Dilli comes from heart

It has been almost a year since I left Delhi.
The city I fell in love with, but could not love properly. There was a distance between us.
Not only the physical distance of kilometers, but also a gap of not-belogingness.
Often I wonder if it would be a bit different if I did live in Delhi itself, not in Gurgaon. Or maybe if I was braver to venture beyond the well-trodden touristic parts of the city. Did I need a local guy as a guide? Could I get one without being entangled in a dramtic love-story? Questions remain.
I know I will be back.
In the meantime, I discovered this amazing photo blog - The Delhi Walla - I love it!
Mayank Austen Soofi tells me stories of places undicovered, of stories unheard, of characters unmet.
And of course, one more proof that the Law of Attraction works - I started reading a book, called Burnt Shadows by Kamila Shamzie. (A story of a Japanese girl that survives the nuclear bomb in Nagasaki, moves to Delhi at the time of the Independence and partitition.)
In the book, there is the separation of the Old Delhi (Mughal one) and the New Delhi (the British one).
Old Delhi is Dili, the city of heart. The lost home.
A part of my heart is also longing to come back to this secret, lost, out-of-time part of the city...As if, I had been there another time, in different circumstances.
You know the feeling, don't u?

Isn't it Ironic...

Alanis Morisette has that Lyrics in "Ironic" :
"Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face"

This week I had a proof of that.
I was all in that happy positive blue-sky-no-clouds mood, loving everyone and being generally happy. When I recieved some not-really good news - that I need to give money. A sum I cannot afford at the moment. So suddenly - everything came crushing down, clouds start gathering, i become gloomy and worried etc. It is really amazing how worrying - in most cases - unnecessarily about some things can really change our whole perception of life. It is so human to concentrate on some daily hiccups that we meet on our path...and so stupid really, cause in most of the cases - solution can be found...
Anyways...as I was walking in the centre of Sofia, all looking down and engulfed in my own black thoughs, suddenly a girl stops me at the traffic light.
"Hi Sve", she says.
I look at her - What the...I don't know who she is!
She sees my bewliderment.
"Yeah, we do not know each other", confirms the girl. "But I read your blog and I find it nice".
Do you believe me this very moment made my day?
Like, just when I thought that - whenever u are down - something really nice shows up as if to say "Hey, life is beautiful...don't forget it".
And...it is in general.
I flew paper-lanterns for the first time.
The event that I was organizing went well, people were happy :)Me - even happier. There was so much positive energy around it.
I spoke to Anca and Stef - closest friends and colleagues from India. And for a thousandth time thanked God I did not return there at that time.
And today - we spent some quality time lazying around, cooking, drinking wine and purring in the sun with the girls from work.
It is really a blessing to have such amazing people around me.

Thank you, Father :)

A sunrise, a shooting star, a rainbow and a sunset...
How much beauty can be in just a few hours?
How much love does someone deserve to be given?
How much pain can one cause in a lifetime, unintentionally?
How much strength do you need to forgive?
How much happiness can a heart hold?
Time is relative.
Love is absolute.
Thank you Father, for knowing again what is best for me!

go after her...

I guess sometimes it works.

summer

Summer has come and with it - the need to listen to "light" music that makes my head airy :) I catch muself more and more often just giving into the music and not thinking of anything else at all (which happens very rarely to me. It is so nice...
Something mysrerious is happening - last week wherever I entered, I was chased by the Jai Ho! song from Slumdog Millionaire. Seems even after I let go of India, it is still after me :) (There is something utterly conforting in accepting that something is a part of you beyond a lifetime)
***
Anyways...
I am starting a new job, back in Sofia.Challenging and meaningful :)
Excited about some projects of my own I want to launch.
Lots of books to read, some tentative travel plans. (Would love to check out Serbia, Romania and Istanbul and why not Greece in the nearest future :))
In any case - this summer promises to be at least as exciting as the last two ones ;)
And I will plunge in it!

scary

Sometimes I feel so much Indian it scares me.

the foolstop.

Sitting with a friend at a wonderfully romantic patio cafeteria in the centre of Sofia i got the moral of the story uttered from her mouth.
"It is amazing how many lives are ruined just because some words are not said when they had to be said".
True. We stick to silence when words can mean a ground-shaking change in our lives. When we get the guts to use the words finally, they usually hang in to the air - deprived of their power, lost their charm and empty. Nothing more sad than words uttered not on time.
But then, she also said:
"Whatever could have happened is better to be left behind. Everything else is a melodrama".
And that two sentences made the end of the story. A perfecly round and neat foolstop from which a whole new world is drawn.

ignorance

Ignorance is bliss. The more u know about the world-the more choices you get. The more choices you get-the more doubts you have.
The more places you want to be
the more lives you want to lead
the more people you want to meet
the more "what if"-s.
Yes, ignorance is bliss.
For the ones that are blessed with it.