
That's the hardest part.

Conversation

- I do not want to stay in India. I can't. I am not really free there. How can I be happy if I cannot be myself...
- Then...why do you want to come back?
- To search for beauty, inspiration,love, wisdom...To learn.

Sometimes the paths we need to go are longer.
But they always lead us to where we should go.

Fire

Just finished watching Deepa Mehta's "Fire".
True, painful and beautiful movie.
There is one line that Radha says when parting with her husband...
There is no life without desire.

To what extent should we control our desires, if burying them means trying to lie to ourselves?
Is it better to live with a heavy heart or with a broken heart?
What is more important - desire or devotion?
Is desire justified by love?

I want to believe I have my answers to some of these questions...

back

Back to Sofia.
walking the same streets that bring so many memories.
breathing the air that seems fresh and clean.
sipping a large cappucino in my favourite Onda opposite the Russian church.
recieving unexpected calls.
meeting unexpected people.
spending time with close friends.
smiling.
a lot.
the look at people's faces when they first see me.
having my schedule full with meeting people.
drinking wine and eating cheese.
making tentative plans for concerts, parties, trips.
nothing has changed much in Sofia.
it is grey, dirty...a little sad.
nothing has changed...
except me.

thank you for the music...:)

Moving in the black and yellow Ambassador around the evening streets of Delhi.
Saying 'goodbye' for a while...God knows how long the while will be.
I will miss the place. Although it is dirty and crowded with human bodies. With sorrows and struggles.
I have started loving it.
One year in India has gone by so quickly, yet it is so full of intense experiences that, when I turn back, I cannot see anything negative. I see faces of people that have grown dear to my heart and that I will always remember and mention in my silent prayers, even if I never see them again. I see lots of love given and recieved.Lots of valuable lessons learned...
Maybe this is the reason that I have the sun smiling in my eyes lately...

Life is unpredictable.
You never know...:)

Counting my blessings...

Recently I met someone, in fact Exupéry's Little Prince in reality...An amazing boy who always has this beautiful smile on his face...and he told me something very simple and beautiful. He said:

If you want to be happy take some time every day to count your blessings.

So today I had so many reasons to feel blessed.
A surprise call from a close friend made me smile for a good 3 minutes while on the phone.
It is amazing what significant role cheese and olives play in our lives :)
I had lunch with the team. How didn't I realize before how delicious Indian food is...daal, Kashmiri rice, aloo gobi, tandoori aloo and rotis. It was amazing to have this food. With these 4 people.

It was about love and being thankful for what I am and what I have.
And about prayer.

I pray that the people I love are healthy, safe and at least as blessed as I am!
And in case u do not believe in prayers, I can assure you - prayers DO work! Once an Angel told me that :)

before you jump

it is just the moment before you jump
when you are scared from the water
yet welcoming, expecting its cold embrace
you want to feel its powerful fingers grip your limbs
and the tender touch of a warm current caress your skin
it's the first time
the comeback
the plunge from one world to the other
the clash of civilizations
the life before that never equals the life after
places change
people change
you change
life is change
it is just the moment before you jump
the essence of existence on the tip of a moment
exciting
exhilirating
pulsating
everything poised on the line of balance
your whole being is expecting the jump
but you are not in a hurry
you are here
now
vibrating with the heartbeat of the Universe
with a heart full of sun rays
and hope shining in the curls of your hair
you know that you are not the best swimmer
but you trust the water
and you love the water
it will never let you down.

black...with a little bit of silver lining

today was black
woke up with the sound of pigeons making love in the AC box.
just as I did one month back.
Remember?
same but not quite so.
all day black thoughts were creeping in my mind.
terror attacks. war with pakistan.kashmir.gaza.gas crisis in bulgaria.
my heart was so heavy with only one single question.
where the hell is this world going...?
seems like i have woken up from a dream, to find myself in a nightmare.
and i recieved a very strange mail today from my yoga teacher
it said that we are entering a 20 day astrological period where some disturbing and negative events can be expected - like misunderstandings between people, confusion, problems...
what was recommended was
patience
self-reflection and evaluation of life
music
meditation
meetings with old friends
attention to details
well...that is exactly what I intend to do...hope it brings some silver lining...

Love lessons

Lesson number One: Love is the unity of two beings, in which they stand together, equal. Love, but never try to lead, modify or change. It is about accepting as it is or accepting it is not meant to be.

Lesson number Two: Love hurts. It is incredibly hard to let go and love with the pure, unconditional love that does not ask for anything in return. But if you manage to do it, you are one step closer to the Divine and to happiness.

Lesson number Three: Just when you think that you have lost your ability to love, there comes someone that you find worthy of your love.He/she comes to prove a point - do not ever loose your faith in love.

Lesson number Four: Sometimes love comes in the form of a collision. It comes to shake you out of your comfortable zone, makes you ask yourself lots of uncomfortable questions, makes you search for answers and change.

All of these are beautiful. Thank God for letting me learn them.

Lesson number Five: Let's see what it will be...

parallel worlds

She exists in two parallel words...
The world "here and now", the what people call "material world" is just a temporary stop.
With little bridges to the real world beyond, the world of the eternal soul.
A Saturday afternoon in the misty Lodi gardens, around tombs with smeared outlines and mosques that someone has woven poetry into.
Meaningful solitude.
Cosmic music.
Sensual pleasures that pull u out of the mundane and place u in the whirlpool of very personal, yet very universal emotions.
The feeling of closeness beyond physical presence.
She is sometimes so bored by the "here and now"...
Thank God for the real world!

On the first day of 2009...

My eyes are full of
blue skies
tired smiles
beautiful words
colourful people
intriguing book covers
My head is full of
questions
plans for the near future
doubts
memories of precious moments from the last year
thoughts about love and loved ones
quotes from "Shantaram"
My heart is full of
hope
desire
hunger to live
forgiveness
love
sorrow
happiness.
If I have to judge the year from the first day of it, 2009 is going to be an interesting one...

On the last day of 2008...

I would like to thank God for this year, cause it has been, truly, one of the most amazing years of my life.
I saw and experienced so much beauty in every form of it - in places, in people, in music, in colours,in tastes, in aromas, in moments.
I discovered that I am capable of loving again. And suffering the pain of love.
I learned lessons about the world, about life, about love and myself.
I was up and down, I laughed loud and cried so hard as if my soul was torn apart.
I made stupid, painful mistakes.
I forgave people, and loved them, despite circumstances.
I hoped and I prayed. I may be got a step closer to the Divine self...
Thank you, God, for bringing all this my way.
In the new year,
I wish for good health for me and my closest people.
I wish to find the stregth in me to be a better person.
I wish to find the inspiration to create beauty around me and inspire smiles on people's faces.
I wish to always find a good word to say to warm a heart.
I wish to find the love for life and for people and the excitement of meeting every new day with a smile and new hope:)
Happy New Year to everyone!

weather

i am trying not to think about u.
but I imagine u sitting somewhere
where it is snowing outside
carefully avoiding any thought about me.
clinging to your real life.
i a doing the same...

we people get so clumsy when we break something...don't u agree...

I understand.
I do not blame.
I love too much to blame.
Love is my blessing and my curse.
most of all...I want to mend this.
I want to make the most of it...as much as the socially acceptable terms would allow.
As much as u let me.
Do not be scared. I will not be a storm.
Not in your life.
But do not ask me to be a breeze as well...

...desire...

closing my eyes...
my hips move with this rhythm
the music vibrates in me
in my body
in my soul
i am a belly dancer
my eyes burn your skin
and my moves leave bruises to your heart

...desire...

days

days go by
countdown has begun
they go too slow
small pieces of reality
remind me where i am
snapshots of a day
a colourful soup
eaten very slowly
the minutes on the cross trainer
5...10...15
tired of thinking
i sleep quite early
these days
and find consolation
in conversations
in God
and want to believe that miracles happen
at Christmas time...

i want to tell you

that I want you to be the fragrance on my skin when I wake up in the morning.
that I want to be part of some small daily ritual of yours.
that I want to talk to you without stopping until we both get too tired and fall asleep.
that I want to share a hearty laugh with you.
that I want to make crepes for you.
and...so many other things I want to tell you...

Just a perfect day...

Woke at around 4 in the morning.
I could hear my soul wailing somewhere far. Metaphorically. In fact it was only the street dogs.
Suddenly I felt at peace and happy.
Woke up and decided not to wait for the others but head for Delhi straight away.
Dressed. My Bulgarian tee, the favourite green and white duparta,the hat that is not exactly mine. And the black coiled earring. Just one. As a statement...
Went to Landmark and bought a thing i love for a person I love. I love giving presents :)
Got on the bus to medical. Listening to Ostava. Started reading "Shantaram" and loved the style.
Peeped into the book of the girl sitting next to me. Maths.
I had to meet Ricardo and Pauline at Dilli Haat. Was wondering where to go, then the idea just sprang up in my mind. Of course we should go to Dilli Haat.
Waiting for them in the sunlight, jotting some names in my gift-list for home...trying not to forget someone and visualizing the meeting with these people.
Then, Ricardo and Pauline came, we strolled around Dilli Haat. Devouring the variety of colours and shapes. Scarves, wood, fabrics, leather, kites,jewelery, paper...a see of beautiful items that have caught the spirit of India. I thought of how much I will miss India when I go...
We had lunch at one of the restaurants. Huge portions we couldn't finish though I shared mine with a very fat cat and a skinny dog. Remembered how Neeraj told me how he loves the place.*Inner smile:) Remembered how I went there first with Andre and was fascinated. *Inner smile :)We moved to Sarojini market...the familiar crowd and mess, and the memories of waiting for Julie to do her last minute shopping. Pauline bargained furiously for a pair of earrings.We saw a belly-dancer costume. Remembered Pondy trip and the hilarious "dancing night" at the hotel. I really need to learn Indian dances, I made a point to myself.
Then, we headed to CP...said goodbye to the guys. Knowing I will meet them someday...somehow:)
Walked on the road where we walked together last Sunday. Remembered how beautifully confused and excited u were...Indulged in the pain of the memory. Thought about what Vesi said..."let yourself be sad". Strolled around, listening to Niyaz, thinking of the time we will spend with Vladi when I am back. Simply being happy of where I am.
Got into a Coffee Day, ordered a latte and opened Shantaram again. Observed people around as I love doing...Saw that the B8ulgarian lady - Mariana had called me.
She happened to be in CP as well...so can we meet for coffee?
Thought how much I love accidential meetings. They just make my day :)
Mariana was with her husband - the Austrian diplomat and the two kids - a 9-year old girl and 12-year old boy. Pleasant surprise that they greeted me in Bulgarian:)
Then - the excitement of speaking my mother tongue to someone I meet for the first time, but I know I connect to. Conversations about life and love and India and Delhi. Where will I live next? Cairo? Istanbul? Funny I never thought of Istanbul in this way :) Sharing pleasant moments and a sinful chocolate cake with this amazing family that has lived here and there...
I had to go back to Gurgaon...so I got into an autorick...The driver was nice. Tried to explain me where the cabs stop in Hindi. I believe I should learn a bit of Hindi. As a part of my endeavour of digging deeper into the great Indian soul:) Would be nice to talk to people just like that...
Then, I was quite anxious if I will manage to catch the right bus but luckily it came very quickly :) Sat down and had a random (but pleasant) conversation with an Indian boy. I like conversations with strangers in buses and trains :)
Just a perfect day...and the happiness of the moments is still lingering in me...

My "late nite song" lately...

songs like that are such a beautiful
expression of the human soul
and people who write them are genius...



Precious and fragile things
Need special handling
My God what have we done to You?

We always try to share
The tenderest of care
Now look what we have put You through...

Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we'd manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give

Angels with silver wings
Shouldn't know suffering
I wish I could take the pain for You

If God has a master plan
That only He understands
I hope it's Your eyes He's seeing through

Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we'd manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give

I pray You learn to trust
Have faith in both of us
And keep room in Your heart for two

Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we'd manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give

what does it take ...

to love even if u know it does you no good
to not be able to sleep at night thinking where u go wrong
to remain true to who u are
to face the fear of being alone
to give a piece of your heart to the ones you love and still have some left
to be good to people although they do not deserve it
to forgive their weaknesses
to believe in beauty
to smile when you do not feel like it
to talk to the fairies in your sleep
to be happy with who you are and grateful of the people that are in your life

Goodnight...

sometimes at night when sleep is avoiding me
i start thinking
where you are
if you are alone
in bed
at a party
talking
loving
eating
sometimes i want to sit down and write
but i force my heart to sleep
then i am at peace
i often wonder r u what i think u are
or u are not real
and when is it going to end this time
and when is a good time to put it into words
is there a good time at all
goodnight now
i hope u sleep well

My amazing life recently...

Ok...this is what happened to me in the last week...
On Saturday I was a model, ramp-walking in front of all Alcatel-Lucent in NCR employees and their families (around 2500 ppl). Being groomed, dressed up etc etc.
It was so much fun!:)
I had late conversations with what i believe is a God-sent ambassador. He saved me from ruining the happiness of someone that means a lot to me.Made me realize once again how hard it is to really love. And how far I can go for love...
Emo, my ex-team mate from the Bulgarian MC called in and we met and chatted for this and that. People we know and their lives around the world. Our own amazing lives...Feels good to meet someone that u have shared so much with in the past :)
I had a wild Friday night out with some colleagues. Almost went to extremes...I needed that!
Today I met Alcatel-Lucent global CEO - Ben Vervyaawen. Very energetic and charismatic man! Had breakfast with his wife who is so nice :)No star-attitude, very pleasant to talk to...
I also made a decision to move to Delhi. Try to shift my social circle a bit.
A friend of a friend from Bulgaria called. She is gonna live in Delhi for the next 4 years. And she seems quite a nice person. So exciting I am going to have someone that speaks my language here :)
All in all...pretty amazing :)
Now what is left - to get peace of mind...seems to hard at the current state of affairs. I am more and more learning how to use mind control over feelings...Let's see how long I will manage...

Farewell...

Take care of your heart while I am away she said...
I wish I knew how...

Happiness

I do not believe in happiness as a constanta...
Happiness is a fleeting sensation. You need a great skill to make it a state of mind.
Every day when I stop to think I realize how blessed I am to have what I have.
I realize that I have been to places for which people only dream about.
I am hanging aroud with a vibrant young crowd of amazing people from across the world.
Maybe I am a bit careless - not worrying too much about the future, not hurrying up the career ladder, not searching for the one to build a family with...not even sure what I want to do for a living.
Yet someone said - it is not important how you will feel in future, but how u feel now. Live for the moment!
The picture above is from the Indian ocean coast. Spent 3 days there with a bunch of very cool people.Some of them I might not meet again. But the happiness that I felt will linger on :)
When I turn back and explore these 9 last months in India...I see a string of such beads of happiness...And a circle of people, spread around the world that I know will always treasure and share this beads of happiness with me.
Thank you for being a part of my life!

That's me...8 months after

Well...it seems I have been in India forever...
Funny how a life changes from year to year.
One year back at this time I was headhunted.
Two years back I was just starting on my first "serious" job
Three years back I had just come back from IC in India (fate maybe...)
Next year - who knows...
Now is the time for decisions.
I hope my intuition leads me in the right direction again.
and as Alanis Morisette used to say in one song
"Thank you India" :)
Our journey has not yet finished, yet I know that it is one of the most amazing journeys in my life so far!

and that's it

and that's it
you are there
i am not
not me
so tense
so wound up
so get-down-to business
i need lies
beautiful lies
i want u to lie to me that u feel different with me
that i am something for u
u will not do it
i know
even if u do
what is the point
you are there
i am here
i need to stop thinking about that
bas!

damn it!

I miss you so much. And can't even tell you how much I miss you.

...stuck in a moment...

i am stuck in a moment
thinking bout my future
memories of places and people flashing by
Gosh!how many people I have met, talked to...
How many of them have stayed in my mind...and heart.
And it is a crossroad again.
Where do I go from here?

Friday, I'm in love

Almost single...looking for a Punjabi ;)

Reading "Almsot single" has been enough fun, yet who knew that i could be involved in a husband-hunt in real life.
Today, after a very agitated discussion over lunch my two bosses decided that I am a true Punjabi girl.
I behave like a Pujabi (understand - make dramatic gestures and wobble my head)
I talk like Punjabi
I eat like Punjabi (tandoori chicken is among my favourites, yet i have heard that Punjabi food is generally very oily)
I dress like Punjabi
Well...I really have no clue ...I had to take their word for it for the sake of everyone's entertainment.
The most funny part was when they decided to get me a registration in one of these matrimonial sites , put a picture and get me a Punjabi husband :))))
Then, I could live in a big house, have a Mercedes and a washing machine to make lassie in (i couldn't actually believe it, but it turned out that these people really use washing machines to make lassie!)
So...that's the news...I am going to wait for my filthy rich and pretty hairy Punj prince to come on a white horse...or rather a white BMW :)))

low

the sky was low today
i was waiting for a storm that never came
tired of the thick, tense air
almost feeling the solitude sticking to my skin
missing people
feeling distant
not a part of the puzzle
or part of a different puzzle
feeling that love is more evasive than ever
i so much need a God's sign these days
but i am probably too shortsighted to find it in little everyday things
but as it is said in one of my favourite songs
"it's a new dawn, it's a new day and i'm feeling good"
let's see what the new dawn brings :)

rainy

it has been raining restlessly for the past almost 20 hours
it's like livin in an underwater world
the only thing that i am thinking of the whole day is a nice, cosy place
a cup of thick hot chocolate and long easy-going conversation about life with someone i have just discovered
tomorrow we are all going to this amazing Mocha place - i fell in love even before i have stepped in
the whole melancholic mood of this week that went down the drain like a dream
makes me think of an ella fitzdjerald song that boris had given me.

Everytime we say goodbye, I die a little,
Everytime we say goodbye, I wonder why a little,
Why the Gods above me, who must be in the know.
Think so little of me, they allow you to go.
When you're near, there's such an air of spring about it,
I can hear a lark somewhere, begin to sing about it,
There's no love song finer, but how strange the change from major to
minor,
Everytime we say goodbye.

When you're near, there's such an air of spring about it,
I can hear a lark somewhere, begin to sing about it,
There's no love song finer, but how strange the change from major to
minor,
Everytime we say goodbye

Have a good weekend...

Kiss me goodnight...

Kiss me goodnight...
long enough...
i will guide you out of this world.
take my hand and play with my fingers.
as long as I want to...or long enough...you will know.
kiss my fingertips
one by one
touch my palms with your lips
let me feel your warm breath going up my arms...caressing my shoulders...moving my untidy hair
stop and linger for a while
let me look in your smiling eyes
smile
close your eyes
we are so close that your face is almost touching mine
stay like this for a while
keep your eyes closed
then slowly...as if hesitating
find my lips
cover them with tiny tiny kisses
then bite them
.....use your imagination to wish me "sweet dreams"
Good night my dear.

Hunger

Some dishes require more attention than others.
They need to be savoured slowly to get their real taste.
At first you would say they taste strange, even bitter...but in a a while , when the palate gets used to that...you sense a whole lot of flavours.
Sweet and sour and spicy and tingy...A hint of dark chocolate. Orange and black pepper. Something melting in your mouth...
Don't rush with these dishes. You could just spoil the taste...
If you are not ready to dedicate the time...just choose another item on the menu.

Natural drugs

On a Saturday morning, a list of 45 things that really make u happy...

1. Falling in love.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the supermarket.
5. A special glance.
6. Getting mail.
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
11. Chocolate milkshake (vanilla or strawberry).
12. A bubble bath.
13. Giggling.
14. A good conversation.
15 The beach
16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.
17. Laughing at yourself.
18. Looking into their eyes and knowing they LOVE you
19 Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
20. Running through sprinklers.
21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
23. Laughing at an inside joke with FRIENDS
25. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).
28. Makiig new friends or spending time with old ones.
30. Having someone play with your hair.
31. Sweet dreams.
32. Hot chocolate.
33. Road trip with friends.
34. Swinging on swings.
35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
36. Making chocolate chip cookies.
37. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.
38. Holding hands with someone you care about.
39. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.
40. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.
41. Watching the sunrise.
42. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.
43. Knowing that somebody misses you.
44. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.
45. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.

My world

India is a country where you can rarely get privacy.
With so many people around you are always bound to have someone intruding your personal space (even if the person might not be doing it deliberately). In our place u-59 as we live like a big family - there is constantly someone in our room...
That makes me treasure my moments of solitude even more. I am a very social person, but I need this time spent in my own world.
To think, dream or create characters and plots in my mind.
There is something playfully childish to be able to isolate yourself from the outside world and just observe.
Today I got the chance to do it -I was listening to my music and describing my India experience, while observing the two friends of mine chatting.There were two different worlds...
Sometimes I really feel sorry for those, whose inner world is deserted or full of too many elements of reality and dqily prose. Must be very sad and boring sometimes...

Just like that...

Darkness ocassionally broken by soft lightning.
Clouds with silver lining.
Gentle wind playing with my hair.
Making breathing (and probably living) possible.
I am listening to this.
Thinking...or feeling...
I am just like that...

asking nasty questions
building castles in the sky
being cruel and sarcastic
blaming myself
feeling too much


My curse is to be distant.
Detached, separated and ever-evasive.

loving beautiful things sometimes can hurt.
but can't pain be beautiful?


...I am so tired...
But a man has to do what a man has to do.

Good friends we had...good friends we've lost

A lot of friends are leaving these days. Closer friends, or just people that I like. People that have become a part of my life in a way.
Torill...Nata...Isabel...
soon Neeraj...Francois...Henk...Julie...Peter...Burcu...Jenny...
Our "home" in Gurgaon is constantly changing, and I am trying to keep a stiff upper lip, cause if I start to cry about everyone who is leaving, the monsoon will look like a drizzle.
So many people leaving made me think about all my friends I have around the world.
And brings back so many sweet memories, but also raises the question...
Will I be able to spend quality time with these people again? How much have we changed? Will I be able to call them friends?
It will never be the same again...
But why does it have to be the same?
You tought me one important lesson - live for the moment and cherish every single second you have spent with the people you love. Now this lesson is back to remind me I should learn to let go.
Neeraj said something really beautiful:"I want to be happy and to be sad, to enjoy every minute of the happiness and sadness, cause only then I will know I have lived"
We meet people for a reason...maybe this is the answer to a long-posted question.

Tonight...

Too much sex yet too little erotica...
So sad :(

Happiness

Today was one of the happiest days of my life.
I received so much pure, unconditional love that I feel extremely elevated, and the world bursts out in amazing bright colours.
What happened?
We had a volunteer initiative in Alcatel-Lucent - we brought 70 children from the slums to an amusement/water park.
I was responsible for those two beauties - Monica and Radha:)
So we were chasing around, going on marry-go-rounds, climbing ropes and throwing balls at each other.
Then there was the pool. Splashing water, jumping in it, playing wildly...
I was the first among the adults to get inside. And when one of the guys said that he got inspired by me to jump and play with the kids...it sounded so nice.
I felt a bit sad that I could not answer when "my children" were excitedly pulling me and shouting something in Hindi.
But one thing i knew without having to use any language.
They were happy.
They loved me.
I loved back.
What more do I need to be happy?

India...4 months later

Well, here I am.
A little more than 4 months since my journey began.
It would be an understatement to say "I learned a lot".
Probably I will be able to understand how much I have learned after some time...
I also cannot say that I am able to understand India.This is a country so colourful and diverse, so full of contardictions and contrasts, that you cannot ever say you have figured it out.
My feelings for India are as contrast as that - there are things I love and things I hate, but for sure I feel strong for that country and for its future. I kind of feel it as a second home already:)
What happened in these 4 months...
I went to some places I have never imagined that I will go.
Udaipur, Jaipur, Rishikesh, Nainital, Agra, Kajiraho, McLeaod Ganj...
Done crazy things (like jumping into Ganges)and rafting.
Laughed a lot. Cried a bit.
Partied hard.
Met some amazing people.Made some friends maybe.
Got enchanted by people. Got dissapointed by people.
Made stupid mistakes. Forgave.
Learned a few Hindi words.
Almost got used to spicy food.
Been disturbed. Achieved peace of mind.
Got a few steps closer to happiness.
I have a tentative plan where I want to go. It might be changed overnight.
That's the beauty of it.
Now it is more important to live.
Cause it is, for sure, a pretty exciting life!

Questions of a troubled mind...

Why do people always have a double agenda?
Is it good to let go?
Should we believe in Love?
Not judge people for the means they use to get what they want?
How to live light heartedly?
Why can't you be like the others?
Will you follow your dream?
How long can you go?
What happens after...

Give me a reason to ...

I'm so tired, of playing
Playing with this bow and arrow
Gonna give my heart away
Leave it to the other girls to play
For I've been a temptress too long

Just. .

Give me a reason to love you
Give me a reason to be ee, a woman
I just wanna be a woman

From this time, unchained
We're all looking at a different picture
Thru this new frame of mind
A thousand flowers could bloom
Move over, and give us some room

Give me a reason to love you
Give me a reason to be ee, a woman
I just wanna be a woman

Matched!

It has already been two days and i still cannot believe it! Everybody was telling me how hard it is to find a proper AIESEC traineeship, that it takes so much effort and long months of sending e-mails.
Well, I got matched to the first position I applied. Maybe it is beginners luck :) Maybe it is destiny!
Ta-da-dam!
Alcatel-Lucent in India, here I come.
One year in Corporate communications in one of the most amazing countries in the world.
Working along with a Brazilian guy and a Lithuainian girl as AIESEC trainees in Bangalore and Chennai. Challenging myself. Learning a lot. Living a different culture.
The journey will start in less than two months.
I have always believed that there are roads that have to be followed.This is such a road. It might be difficult, unexpected, uncomfortable, dirty and long. Yet I have already stepped on it and I will walk till the end. Sure it will be an exciting journey!

I was accused of not writing here ;)

Today Boris (oh my dearest beloved Boris that has the habit of interrupting just when I am trying to work) accused me of not updating this blog. So I thought "OK, might be high time I wrote something. I am too busy writing in the Bulgarian blog and twittering indeed ;)
So, wazzup :)
I had a veery serious dilemma if I should change my job - I was unexpectedly headhunted by another media. After two weeks of intense decision making, I decided to stay where I am and...yupee, search for an AIESEC traineeship. Anything connected with Media, PR and Communications is warmly welcomed!
The new collegue came, so I am finally moving to the Careers and Management section of the Paper. God Almighty - what a miracle :)Of course, the new boss already found me some work for the first weeks!
Anyway, before that, I will allow myself a one week vacation, going to Varna and then home. I dunno what a vacation it might be with French studies around the corner, but still, I will be away of the office, that's pretty good!
Then, I am seriously considering to join a course of the London school of PR and on finishing it, I might have found some nice traineeship :)
Looks like it is going to be an interesting autumn!

I am clever. It is proven ;)

Funny that I haven't taken the time to take an IQ test so far.
I decided to do it today, as tomorrow I will be going to an intervew for an International sales position which includes an intelligence test.
So, after two tests (sorry, I was too tired to do more) I scored somewhere between 115 and 122 points which, put into words, must mean that I am above the average intelligence level :)
However, I strongly believe emotional intelligence is also important, so I would also search for some EQ tests. Suggestions anyone?

The 200 post - It seems I am addicted to blogging after all :)

72%How Addicted to Blogging Are You?

Sacramento Singles from Mingle²

August press-clipping ;)

As you might know part of my job is to read newspapers. And look what I found - an article dedicated to me :) In case you feel as self-centred as me or just if you want to see how it feels to be a journalist - click here.
Enjoy and remember - do not manipulate the readers!

The sea, the sea ...

I am ashamed to admit that form my long 25-year long life, I have never been in Burgas, actually, only passed through there.
So, when Maya (or Zayo, as most of us know her) asked - is there anyone who wants to come to Burgas with me - I was the first volunteer :)
So, here it was - my first visit to the Black sea coast this summer.There is such a strange rule - whenever you live near the sea - you almost do not notice it, you take it for granted, when you are away - you miss it...
We took the Friday 4 o'clock bus, and because not all of the road is a highway, reached 6 hours later.
Zayo's parents were, of course awaiting us, her mum, a very nice woman had prepared us a dinner.They made me the impression of very hospitable people and huge fans of sun-bathing - went to the beach at 8 in the morning every day.
Saturday was a fully scheduled day - we woke up, had a nice home-made breakfast and went to the beach in Sarafovo, which seemed to be nicer than the one in Burgas. We stayed only two hours or so, and it was not quite sunny, yet at the end of the day I felt I was a bit sunburnt.


After the beach, I managed to convince Zayo to go to the city centre (she didn't want to, cause all the people were dressed up and they would stare at us as we looked like idiots in our beach-wear. Well, anyay, who cares?!).
We walked on the beach and I had a few of these precious moments when I just stared at the magic waves and the sky, breathing the fresh air and feeling in a completely parallel Universe.
Then we had lunch-o-dinner with Zayo's cousin who seemed a cool guy and gave us very useful instructions on where to drink what.

The evening was committed to drinking sexy-named cocktails (Sex on the beach, Falling bikini, Double orgasm were only a few of the names) with Zayo and Kateto (who was so much sunburnt, that you could easily fry an egg at her leg). Marvelous!
We went to the beach to check how people were preparing to meet JULY MORNING. I expected more people, gathered around huge fires, drinking beer and playing the guitar. We saw mostly drunk teenagers and a few enthusiasts that seemed to carry the hippie spirit in themselves. I felt so grown up and out of space. For the first time I wished I was 15 again (when I was 15 I actually was thinking like a 30 -year old, but that's another story).
The moon was a perfect circle.
Strange, tempting.
Bitter yellow.
We sat for a while, listening to the music from the nearby disco.
Then we just went home.
Sunday was devoted to the beach again...then a quick nap. I awoke as if awaking from a nice dream. I had to be back to reality.

One more bit of the real me stayed on the bus...I read Haruki Marukami's "Sputnik, Sweet Hart" - a very nice book on love friendship and loneliness.
We are all metal pieces circling the earth in their own orbits. Sometimes we meet for a while. Then we part, without promising each other anything.
Some of us come back.
If they have the guts to do so.

Gay bachelor's party - WTF?

Yesterday I was invited to a gay bachelor's party.
I dunno why immediately when I heard the invitation I pictured myself among 20 gays and lesbians and one stupid man-streaper.
It gave me the shivers just to imagine that:)
And I am not homo-fobic.
Let's just say - enough is enough for now with gay friends!

Brian Molko - my taste for androdynous men

Now you see - I am crazy :)

Then and now

Me, one year ago in Varna, just before finishing University and starting my job at Capital.
Excited:)


Me,in Krakow, one year after I started being a journalist.
Disillusioned:(
Learned a lot:)

One of those days...

Today was one of those days...
You know what I am talking about - the days that are all full of little nice surprises and accidental meetings that make you happy:)
Well, going out to the office (as today is a normal working day, as tomorrow will be) I saw on the front door that my first postcrossing card had arrived from Finland:) Yupee!
I walked a bit down the street and just bumped in an old friend I have lost completely track of:) It was great to get her mobile number again (last time I tried to call, some guy picked up and insisted that there is "no such girl here") :)
Then, I had to work a bit...well, I really do not like working on weekends, but my trip to Krakow has to be compensated with an extra workload obviously.
After work I met a friend and we visited the "book fair" in the National palace of culture. I bought five (yes, five ;) ) books - mostly children's books - Karlson, who lives at the roof, one Bulgarian book, Winnie the Pooh's Dao and Pigglet's D and one 'serious' book by Haruki Murakami :)
I decided to visit some friends in Studentski grad and while travelling met one of the sweet salsa instructors. I have never talked to him much, so it was cool to discuss books and stuff. Actually on the bus back I met him once again, which was rather funny :)
I realized that the Placebo concert will take place on the 18th June (not 15th as I first understood), so...if my bus comes back from Poland in the right hour, I might be able to get to the concert! I want it so much...
Then, on coming back home I found another postcard from an unknown girl lying on my table. A beautiful photo of Lisbon (which I want to visit so much).
I love such days - they show me that sometimes things just happen. When you need them to.

Big Google is watching you!

Today I read an article about the Google personalized pages (IGoogle) and I thought how transparent I actually am by being registered at so many places on the web.
Let me see...
I am using Gmail, Google reader, Blogger, Google of course...
Then - 4 (or something like that) more mails.
Another couple of blogs.
Several registrations for different websites (Postcrossing, Hi5, LinkedIn,YouTube, Flickr)
Oh, my! Feels a bit scary when I think that my personality is exposed to such an extent.
I do not even mean the things I write explicitly here. I mean the "secret" connections, the visits to different websites that show some kind of a consumer pattern.
When I first read about people getting more and more transparent with the usage of technology (it was something like 10 years ago, when I didn't even dream about having a PC)I was a bit sceptic...
Now I know that Big Google (and not only)is watching me!

My visual DNA

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Rain

It has been raining for two days now.
It makes me a bit melancholic.
But Sofia is so clean and beautiful after the rain. And I feel so full of hope,beauty and dreams...
I am thinking of my favourite "rain" songs:

Singing in the rain

November rain

Kiss the rain

I'll take the rain

Purple rain

The Rain (a song by the Bulgarian singer Vanya Shtereva)

It's raining (by P.I.F)

My First Postcrossing Card arrived!

Recently I registered at a very cool site, called Postcrossing.
The idea is that you send postcards to random people around the world you do not know.
So, I sent two cards - one to a woman in Finland, and one to a guy in Switzerland.
Today I got the great news that my card has arrived in Switzerland and the following answer:
Helle Svetla.
Thank you for the nice postcard.
The eye is very beautiful. I like it a lot.
I must give you quite. Swiss chocolate is really very good.
If you want, I can send you 2 bars of chocolate.
Write me your address if you want.
Many greetings from Switzerland.
Daniel

I am happy that it reached its destination and waiting for a card to reach me now :)

Russian cartoons :)

To all the people that remember and love the Russian cartoons I would like to dedicate the following song.
I just grew up with Nu Pogodi.
There was no American or western cartoons at this time. So we loved them :)
And I just chose that song, as it always makes me remember my childhood and feel so sweetly melancholic.
Enjoy (even though birthdays come only once a year) :)

Happiness

I am feeling happy at the moment. Well, let's say - the closest to happiness that I have been for the last 2 years. Maybe I am just happy of what I am without blaming myself for anything.
Yes, I admit I have made mistakes.
I still do.
But I do not feel , as before, that my mistakes are among the main reasons for something screwing up.
I am happy with the change that is happening - I feel it is going to bring me more opportunities to express myself and to bring more added value to my work.
Yes, sometimes I really feel depressed when I think of all my friends - they are living in different cultures, living these cross-cultural experiences...and I am just ...staying here.
Well, whatever...

I just wanted to post two pictures of the youngest person I know.
His name is Svetoslav and he was born only 42 days ago.
Life is ahead of him and it is full of opportunities!
For me - as well.
From my humble experience - things always happen for a reason. If I have to pass through a stage - I'll just pass. If I am meant to change - I will change.
Accepting this means a lot less stress for me.

My recent "party" song

First heard it at one OSTAVA after-party and have been in love ever since :)

My "goodnight" song

This is one wonderful LOVE song for saying "Goodnight".
And dreaming that I meet a guy like Robert Downey Jr...aaah
Sweet dreams:)
I just couldn't resist to post the lyrics as well.
Goodnight lovers:)
Goodnight dreamers:)

I want love, but it's impossible
A man like me, so irresponsible
A man like me is dead in places
Other men feel liberated

I can't love, shot full of holes
Don't feel nothing, I just feel cold
Don't feel nothing, just old scars
Toughening up around my heart

But I want love, just a different kind
I want love, won't break me down
Won't brick me up, won't fence me in
I want a love, that don't mean a thing
That's the love I want, I want love

I want love on my own terms
After everything I've ever learned
Me, I carry too much baggage
Oh man I've seen so much traffic

So bring it on, I've been bruised
Don't give me love that's clean and smooth
I'm ready for the rougher stuff
No sweet romance, I've had enough

I have been thinking...

Since I watched "Notes on a scandal" I have been thinking that it is not right to judge people for being cruel.
I think I cannot judge Barbara for being so cruel, since she never understood what it is to be loved.
I cannot judge people around me for being malicious - it is their way to survive, to hide from the others that they are actually as fragile as we all are.
I even cannot judge myself for the contempt I feel towards the person I loved just a few months ago.

"Love is not a competition ...

...but I'm winning"
Keiser Cheifs sing in one of their songs.
Which just reminded me of one favourite "love" songe of mine lately.
It reminds me of love that never happened
Love in Paris
Love on the road
Love in a caravane
Gypsy love
Freedom...
L'amour fou...

Resurrection

I am not what I am...
At least i wasn't for the last two years.
I believe I am being closer to my true self each day.
The recovery is based on some basic rules:
Do not regret about the mistakes you have made.
Do not blame yourself for the mistakes of the others.
It is great to be empathic, but the most important thing is you.
Do the things that make you happy.
Notice things.
Love life.

That's it. Life is simple.
We make it difficult with more words than necessary.

My "angry" song

I really like Placebo and I think I can classify more than one from their songs in the "angry" song category.
Here is "The Bitter end"
I think i love Brian's androginy (that must have sounded reaaaaly crazy:) )
Can't wait for the concert!

Planning and random weekend ideas :P

Well, I admit that I have never been so good in planning.
But some plans (or just random weekend ideas) are starting to form in my mind...
Let's see:

This weekend - I have to clean my room, which will take a bit of time...i guess.Then, I will most probably stay home. Maybe visit Koprivshtica on Sunday.

Next weekend ...hm, 21st is a full-time working day.But I might take it off, as I didn't have time to rest at Easter. There is at least to good reasons to visit Varna this weekend. 1st one - there is a Salsa festival, 2nd (more important) - Mury is coming back from the ship...Lots of things we have to share...

Then, comes the 28-29th weekend. No plan for then...except maybe going to see the guys from Capital playing football. Would be great fun:)

The first of weekend of May is a national holiday again (Gergiovden). Megan suggested going to Rodopi mountains. I would love to...

May is not very well planned, but for June i have quite a plan!

1st june (children's day;P) - INXS concert in Sofia

The week after - visit to Krakow to see Mimka and have some rest from work

18th june - PLACEBO concert. I missed the first one, I am definitely NOT missing that one!

Now, in the meantime I accept all kinds of fresh ideas for spending the little free time I have :)

My songs

I just watched the Bulgarian music TV and an actress was presenting her favourite songs. I decide to do so here...
The first thing that comes to my mind is "my travel song" - The Cardigans - My favourite mistake.
I dunno if it is because of the video, but when I hear the song I really want to get on a car and drive at high speed till I go somewhere...In the middle of nowhere:)
Enjoy the video, I am back to French!
C'est la vie...

Easter

Now, it is high time I said Happy Easter, I guess :)
Apart from all the Eastern -Western traditions that are mixing right now in Bulgaria, I really like Easter.
Maybe I am not so convinced in the existence of the Easter bunny (and I really do not know what is the role of the Easter bunny, frankly)and I didn't take part in the colouring of the Easter eggs this year but...
I LOVE EASTER
Because it is a spring holiday.
It is a feast of resurrection and renewed hope.
It is a time of the year when beauty blossoms all around.
You should not feel sad at this date.
Everything is colourful, everybody -smiling :)
And I am back in my hometown, taking all the incredible atmosphere it has to give me.
From the Christian point of view, Christ's resurrection is even more miraculous than his birth.
It is also a time of spending precious minutes with the family and closest friends. And for self-reflection.
Have I been good enough? Am I doing my best? Is this what I want to do? Am I not envious sometimes? Questions questions questions crossing my mind all the time...
Sometimes I wonder what questions other people ask themselves...Are they the same as mine?Or completely different?

Every time we say goodbye I die a little...

I hate being so emotional.
Every time I loose a friend I die...
And I feel so desperate...
I guess it hurts even more knowing that you cannot do anything about it.

AIESEC and non-AIESEC emotions

In the last few days I was
...excited about AIESEC, as Emo invited me on the official panel of BLDS. It is really an honour to be among Koceto, Krasi, Kalin:)
...happy because of AIESEC, when I saw the people applying for LCP of LC Plovdiv. I remembered the old days back in my home LC Varna.
...sad because of AIESEC,because the way the same elections in Plovdiv were organised and ended
I was also excited for I had to take a major risk at work. I had to decide if I am willing to change my field. I did it and I do not regret.
I would never forgive myself if I had missed the chance.
Better regret for decisions made, then for decisions not made...

le monde fou ( random examples that the world has gon crazy:) )

And I like it indeed :)
A pinch of madness brings spice to the daily routine...
So let's see:

My roomate Radi decided to get a new haircut. It was around 2 a.m..So - she just pretended to be a harirdresser and cut her hair off:) I wouldn't risk:)

***
At work, we have those water dispensing machines.The rule is that at each floor a certain amount of water is consumed weekly, otherwise they do not install a machine.And yesterday I saw one of my collegues to pour water from the machine and then - out of the window!She had to do it, otherwise - no water machine. Yet I still consider this a bit irresponsible:)

***
Yesterday in the morning I just decided that I want to go to Plovdiv. Thanks to the sweet Angel who agreed to host me for a night...I have packed my bag and I am leaving in les than 10 hours. Yupeeee :)

Blogging misfortunes

Blogging is a very nice thing.
BUT...there is one big but, as someone used to say:)
Since Saturday, I cannot open my Bulgarian blog which really drives me crazy. I just send a letter to the support team of wordpress and I am keeping a my fingers crossed that I will get an answer.Soon. I hate not knowing...
Besides these blogging misfortunes there is one good piece of blogging news from me:)
Today, a month or so after the idea was born, I started my Real estate blog on the Capital website.
It will be a great challenge for me, as I believe there isn't a good Bulgarian blog on this topic. I have the ambition to make mine one:)

Thoughts at the end of the week :)

It has been a nice week:)
I had the usual dose of stress at work but I didn't care so much.
There were two Bulgarian holidays - the first of march (Baba Marta) when we all tie up the red&white strings (martenitzi) and make wishes. As far as I know there is a tradition like that in Serbia...Correct me if I am wrong, please.
Also, the 3rd of March is the Bulgarian liberation day.
So, I had the reason to be in a festive mood most of the week (especially the later part of it)...
Another good reason - the OSTAVA concert I went to on Friday eve. I accidentially met Katya - a very crazy girl...and the night ended at around 6.30:)Britpop and after that eating "shkembe chorba" (sorry, no translation to that, but anyway - you have to tast it - it is impossible to be explained) with lots of garlic - luckily I didn't eat that.
Some hours ago I watched The last King of Scotland - a deeply moving picture, telling the story of an African dictator in Uganda, killing more than 300 000 people while ruling the country.
Some things made me happy...
-> I watched Irka's pictures from IPM. I love them!!!
-> I tied martenitsi to almost all of my collegues :)
-> I learned that Adi is going on a traineeship. We'll have a party - yupeee:)
-> I saw one friend with his girl. She had that long blong hair...so sweet
-> I decided to apply for a faci of an AIESEC seminar
-> I learned that, even though at work my direct boss doesn't show much appreciation of my efforts, there are people that consider me valuable and would like to work with me if possible
And some things made me sad...
My Dad has serious heart problems.That scares me so much!
Some of my friends are so far away from me.I have no idea if they are all right, what is happening...
I still do not feel at peace with myself
But still - I am waiting to see what this week has got in store for me!
Have a great, sunny and smiling week everyone :)

On this day ...

Sometimes you have a feeling for things before they happen...
Today I felt quite retrospective.
Remembering IPM in the Netherlands.
Thinking how time has flown for me.
365 days have passed since my first post here - I found that while searching the archives.



A lot has changed.
I feel AIESEC quite distant now.
I am working a completely different job from I had imagined - yet quite challenging and interesting.
I was disillusioned.
I am excited.
I will not be at this IPM , but still I am really excited.
Cause some people I can call friends are running for AI.
Cause my successor has chosen the difficult path of building something from scrach.
Cause Egypt will gather 200 great people at one place and the feeling will be amazing.


Like it was at our MCP "crying" session in the Netherlands.
I remember everyones face. More than 50 people and almost everyone with tears in their eyes.
Grateful tears.
I am so happy to have been there.
And I am quite sure these people have stayed as great as I knew them. I sincerely hope they are all OK, no matter where around the world.
Among friends, who could not be OK :)

I'm not crazy...

In case you need to sing you can get the lyrics here. :)

A favourite song

Once I used to love that Bulgarian band called PIF quite a lot. They wrote meaningful texts and made beautiful music. I guess it was a part of my grunge-romantic period :)
Then, some of the band members left...so the magic was gone.
I still enjoy listening to the music. Brings back so many beautiful memories of concerts and people.
Enjoy...:)

My Valentine's day present

...as I hate all the "marketing" and "artificial" ways people "celebrate" love on the 14th of February
...as I am sick of pink, hearts, sugar and teddy bears
...as noone will giv me a present for this day
...as I am quite doubtful about the existence of love
I decided to make myself this present.
Candles.
Simple.
Beautiful.
Burning.
Like hope and desire.