This is my world online. A place to share my thoughts and feelings...A place for you to get a glimpse in my inner world:)
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Perfume - the story of...
I remember being pretty impressed by the movie "Perfume - the story of a murder". Today I had the chance to create a unique perfume myself by blending various essences. Musk and jasmine. Vanilla and cardamom. Moss and grass. Citrus and flower. Some strong, heavy, earth smells. Some light, airy and fleeting like a summer breeze. Some fresh and crisp like the dew on a spring morning. Others - spicy, fiery. I learned something very interesting - when u are trying lots of perfumes, to get rid of the scent, you need to smell some coffee beans. And then, such an exciting, invigorating and intimate experience. Combined with some chocolate fondue and white wine...and of course good company...it was a pure pleasure for the senses.
It has been almost a year since I left Delhi. The city I fell in love with, but could not love properly. There was a distance between us. Not only the physical distance of kilometers, but also a gap of not-belogingness. Often I wonder if it would be a bit different if I did live in Delhi itself, not in Gurgaon. Or maybe if I was braver to venture beyond the well-trodden touristic parts of the city. Did I need a local guy as a guide? Could I get one without being entangled in a dramtic love-story? Questions remain. I know I will be back. In the meantime, I discovered this amazing photo blog - The Delhi Walla - I love it! Mayank Austen Soofi tells me stories of places undicovered, of stories unheard, of characters unmet. And of course, one more proof that the Law of Attraction works - I started reading a book, called Burnt Shadows by Kamila Shamzie. (A story of a Japanese girl that survives the nuclear bomb in Nagasaki, moves to Delhi at the time of the Independence and partitition.) In the book, there is the separation of the Old Delhi (Mughal one) and the New Delhi (the British one). Old Delhi is Dili, the city of heart. The lost home. A part of my heart is also longing to come back to this secret, lost, out-of-time part of the city...As if, I had been there another time, in different circumstances. You know the feeling, don't u?
something strange is going on... I feel high on love with no particular reason :)or maybe there is one. A blissful afternoon on the balcony Warm autumn sun Tea and a chat with a friend And some good music...
sitting in the park today with a book, trying to catch the last bits of sun listening to Summertime thinking how fast the summer went as always yet not regretting it is gone!just enjoying the aftertaste of it. the warmth of the light on my face and the love in Ella's voice the smooth narration of the book and the people passing by then, something happened as if time and space expanded and the world shrank into me and i could feel it contained within myself Is this God? I dunno...But it felt so right and natural :) And yes...God bless talented people that inspire me lately. Macy Gray for example...her cover of Creep just gives me the shivers!It is so beautiful. Sad, but the kind of aesthetical sadness.
Alanis Morisette has that Lyrics in "Ironic" : "Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you When you think everything's okay and everything's going right And life has a funny way of helping you out when You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up In your face"
This week I had a proof of that. I was all in that happy positive blue-sky-no-clouds mood, loving everyone and being generally happy. When I recieved some not-really good news - that I need to give money. A sum I cannot afford at the moment. So suddenly - everything came crushing down, clouds start gathering, i become gloomy and worried etc. It is really amazing how worrying - in most cases - unnecessarily about some things can really change our whole perception of life. It is so human to concentrate on some daily hiccups that we meet on our path...and so stupid really, cause in most of the cases - solution can be found... Anyways...as I was walking in the centre of Sofia, all looking down and engulfed in my own black thoughs, suddenly a girl stops me at the traffic light. "Hi Sve", she says. I look at her - What the...I don't know who she is! She sees my bewliderment. "Yeah, we do not know each other", confirms the girl. "But I read your blog and I find it nice". Do you believe me this very moment made my day? Like, just when I thought that - whenever u are down - something really nice shows up as if to say "Hey, life is beautiful...don't forget it". And...it is in general. I flew paper-lanterns for the first time. The event that I was organizing went well, people were happy :)Me - even happier. There was so much positive energy around it. I spoke to Anca and Stef - closest friends and colleagues from India. And for a thousandth time thanked God I did not return there at that time. And today - we spent some quality time lazying around, cooking, drinking wine and purring in the sun with the girls from work. It is really a blessing to have such amazing people around me.
I love the unpredictability of life. It is just so amazing! In the past week so many wonderful things have happened to me out of the blue... going to the seaside having a very strange chat/video conversation charged with loads of smiles and love lying on the grass in front of school, watching the sun set behind vitosha being invited to some magic lantern evening and to lazy sauna saturday and to a walk in the park with a magical couple :) And the big event on Friday looks good...
I am all vibrating with excitement, love and gratitude... and can't stop myself from smiling :)
I am so excited about my job as I have not been since my days in AIESEC! We are doing a fair with service organizations that are going to present their work in front of our kids. There is so much creative energy and love that buzz around that it is bound to be a success! And I can feel the people smiling on the other side of the phone while talking to them. The snowball of goodwill keeps rolling and rolling and gets bigger and bigger :) Hope we can make a difference to some lives!
A sunrise, a shooting star, a rainbow and a sunset... How much beauty can be in just a few hours? How much love does someone deserve to be given? How much pain can one cause in a lifetime, unintentionally? How much strength do you need to forgive? How much happiness can a heart hold? Time is relative. Love is absolute. Thank you Father, for knowing again what is best for me!
Sometimes a single line written by someone close can make you happier than thousand words.The simplicity and sincerity of it makes me love him so much! Sometimes...you just need to make some space. Clean and rearange the closet. To let new experiences in.
I made it out of the darkness again. I carefully wrapped the memories and images and put them in a drawer to be used later on for my supposed-to-be-written book. You need to distance yourself from personages and places you are writing about.
Now there is only light and happiness. Happiness is here and now. The past had to happen that way, not any other. The future - it will come in the best way possible. But the precious gem to hold in my hand is NOW. To be healthy and young, free,inspired and loving. Thank you for all those amazing gifts!
Every day i travel in the metro to go and come back from work.I enjoy observing people there.It's a whole new world... Here is a picture from a photo-session a friend of mine made for an art-project.
Summer has come and with it - the need to listen to "light" music that makes my head airy :) I catch muself more and more often just giving into the music and not thinking of anything else at all (which happens very rarely to me. It is so nice... Something mysrerious is happening - last week wherever I entered, I was chased by the Jai Ho! song from Slumdog Millionaire. Seems even after I let go of India, it is still after me :) (There is something utterly conforting in accepting that something is a part of you beyond a lifetime) *** Anyways... I am starting a new job, back in Sofia.Challenging and meaningful :) Excited about some projects of my own I want to launch. Lots of books to read, some tentative travel plans. (Would love to check out Serbia, Romania and Istanbul and why not Greece in the nearest future :)) In any case - this summer promises to be at least as exciting as the last two ones ;) And I will plunge in it!
"...she wanted words with the heft of stainless steel, sounds that have been boiled clean, like a surgeon's instruments, tools with nothing attached except meaning that could be looked up in a dictionary - empty of pain and memory and inwardness"
/ from The Hungry Tide by Amitav Ghosh /
When I was at school they used to tell us that Romantic poets were characterized by constant lack of satisfaction. Always searching, asking, craving. The battle has always been more important than the victory. The road- always more pleasurable than the destination. Is there satisfaction for a soul that wants to live a thousand lives? To be at thousand places at a time? To experience thousand loves, pains, triumphs, disappointments? Is it a sin to want it all? And if so - what is the punishment?
men are smiles. nothing less, nothing more. a huge, Prabaker grin (now, do not ask me who Prabaker is!) a purring tom-cat's smile the funny-sad clown-face with the sun-shining eyes of someone i have seen only twice (and once in a dream, but it doesn't count)
stop chasing dreams, will ya? start chasing men, not smiles!
...as Dexter would say :) I was totally freaked out two days back when a doctor told me that I might "have to undergo surgery". Thank God,it was a false alarm...:) Yes, I am healthy and I will not let any doctor claim the opposite! These people feel as if obliged to tell ya there is something wrong with your health. As if, you will feel bad, if they don't find anything wrong... Also, I might be reaching the end of my so-very-long-visa-waiting process. Hope it happens soon and I manage to go back to India in 10days :) Yupee! I have been incredibly calm end relaxed these days. Maybe it is the spring :) And...another proof was given of the "Law of attraction". Twin-souls always "feel" each other, no matter where they are. As a body everyone is single, as a soul never.
spring is coming and inspiration tags along... here is a coolage I made today
a leather bound journal a nice light and healthy breakfast funny patchwork rabbit-like doll colourful cushions warm, Maroccan style interior and this fragile-looking NY girl,that is cuddling in her coat against the last winter-chills of March
I am going to the sea after a long time. I saw it last in December 2007. Yes, I saw the ocean in October last year...but it is not the same. It was not my sea...tamed by the memories of so many hours, spent with precious people. I didn't have the time to tame the ocean. I just took the memory of the deserted beach. Of people, I had got to know a day before, but my inner self felt like I have always known them. Of those rare moments of bliss when you are not thinking, just being. Nevermind... The sea. I am looking forward to seeing it. Smelling it. Feeling the cold wind blow through me (I have never been on very friendly terms with this wind). Breathing life. It will be a long-craved home-coming.
home alone. time to spoil myself with some nice things like... hot, coffee flavoured bath listening loud to Buena Vista Social Club on the gramophone a glass of white wine two-three spoonfulls of Nutella and the latest translated in Bulgarian novel by Michael Cunningham - "Flesh and Blood"
inspiring day(I think I told u, there is something in the date of 23rd) :) slumdog millionaire, controversial as it is, won 8 oscars an indian friend invited me to a wedding i am so happy for her and excited to think this is a good reason to buy a new saree, and learn to put it finally :) i might be getting my visa and flying to delhi in a week i had an amazing talk with the most unexpected person on the essence of happiness and how to find it in life outside work and how doing the things we love attracts the right people in our lives i had a lovely chat with a treasured friend. totally random, yet free and cheerful after a long time of some tension hanging in the air. ideas forming in my head. plans for trips buzzing. i think i need to get down to execution :)
I woke up today to see the snow cover everything. Under the white cover, the world is a bit more beautiful and calm. More divine. Looking at the snow fall makes me feel God. Every little, perfect snowflake is a material evidence of His presence. I wonder what it is to live in a place where it never snows. A bit sad...maybe. Thinking that some of my friends have never seen snow and people here are complaining that "the snow is awful cause it causes traffic jams". And I am just dreaming of making a snowman and walking with someone down a long white path...the only noise being the sound of our boots in the snow. Snow goes well with the music of Mercan Dede, by the way
when S. said that once back home, people will want to meet me, as I will bring them some light and love I did not believe. she was actually right. i watched a lovely Bulgarian movie today...the first positive Bulgarian movie I have seen in years it made me feel happy that I am born at the Balkans, on this crossroad where people are complicated, troubled, but still...fighting through life in a beautiful way. i am thinking... happiness is loving life with all its bad and grey days ups and downs smiles and tears fighting every day, every hour searching for answers believing that people are good forgiving living simple
happy V-day everyone...wish more people would celebrate love not only on 14th Feb, but also on the other 364 days of the year :)
Thanks to Megan, I have started reading the "Law of attraction". I have never liked self-help type of books, yet this one is something quite different. If I cut the self-help part, the book actually helps you understand one of the laws of the Universe: Whatever your inner being desires, sooner or later comes into your existence. That is why, I guess, people say "Careful what you wish for". If you do not understand the power of wishing, or you are not sure what you wish for...things happen to you and you continue wondering "why they happen like this". It turns out that we need to teach our souls to wish, and thus create our realities. Sometimes, this is hard, as circumstances or people delude us into believing that we want something which actually we do not. Or, not being quite clear on what we wish for, we turn out to get something that is not quite what we wanted. Certain recent happenings in my life have convinced me of the exsistence of the Law of attraction - both in small, daily things, as well as in bigger events. Now I need to improve my wishing "skills"...and learn to be patient and trust. That's the hardest part.
- I do not want to stay in India. I can't. I am not really free there. How can I be happy if I cannot be myself... - Then...why do you want to come back? - To search for beauty, inspiration,love, wisdom...To learn.
Sometimes the paths we need to go are longer. But they always lead us to where we should go.
Just finished watching Deepa Mehta's "Fire". True, painful and beautiful movie. There is one line that Radha says when parting with her husband... There is no life without desire.
To what extent should we control our desires, if burying them means trying to lie to ourselves? Is it better to live with a heavy heart or with a broken heart? What is more important - desire or devotion? Is desire justified by love?
I want to believe I have my answers to some of these questions...
I have always had the habit of stricking conversations with strangers.In trains and buses, on the street or in cafes. I don't know why it happens, maybe there is something in me that makes people feel comfortable with having a random talk. And I find these random conversations really charming...Maybe because, when meeting people by chance, knowing that you might probably not meet them again, makes both you and them more honest. And the conversations are more real. Talking with strangers is a wonderful way to get a glimpse of their world, of different aspects of life itself... And it is so exciting to share the positive emotion of a good-hearted chat. One of the small, daily pleasures of life I love:)
Back to Sofia. walking the same streets that bring so many memories. breathing the air that seems fresh and clean. sipping a large cappucino in my favourite Onda opposite the Russian church. recieving unexpected calls. meeting unexpected people. spending time with close friends. smiling. a lot. the look at people's faces when they first see me. having my schedule full with meeting people. drinking wine and eating cheese. making tentative plans for concerts, parties, trips. nothing has changed much in Sofia. it is grey, dirty...a little sad. nothing has changed... except me.
Moving in the black and yellow Ambassador around the evening streets of Delhi. Saying 'goodbye' for a while...God knows how long the while will be. I will miss the place. Although it is dirty and crowded with human bodies. With sorrows and struggles. I have started loving it. One year in India has gone by so quickly, yet it is so full of intense experiences that, when I turn back, I cannot see anything negative. I see faces of people that have grown dear to my heart and that I will always remember and mention in my silent prayers, even if I never see them again. I see lots of love given and recieved.Lots of valuable lessons learned... Maybe this is the reason that I have the sun smiling in my eyes lately...
If you want to be happy take some time every day to count your blessings.
So today I had so many reasons to feel blessed. A surprise call from a close friend made me smile for a good 3 minutes while on the phone. It is amazing what significant role cheese and olives play in our lives :) I had lunch with the team. How didn't I realize before how delicious Indian food is...daal, Kashmiri rice, aloo gobi, tandoori aloo and rotis. It was amazing to have this food. With these 4 people.
It was about love and being thankful for what I am and what I have. And about prayer.
I pray that the people I love are healthy, safe and at least as blessed as I am! And in case u do not believe in prayers, I can assure you - prayers DO work! Once an Angel told me that :)
and she was there under the stars... untamed free happy she danced wildly looked at the stars spoke a bit with some people thought about the men she loves and she tried to escape the sticky stares and fake compliments she thought how much u look like your mother and wished you could be there but she will let things happen and trust life. and continue re-tuning the vibration to get the right frequency.
it is just the moment before you jump when you are scared from the water yet welcoming, expecting its cold embrace you want to feel its powerful fingers grip your limbs and the tender touch of a warm current caress your skin it's the first time the comeback the plunge from one world to the other the clash of civilizations the life before that never equals the life after places change people change you change life is change it is just the moment before you jump the essence of existence on the tip of a moment exciting exhilirating pulsating everything poised on the line of balance your whole being is expecting the jump but you are not in a hurry you are here now vibrating with the heartbeat of the Universe with a heart full of sun rays and hope shining in the curls of your hair you know that you are not the best swimmer but you trust the water and you love the water it will never let you down.
She exists in two parallel words... The world "here and now", the what people call "material world" is just a temporary stop. With little bridges to the real world beyond, the world of the eternal soul. A Saturday afternoon in the misty Lodi gardens, around tombs with smeared outlines and mosques that someone has woven poetry into. Meaningful solitude. Cosmic music. Sensual pleasures that pull u out of the mundane and place u in the whirlpool of very personal, yet very universal emotions. The feeling of closeness beyond physical presence. She is sometimes so bored by the "here and now"... Thank God for the real world!
My eyes are full of blue skies tired smiles beautiful words colourful people intriguing book covers My head is full of questions plans for the near future doubts memories of precious moments from the last year thoughts about love and loved ones quotes from "Shantaram" My heart is full of hope desire hunger to live forgiveness love sorrow happiness. If I have to judge the year from the first day of it, 2009 is going to be an interesting one...
I would like to thank God for this year, cause it has been, truly, one of the most amazing years of my life. I saw and experienced so much beauty in every form of it - in places, in people, in music, in colours,in tastes, in aromas, in moments. I discovered that I am capable of loving again. And suffering the pain of love. I learned lessons about the world, about life, about love and myself. I was up and down, I laughed loud and cried so hard as if my soul was torn apart. I made stupid, painful mistakes. I forgave people, and loved them, despite circumstances. I hoped and I prayed. I may be got a step closer to the Divine self... Thank you, God, for bringing all this my way. In the new year, I wish for good health for me and my closest people. I wish to find the stregth in me to be a better person. I wish to find the inspiration to create beauty around me and inspire smiles on people's faces. I wish to always find a good word to say to warm a heart. I wish to find the love for life and for people and the excitement of meeting every new day with a smile and new hope:) Happy New Year to everyone!
i am trying not to think about u. but I imagine u sitting somewhere where it is snowing outside carefully avoiding any thought about me. clinging to your real life. i a doing the same...
we people get so clumsy when we break something...don't u agree...
I understand. I do not blame. I love too much to blame. Love is my blessing and my curse. most of all...I want to mend this. I want to make the most of it...as much as the socially acceptable terms would allow. As much as u let me. Do not be scared. I will not be a storm. Not in your life. But do not ask me to be a breeze as well...
closing my eyes... my hips move with this rhythm the music vibrates in me in my body in my soul i am a belly dancer my eyes burn your skin and my moves leave bruises to your heart
silently...noisily...quickly...in slow motion...in the dark...in broad daylight...on the floor...in the shower...under the stars...on the hot sand...on the dewy morning grass...late at night...instead of lunch...with our fingers...without our bodies...with the lips...tracing patterns...with our souls...beautifully...passionately...in our dreams...between two snacks...without words...with eyes closed...with our hearts open we become one. here.now. everything else is irrelevant.
Woke at around 4 in the morning. I could hear my soul wailing somewhere far. Metaphorically. In fact it was only the street dogs. Suddenly I felt at peace and happy. Woke up and decided not to wait for the others but head for Delhi straight away. Dressed. My Bulgarian tee, the favourite green and white duparta,the hat that is not exactly mine. And the black coiled earring. Just one. As a statement... Went to Landmark and bought a thing i love for a person I love. I love giving presents :) Got on the bus to medical. Listening to Ostava. Started reading "Shantaram" and loved the style. Peeped into the book of the girl sitting next to me. Maths. I had to meet Ricardo and Pauline at Dilli Haat. Was wondering where to go, then the idea just sprang up in my mind. Of course we should go to Dilli Haat. Waiting for them in the sunlight, jotting some names in my gift-list for home...trying not to forget someone and visualizing the meeting with these people. Then, Ricardo and Pauline came, we strolled around Dilli Haat. Devouring the variety of colours and shapes. Scarves, wood, fabrics, leather, kites,jewelery, paper...a see of beautiful items that have caught the spirit of India. I thought of how much I will miss India when I go... We had lunch at one of the restaurants. Huge portions we couldn't finish though I shared mine with a very fat cat and a skinny dog. Remembered how Neeraj told me how he loves the place.*Inner smile:) Remembered how I went there first with Andre and was fascinated. *Inner smile :)We moved to Sarojini market...the familiar crowd and mess, and the memories of waiting for Julie to do her last minute shopping. Pauline bargained furiously for a pair of earrings.We saw a belly-dancer costume. Remembered Pondy trip and the hilarious "dancing night" at the hotel. I really need to learn Indian dances, I made a point to myself. Then, we headed to CP...said goodbye to the guys. Knowing I will meet them someday...somehow:) Walked on the road where we walked together last Sunday. Remembered how beautifully confused and excited u were...Indulged in the pain of the memory. Thought about what Vesi said..."let yourself be sad". Strolled around, listening to Niyaz, thinking of the time we will spend with Vladi when I am back. Simply being happy of where I am. Got into a Coffee Day, ordered a latte and opened Shantaram again. Observed people around as I love doing...Saw that the B8ulgarian lady - Mariana had called me. She happened to be in CP as well...so can we meet for coffee? Thought how much I love accidential meetings. They just make my day :) Mariana was with her husband - the Austrian diplomat and the two kids - a 9-year old girl and 12-year old boy. Pleasant surprise that they greeted me in Bulgarian:) Then - the excitement of speaking my mother tongue to someone I meet for the first time, but I know I connect to. Conversations about life and love and India and Delhi. Where will I live next? Cairo? Istanbul? Funny I never thought of Istanbul in this way :) Sharing pleasant moments and a sinful chocolate cake with this amazing family that has lived here and there... I had to go back to Gurgaon...so I got into an autorick...The driver was nice. Tried to explain me where the cabs stop in Hindi. I believe I should learn a bit of Hindi. As a part of my endeavour of digging deeper into the great Indian soul:) Would be nice to talk to people just like that... Then, I was quite anxious if I will manage to catch the right bus but luckily it came very quickly :) Sat down and had a random (but pleasant) conversation with an Indian boy. I like conversations with strangers in buses and trains :) Just a perfect day...and the happiness of the moments is still lingering in me...
I cannot cook. I used to bake cakes and cookies when I was at school. Loved it:) But somehow priorities changed, time became less, I moved out of home. And never got into cooking... However, India sort of sparkled my interest in the art of cooking. Many reasons I guess. First being that Indians are such foodies. You can hardly resist getting into cooking when everyone around adores food and knows how to cook! Besides, I am kind of tired eating in the same food-court every single day. A diet of chinese noodles-rice-mcDonalds-subway is not the best one can have. I am experimenting now. It is rather amusing...I just love mixing spices, putting unexpected ingredients into the dish. Raisins. Honey. Pomegranade. I guess in the beginning I will need a lot of guideance...But when I get better I will definitely put cookbooks aside. Who needs them anyways? It's an art. And all you need is inspiration, love and someone to share the end result with :)
sometimes at night when sleep is avoiding me i start thinking where you are if you are alone in bed at a party talking loving eating sometimes i want to sit down and write but i force my heart to sleep then i am at peace i often wonder r u what i think u are or u are not real and when is it going to end this time and when is a good time to put it into words is there a good time at all goodnight now i hope u sleep well
Ok...this is what happened to me in the last week... On Saturday I was a model, ramp-walking in front of all Alcatel-Lucent in NCR employees and their families (around 2500 ppl). Being groomed, dressed up etc etc. It was so much fun!:) I had late conversations with what i believe is a God-sent ambassador. He saved me from ruining the happiness of someone that means a lot to me.Made me realize once again how hard it is to really love. And how far I can go for love... Emo, my ex-team mate from the Bulgarian MC called in and we met and chatted for this and that. People we know and their lives around the world. Our own amazing lives...Feels good to meet someone that u have shared so much with in the past :) I had a wild Friday night out with some colleagues. Almost went to extremes...I needed that! Today I met Alcatel-Lucent global CEO - Ben Vervyaawen. Very energetic and charismatic man! Had breakfast with his wife who is so nice :)No star-attitude, very pleasant to talk to... I also made a decision to move to Delhi. Try to shift my social circle a bit. A friend of a friend from Bulgaria called. She is gonna live in Delhi for the next 4 years. And she seems quite a nice person. So exciting I am going to have someone that speaks my language here :) All in all...pretty amazing :) Now what is left - to get peace of mind...seems to hard at the current state of affairs. I am more and more learning how to use mind control over feelings...Let's see how long I will manage...
I do not believe in happiness as a constanta... Happiness is a fleeting sensation. You need a great skill to make it a state of mind. Every day when I stop to think I realize how blessed I am to have what I have. I realize that I have been to places for which people only dream about. I am hanging aroud with a vibrant young crowd of amazing people from across the world. Maybe I am a bit careless - not worrying too much about the future, not hurrying up the career ladder, not searching for the one to build a family with...not even sure what I want to do for a living. Yet someone said - it is not important how you will feel in future, but how u feel now. Live for the moment! The picture above is from the Indian ocean coast. Spent 3 days there with a bunch of very cool people.Some of them I might not meet again. But the happiness that I felt will linger on :) When I turn back and explore these 9 last months in India...I see a string of such beads of happiness...And a circle of people, spread around the world that I know will always treasure and share this beads of happiness with me. Thank you for being a part of my life!
This is officially our new favourite song. Anca's and mine that is... Enjoy :)
How I wish you could see the potential The potential of you and me It's like a book elegantly bound But in a language you can't read just yet
You got to spend some time, love You got to spend some time with me And I know that you'll find love I will possess your heart
You got to spend some time, love You got to spend some time with me And I know that you'll find love I will possess your heart
There are days when outside your window I see my reflection as I slowly pass And I long for this mirrored perspective When we'll be lovers, lovers at last
You got to spend some time, love You got to spend some time with me And I know that you'll find love I will possess your heart
You got to spend some time, love You got to spend some time with me And I know that you'll find love I will possess your heart
I will possess your heart I will possess your heart
You reject my advances and desperate pleas I won't let you let me down so easily So easily
You got to spend some time, love You got to spend some time with me And I know that you'll find love I will possess your heart
You got to spend some time, love You got to spend some time with me And I know that you'll find love I will possess your heart
You got to spend some time, love You got to spend some time with me And I know that you'll find love I will possess your heart
I will possess your heart I will possess your heart
the succulent red drops the taste...not very sweet, but so fresh i somehow think pomegranate would be as good ingredient for cooking as it is for love any good recipe anyone?
Well...it seems I have been in India forever... Funny how a life changes from year to year. One year back at this time I was headhunted. Two years back I was just starting on my first "serious" job Three years back I had just come back from IC in India (fate maybe...) Next year - who knows... Now is the time for decisions. I hope my intuition leads me in the right direction again. and as Alanis Morisette used to say in one song "Thank you India" :) Our journey has not yet finished, yet I know that it is one of the most amazing journeys in my life so far!
I have been writing a lot about love in this blog lately... I just don't understand why people take it so literally when u talk about love. It spreads so much further than being in a relationship. Maybe the word has lost its meaning of so frequent usage...Every moment millions say "I love you" without even meaning it.But what does "Love" mean anyways?I do not know. Or rather...I only know one of its faces. Here is a song for you:
Will those feet in modern times Walk on soles that are made in China? Feel the bright prosaic malls In the corridors that go on and on and on
Are we blind - can we see? We are one - incomplete Are we blind - In the shade Waiting for lightning - to be saved Cause love is noise and love is pain Love is these blues that I’m singing again Love is noise and love is pain Love is these blues that I’m singing again, again, again
Will those feet in modern times Understand this world’s affliction Recognise the righteous anger Understand this world’s addiction
I was blind - couldn’t see What was here in me I was blind - insecure I felt like the road was way too long, yeah Cause love is noise and love is pain Love is these blues that I’m feeling again Love is noise and love is pain Love is these blues that I’m feeling again Love is noise, love is pain Love is these blues that I’m singing again Love is noise, love is pain Love is these blues that I’m singing again, again, again, again, again, again
Cause love is noise, love is pain Love is these blues that I’m feeling again Love is noise, love is pain Love is these blues that I’m feeling again Love is noise, love is pain Love is these blues that I’m feeling again Love is noise, love is pain Love is these blues that I’m feeling again Come on, come on, ah come on, ah come on Now come on, now come on, now come on Now come on
Will those feet in modern times Walk on soles made in China? Will those feet in modern times See the bright prosaic malls? Will those feet in modern times Forgive me all my sins Love is noise Come on
The colourful kites in the fading Jodhpur sky. Freedom re-defined. Marble as thin and subtle as a whisper. Simple daal and rice eaten with fingers and thus so delicious. Blissful mornings with coffee and meaningless conversations with meaningful people. The colours of Rajastan. Melancholy of fading splendour. Being tired from too much beauty. These people. Their smiles, their gestures,their words. true moments of fleeting happiness I just managed to catch :)
it has been raining restlessly for the past almost 20 hours it's like livin in an underwater world the only thing that i am thinking of the whole day is a nice, cosy place a cup of thick hot chocolate and long easy-going conversation about life with someone i have just discovered tomorrow we are all going to this amazing Mocha place - i fell in love even before i have stepped in the whole melancholic mood of this week that went down the drain like a dream makes me think of an ella fitzdjerald song that boris had given me.
Everytime we say goodbye, I die a little, Everytime we say goodbye, I wonder why a little, Why the Gods above me, who must be in the know. Think so little of me, they allow you to go. When you're near, there's such an air of spring about it, I can hear a lark somewhere, begin to sing about it, There's no love song finer, but how strange the change from major to minor, Everytime we say goodbye.
When you're near, there's such an air of spring about it, I can hear a lark somewhere, begin to sing about it, There's no love song finer, but how strange the change from major to minor, Everytime we say goodbye
On a Saturday morning, a list of 45 things that really make u happy...
1. Falling in love. 2. Laughing so hard your face hurts. 3. A hot shower. 4. No lines at the supermarket. 5. A special glance. 6. Getting mail. 7. Taking a drive on a pretty road. 8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio. 9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside. 10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer. 11. Chocolate milkshake (vanilla or strawberry). 12. A bubble bath. 13. Giggling. 14. A good conversation. 15 The beach 16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter. 17. Laughing at yourself. 18. Looking into their eyes and knowing they LOVE you 19 Midnight phone calls that last for hours. 20. Running through sprinklers. 21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all. 22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful. 23. Laughing at an inside joke with FRIENDS 25. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you. 26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep. 27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner). 28. Makiig new friends or spending time with old ones. 30. Having someone play with your hair. 31. Sweet dreams. 32. Hot chocolate. 33. Road trip with friends. 34. Swinging on swings. 35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger. 36. Making chocolate chip cookies. 37. Having your friends send you homemade cookies. 38. Holding hands with someone you care about. 39. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change. 40. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you. 41. Watching the sunrise. 42. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day. 43. Knowing that somebody misses you. 44. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply. 45. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.
India is a country where you can rarely get privacy. With so many people around you are always bound to have someone intruding your personal space (even if the person might not be doing it deliberately). In our place u-59 as we live like a big family - there is constantly someone in our room... That makes me treasure my moments of solitude even more. I am a very social person, but I need this time spent in my own world. To think, dream or create characters and plots in my mind. There is something playfully childish to be able to isolate yourself from the outside world and just observe. Today I got the chance to do it -I was listening to my music and describing my India experience, while observing the two friends of mine chatting.There were two different worlds... Sometimes I really feel sorry for those, whose inner world is deserted or full of too many elements of reality and dqily prose. Must be very sad and boring sometimes...
A lot of friends are leaving these days. Closer friends, or just people that I like. People that have become a part of my life in a way. Torill...Nata...Isabel... soon Neeraj...Francois...Henk...Julie...Peter...Burcu...Jenny... Our "home" in Gurgaon is constantly changing, and I am trying to keep a stiff upper lip, cause if I start to cry about everyone who is leaving, the monsoon will look like a drizzle. So many people leaving made me think about all my friends I have around the world. And brings back so many sweet memories, but also raises the question... Will I be able to spend quality time with these people again? How much have we changed? Will I be able to call them friends? It will never be the same again... But why does it have to be the same? You tought me one important lesson - live for the moment and cherish every single second you have spent with the people you love. Now this lesson is back to remind me I should learn to let go. Neeraj said something really beautiful:"I want to be happy and to be sad, to enjoy every minute of the happiness and sadness, cause only then I will know I have lived" We meet people for a reason...maybe this is the answer to a long-posted question.
I am falling in love...almost every day... With peoples' smiles. I love the smile of the Barista boy in the morning - makes the coffee taste even better:) I love latin smiles - so big and full of happiness...as if life is...just a game:) I love children smiles. I love ordinary people, everyday smiles. I love smiling eyes. I love big grins and tiny, shy smiles. And if you SMILE while reading this post, I will be more than happy :) Seems happiness is not so hard to get...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE . a youth she's content to leave behind.... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .. a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age.... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE... one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE... eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal, that will make her guests feel honored... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE... a feeling of control over her destiny... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... how to fall in love without losing herself.. EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without; ruining the friendship... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents.. EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... that her childhood may not have been perfect...but it's over... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... what she would and wouldn't do for love or more... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. . whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... where to go... be it to her best friend's kitchen table.. or a charming Inn in the woods... when her soul needs soothing... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. What she can and can't accomplish in a day... a month...and a year...
Our last trip was to McLeaod Ganj, the birthplace of Dalai Lama. We went to a strange charity concert for Tibetian olymics. The lead singer (he was something between Santa and a rock-dinosaour) told us the following. Some years ago, he met Dalai Lama for the first time and started compalining that things are not going well, it is hard to try and change things in the american societiy and so on... Then the Dalai Lama said: You find it hard to go ahead, as you are doing good deeds.That is why u meet so many obstacles. If you were doing bad deeds, it would have been much easier.
However you should not give up doing good. Cause...what goes around, comes around.
Today was one of the happiest days of my life. I received so much pure, unconditional love that I feel extremely elevated, and the world bursts out in amazing bright colours. What happened? We had a volunteer initiative in Alcatel-Lucent - we brought 70 children from the slums to an amusement/water park. I was responsible for those two beauties - Monica and Radha:) So we were chasing around, going on marry-go-rounds, climbing ropes and throwing balls at each other. Then there was the pool. Splashing water, jumping in it, playing wildly... I was the first among the adults to get inside. And when one of the guys said that he got inspired by me to jump and play with the kids...it sounded so nice. I felt a bit sad that I could not answer when "my children" were excitedly pulling me and shouting something in Hindi. But one thing i knew without having to use any language. They were happy. They loved me. I loved back. What more do I need to be happy?
Well, here I am. A little more than 4 months since my journey began. It would be an understatement to say "I learned a lot". Probably I will be able to understand how much I have learned after some time... I also cannot say that I am able to understand India.This is a country so colourful and diverse, so full of contardictions and contrasts, that you cannot ever say you have figured it out. My feelings for India are as contrast as that - there are things I love and things I hate, but for sure I feel strong for that country and for its future. I kind of feel it as a second home already:) What happened in these 4 months... I went to some places I have never imagined that I will go. Udaipur, Jaipur, Rishikesh, Nainital, Agra, Kajiraho, McLeaod Ganj... Done crazy things (like jumping into Ganges)and rafting. Laughed a lot. Cried a bit. Partied hard. Met some amazing people.Made some friends maybe. Got enchanted by people. Got dissapointed by people. Made stupid mistakes. Forgave. Learned a few Hindi words. Almost got used to spicy food. Been disturbed. Achieved peace of mind. Got a few steps closer to happiness. I have a tentative plan where I want to go. It might be changed overnight. That's the beauty of it. Now it is more important to live. Cause it is, for sure, a pretty exciting life!
In India I have met another fairy. She is subtle, tender, almost transperent. Just as I would imagine a fairy to be. Today she made me a miraculous massage. Just like that, without asking for anything, saying it is a pleasure for her. I have never been a physical person (mening that I have always considered myself body-less and more spiritual, but the massage made me think of a communication on a different level. What if your hands can speak? What if they are your universal language to getting to know someone? Could you understand people just by touching them? I felt in another dimention. It had nothing to do with the physical touch,it was the tenderness of a fairy tale. Merci beaucoup, ma cherie :)
One thing I really hate about Indian TV channels is that commercials are so much and so annoying you can never watch a movie properly without being interrupted. However, lately I just love that Vodafone commercial. Cute doggie, ain't it, yar ;)
...simple things. Long conversations over a huge cup of Mocca with a German girl that I didn't know a month ago (Thanks Kat:)) Hearty laughs over the stories of a Spanish guy I just met. Driving back home on a bike. Writing an e-mail to my friends on the balcony, with the wind blowing. My new set of bangles. The challenges at work. Having spent 1500 Rs on books (Lonely planet guide on India and Love in the time of cholera). The anticipation of reading Khaled Houseini's "A thousand splendid suns". Not knowing what will happen to me in one year and still being sure I have so many oportunities. Having seen Jodha Akbar- a naive 3-hour long love story, I didn't understand any conversation in, as it was all in Hindi. Learning something new every day. It is so simple and beautiful. Then...why do we go and make it complicated.
You wouldn't expect me to write for such things while in India, would you ;) Well...truth is that I needed to buy some things, as I didn't take too many clothes from home. And you have to somehow fit into the local style, right:) The "mall street" is rather close to my place, so I took a cycle-rikshaw and was there in 10 minutes. I was just buying some Hindi-phrasebook in a large bookstore, when I saw two of the AIESEC trainees here - Natalia and Ania from Ukraine. And...there it began - six (yep, you read it right) six hours of wild shopping. We managed to visit 3 of the malls. It was rather interesting for me, as although malls look the same all over the world, here there was a traditional Indian fabrics and dresses section in each of the garment stores. And it was so colourful and beautiful...And, unlike malls back home, prices were indeed quite reasonable :) I bought some nice shirts and shalvars :) Scarves...of course... I am strating to really fall in love with the place!
Do you remember the times when there was snow for Christmas? I haven't seen a "white Christmas" for two or three years now...And there is something really magical and beautiful in the snowy Christmas. Anyways, today I realised that if you have a very strong desire for snow - your dreams come true. Therefore, to bring some magical Christmas spirit, I invite you to sing along with Bing Crosby:)
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas Just like the ones I used to know Where the treetops glisten, and children listen To hear sleigh bells in the snow
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas With every Christmas card I write May your days be merry and bright And may all your Christmases be white
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas With every Christmas card I write May your days be merry and bright And may all your Christmases be white
I recently watched Carlos Saura's FADO. Great movie. Great music. I was on the verge of tears. This music is so emotional and has some deep feeling of sadness in it. Here is one really great example Mariza - Meu Fado. Dedicated to all people that are not ashamed to start crying when they hear such a beautiful song.
It has already been two days and i still cannot believe it! Everybody was telling me how hard it is to find a proper AIESEC traineeship, that it takes so much effort and long months of sending e-mails. Well, I got matched to the first position I applied. Maybe it is beginners luck :) Maybe it is destiny! Ta-da-dam! Alcatel-Lucent in India, here I come. One year in Corporate communications in one of the most amazing countries in the world. Working along with a Brazilian guy and a Lithuainian girl as AIESEC trainees in Bangalore and Chennai. Challenging myself. Learning a lot. Living a different culture. The journey will start in less than two months. I have always believed that there are roads that have to be followed.This is such a road. It might be difficult, unexpected, uncomfortable, dirty and long. Yet I have already stepped on it and I will walk till the end. Sure it will be an exciting journey!
Well, I admit I am guilty for not writing here, but well...I got so addicted to my Bulgarian blog that it is hard to switch :)Besides, Being on Facebook, Twitter and everywhere else is quite tiring sometimes.One has to keep addictions in a certain limit :) I don't want to end up blogging all day, instead of doing something more meaningful. Hm...I have some stories to tell. Lets see where I can start and K.I.S.S. (meaning I will try to keep at short and simple as possible)
Been to the beautiful Budapest in the middle of October. Wonderful Central European city. Magnificent autumn. I would love to go again, along with my collegue Assya, who lived there for a year. She will be the best guide to some nice unexplored places:)Oh, and it is really unnecessarily expensive! Some pictures:
Started Yoga classes. It is fun. I can feel my back again. I realize that I have muscles:) The exercises are simple, but effective. I feel relaxed after. Megan says that there are also some side effects ( Hope she is joking actually;) )
Been two AIESEC conferences
I guess you realize when you are going old when you start going only to the parties of the AIESEC conferences. Well, I went for two - at the Local Introductory seminar of Technical University and at ACT. Actually I was one of the organizers of the alumni party at ACT. Surprisingly so many people came - around 50 alumni! Good try for a first time, I should say ;)
Applied for my first AIESEC internship It is the position of Communications executive with Alcatel-Lucent in India. Passed the first intervew and I am getting more and more excited :) Is my life going to change so drastically? I want it, but in the same time I am a bit scared. It is surely a challenge!
That's all for now...I hope I will find why blogger wouldn't upload my pictures :(
Not quite fitting into the "beauty standards" of the age, I have often wondered how it feels to be really beautiful and exercise the power of beauty upon others. And I really do not mean being sexy and using sexual power, although my suspicion is that is one of the main driving forces of the contemporary world :) I truly believe that seeing beauty makes people better and more honest. Yet, as God has not given all of us physical beauty - we should learn how to show our inner one (yep, my strong conviction - even the ugliest has some inner beauty). Of course - that does not mean not to take care of our appearance ;) One good step from quite an unexpected side are the ads of Dove. In the world of cosmetics, where everyone is flawless, every product makes you perfect and age and wight are the biggest sins, these guys have created some very nice campaigns to show that "well, not everything what u see is what u get" and "beauty is skin-deep". Enjoy the videos and keep the belief that beauty can be found even at unexpected places :)
This weekend I really felt the summer for the first time here in Sofia. I mean summer in its "chill out" sense. I listened to nice music - Arabic chillout, Gotan project and Chambao. I read two e -mails - from Emo (who is in Dubai) and from Mimka (that one reminded me so much of my visit to Krakow). They made me happy :) I made a small present to a friend. I met some friends and we went to the wonderful places like Coffee house where I drank delicious Ice-vanilla. I drank Mojito in the late afternoon. I went to Mediterani and sat there, on the leather sofas, in the coolness of the cellar, listening to relaxing music. I strolled to the park (Borisova garden) and walked barefooted on the grass. I found a bench and sat reading there. I was observing the people. Writing. Listening to music. I went to drink mint and sprite with some friends at a very nice part of the park - Lodki. It was as if the time had stopped and I was not quite sure we are in Sofia, actually. Then I took the long way home with Mitko. We walked for about 30 minutes through dusky and almost deserted Sofia boulevards. Amazing :)
I am ashamed to admit that form my long 25-year long life, I have never been in Burgas, actually, only passed through there. So, when Maya (or Zayo, as most of us know her) asked - is there anyone who wants to come to Burgas with me - I was the first volunteer :) So, here it was - my first visit to the Black sea coast this summer.There is such a strange rule - whenever you live near the sea - you almost do not notice it, you take it for granted, when you are away - you miss it... We took the Friday 4 o'clock bus, and because not all of the road is a highway, reached 6 hours later. Zayo's parents were, of course awaiting us, her mum, a very nice woman had prepared us a dinner.They made me the impression of very hospitable people and huge fans of sun-bathing - went to the beach at 8 in the morning every day. Saturday was a fully scheduled day - we woke up, had a nice home-made breakfast and went to the beach in Sarafovo, which seemed to be nicer than the one in Burgas. We stayed only two hours or so, and it was not quite sunny, yet at the end of the day I felt I was a bit sunburnt.
After the beach, I managed to convince Zayo to go to the city centre (she didn't want to, cause all the people were dressed up and they would stare at us as we looked like idiots in our beach-wear. Well, anyay, who cares?!). We walked on the beach and I had a few of these precious moments when I just stared at the magic waves and the sky, breathing the fresh air and feeling in a completely parallel Universe. Then we had lunch-o-dinner with Zayo's cousin who seemed a cool guy and gave us very useful instructions on where to drink what. The evening was committed to drinking sexy-named cocktails (Sex on the beach, Falling bikini, Double orgasm were only a few of the names) with Zayo and Kateto (who was so much sunburnt, that you could easily fry an egg at her leg). Marvelous! We went to the beach to check how people were preparing to meet JULY MORNING. I expected more people, gathered around huge fires, drinking beer and playing the guitar. We saw mostly drunk teenagers and a few enthusiasts that seemed to carry the hippie spirit in themselves. I felt so grown up and out of space. For the first time I wished I was 15 again (when I was 15 I actually was thinking like a 30 -year old, but that's another story). The moon was a perfect circle. Strange, tempting. Bitter yellow. We sat for a while, listening to the music from the nearby disco. Then we just went home. Sunday was devoted to the beach again...then a quick nap. I awoke as if awaking from a nice dream. I had to be back to reality. One more bit of the real me stayed on the bus...I read Haruki Marukami's "Sputnik, Sweet Hart" - a very nice book on love friendship and loneliness. We are all metal pieces circling the earth in their own orbits. Sometimes we meet for a while. Then we part, without promising each other anything. Some of us come back. If they have the guts to do so.
Well...here I am, back from that amazing journey in the wonderful Krakow... I knew nothing about the city when I started my journey, now I am full of stories and beauty:) Indeed, the pictures are here. What should I say - Krakow is one of the cities that make you feel at home almost immediately when you get off the bus. It has a wonderful atmosphere - of something ancient, historical and in the meantime - bohemian and cosmopolitan. Lots of tourists (especially British hooligans, whose sole goal is to get drunk:) ) so the people of Krakow avoid the Ryinek Glovny (the Main Square) and its surroundings. Anyways, as I had to explore it by myself, I should say - these were wonderful days of discovering beauty at expected and unexpected places. Things I will surely remember (and some of them deserve a separate post here): - The city is very compact - if you know the main square - you can get easily to any other place in the centre:) - Lots of parks, accessibility for bikes and 24-buses - All the time - life is burning and sizzling everywhere in the streets. Maybe because it was the 750th anniversary of the establishment of the city...Or maybe it is always like that. Especially at the Ryinek Glovny - action is always around in people dancing, performing, singing or playing some instrument. - Nice little streets with nice tiny cafes where u can just sit with a book and drink a cappucino , forgetting about the time - Interesting museums ( I only visited three though) but guided tours are preferrable (in some museums, like the Museum of Krakow history almost all writings are in Polish, which, excuse me, is a VERY tough language!) Well,I really cannot say it all in one post...but if I have to say it in one sentence it might be: I LOVE KRAKOW :)
It has been raining for two days now. It makes me a bit melancholic. But Sofia is so clean and beautiful after the rain. And I feel so full of hope,beauty and dreams... I am thinking of my favourite "rain" songs:
To all the people that remember and love the Russian cartoons I would like to dedicate the following song. I just grew up with Nu Pogodi. There was no American or western cartoons at this time. So we loved them :) And I just chose that song, as it always makes me remember my childhood and feel so sweetly melancholic. Enjoy (even though birthdays come only once a year) :)
Yesterday I was invited to the birthday celebration of one of the people I appreciate most in AIESEC - my first "boss" Petia. When I first met her, I wondered how it was possible for such a tiny fragile girl to be so firm and straightforward! I have been wondering ever since. She is such a nice person and I hope she is lucky in life:) Just a short note how we spend her birthday... First we went to "Krivoto" ...ah, it was so tough to resist all these delicious things.And...well, finally we didn't resist. We were only women with just one guy - Johnny. It was Petia, Megan, Sevi, Liana (the sweet Armenian trainee), Maya and Stassy. Stassy gave Petia a very well packed present:) Here is Petya trying to unwrap it... Step 1: "Let's see what is in here" Step 2: "C'mon, open up!" Step 3: "Finally:)What a nice surprise!"
After that, we went to "Bar at the end of the world" to dance at some retro music. It was rather nice, especially as John behaved as a real gentleman, and ordered champaigne for everyone. I will be waiting for some pictures... When we were saying goodbye something Petia said something that warmed my heart. "Thank you. My friends are my happiness". What else do I need to be happy than making some other person happy!
Now, it is high time I said Happy Easter, I guess :) Apart from all the Eastern -Western traditions that are mixing right now in Bulgaria, I really like Easter. Maybe I am not so convinced in the existence of the Easter bunny (and I really do not know what is the role of the Easter bunny, frankly)and I didn't take part in the colouring of the Easter eggs this year but... I LOVE EASTER Because it is a spring holiday. It is a feast of resurrection and renewed hope. It is a time of the year when beauty blossoms all around. You should not feel sad at this date. Everything is colourful, everybody -smiling :) And I am back in my hometown, taking all the incredible atmosphere it has to give me. From the Christian point of view, Christ's resurrection is even more miraculous than his birth. It is also a time of spending precious minutes with the family and closest friends. And for self-reflection. Have I been good enough? Am I doing my best? Is this what I want to do? Am I not envious sometimes? Questions questions questions crossing my mind all the time... Sometimes I wonder what questions other people ask themselves...Are they the same as mine?Or completely different?
I just came back from BLDS 2007. It was really a wonderful experience I will surely remember for a while. First of all, it was wonderful, because I was invited to speak in a panel with some of the people I admire most in AIESEC - former MCPs that shaped this organisation in Bulgaria and also great personalities. I felt so honoured to be there among them. Another reason I was happy was that I saw friends - old and new ones being there, smiling and having fun. I always get so excited when I see so many great people at one place! I just wanted to hug and kiss everybody, to talk to everybody...Unfortunately time is never enough at AIESEC conferences to do that! I wish I could keep the spirit longer. And I should say that... Thank GOD that I enetered AIESEC and met all these amazing people! :)
In the last few days I was ...excited about AIESEC, as Emo invited me on the official panel of BLDS. It is really an honour to be among Koceto, Krasi, Kalin:) ...happy because of AIESEC, when I saw the people applying for LCP of LC Plovdiv. I remembered the old days back in my home LC Varna. ...sad because of AIESEC,because the way the same elections in Plovdiv were organised and ended I was also excited for I had to take a major risk at work. I had to decide if I am willing to change my field. I did it and I do not regret. I would never forgive myself if I had missed the chance. Better regret for decisions made, then for decisions not made...
A nice nostalgic walk down my hometown's narrow cobbled streets
Yesterday I allowed myself a nice walk around the old part of Veliko Turnovo. It was simply marvelous. I won't tell you any more, just see the pictures:)
Sometimes you have a feeling for things before they happen... Today I felt quite retrospective. Remembering IPM in the Netherlands. Thinking how time has flown for me. 365 days have passed since my first post here - I found that while searching the archives.
A lot has changed. I feel AIESEC quite distant now. I am working a completely different job from I had imagined - yet quite challenging and interesting. I was disillusioned. I am excited. I will not be at this IPM , but still I am really excited. Cause some people I can call friends are running for AI. Cause my successor has chosen the difficult path of building something from scrach. Cause Egypt will gather 200 great people at one place and the feeling will be amazing.
Like it was at our MCP "crying" session in the Netherlands. I remember everyones face. More than 50 people and almost everyone with tears in their eyes. Grateful tears. I am so happy to have been there. And I am quite sure these people have stayed as great as I knew them. I sincerely hope they are all OK, no matter where around the world. Among friends, who could not be OK :)
