those moments

sitting in the park today with a book, trying to catch the last bits of sun
listening to Summertime
thinking how fast the summer went
as always
yet not regretting it is gone!just enjoying the aftertaste of it.
the warmth of the light on my face and the love in Ella's voice
the smooth narration of the book and the people passing by
then, something happened
as if time and space expanded and the world shrank into me
and i could feel it contained within myself
Is this God?
I dunno...But it felt so right and natural :)
And yes...God bless talented people that inspire me lately.
Macy Gray for example...her cover of Creep just gives me the shivers!It is so beautiful. Sad, but the kind of aesthetical sadness.

today was a good day for science...

...as Dexter would say :)
I was totally freaked out two days back when a doctor told me that I might "have to undergo surgery". Thank God,it was a false alarm...:)
Yes, I am healthy and I will not let any doctor claim the opposite! These people feel as if obliged to tell ya there is something wrong with your health. As if, you will feel bad, if they don't find anything wrong...
Also, I might be reaching the end of my so-very-long-visa-waiting process. Hope it happens soon and I manage to go back to India in 10days :)
Yupee!
I have been incredibly calm end relaxed these days. Maybe it is the spring :)
And...another proof was given of the "Law of attraction". Twin-souls always "feel" each other, no matter where they are.
As a body everyone is single, as a soul never.

letters

I miss writing and reading letters on paper...
Anyone interested to be my pen-pal :)?

spring coolage

spring is coming and inspiration tags along...
here is a coolage I made today

a leather bound journal
a nice light and healthy breakfast
funny patchwork rabbit-like doll
colourful cushions
warm, Maroccan style interior
and this fragile-looking NY girl,that is cuddling in her coat against the last winter-chills of March

waiting

Whoever said patience is a virtue was an extremely wise man.
The whole weight of the saying I have learned to carry recently.
waiting...
with no deadlines ahead
no clarity
no commitments and no promises
just storng belief and hope that if it is meant to happen, it will
life will do the best for me.

still it feels
like jumping from the edge of a cliff with your back turned to the dark abyss below
I don't know how long the fall will last
and will I land up in the cold, refreshing embrace of water
the rough touch of a solid rock
or the tender caress of a cushion

"I soar across the dark void of “the past is gone; the future is not yet here.” I have come to believe that is the only place that real change happens."

This is the time to face myself.
Not the deadlines, but the lack of deadlines defines me now.

long time no sea

I am going to the sea after a long time.
I saw it last in December 2007.
Yes, I saw the ocean in October last year...but it is not the same.
It was not my sea...tamed by the memories of so many hours, spent with precious people.
I didn't have the time to tame the ocean. I just took the memory of the deserted beach. Of people, I had got to know a day before, but my inner self felt like I have always known them. Of those rare moments of bliss when you are not thinking, just being.
Nevermind...
The sea. I am looking forward to seeing it. Smelling it. Feeling the cold wind blow through me (I have never been on very friendly terms with this wind). Breathing life.
It will be a long-craved home-coming.

I wish I could live by the sea some day.

home alone

home alone.
time to spoil myself with some nice things like...
hot, coffee flavoured bath
listening loud to Buena Vista Social Club on the gramophone
a glass of white wine
two-three spoonfulls of Nutella
and the latest translated in Bulgarian novel by Michael Cunningham - "Flesh and Blood"

sometimes it is good to be spoilt:)

inspiring day

inspiring day(I think I told u, there is something in the date of 23rd) :)
slumdog millionaire, controversial as it is, won 8 oscars
an indian friend invited me to a wedding
i am so happy for her and excited to think this is a good reason to buy a new saree, and learn to put it finally :)
i might be getting my visa and flying to delhi in a week
i had an amazing talk with the most unexpected person
on the essence of happiness and how to find it in life outside work and how doing the things we love attracts the right people in our lives
i had a lovely chat with a treasured friend. totally random, yet free and cheerful after a long time of some tension hanging in the air.
ideas forming in my head. plans for trips buzzing.
i think i need to get down to execution :)

half-baked

I started reading the "White Tiger" and one expression caught my eye - "half-baked cities for half-baked people".
It dawned on me why I felt so gloomy in the past few months.
I have been living in a "half-baked" city for a year. A place as hollow as the skelletons of the numerous concrete mamooths rising every night, shadowing thousands of lives. Full of thousands of half-baked people, whoose only purpose in life is life itself.
Hollow. That is the word a friend used describing another artificially created city. With no history. No spirit.
Sometimes the city I live in is, as the Red Hot Chilly Pepers sing "my only friend". Sometimes it is the best friend of all, because it will listen to your pains and offer you the consolation of its pulsating streets, the smile of its facades and the spirit of its people.
Not if it is half-baked. Not if it is hollow.
I pray that I will never have to live in a city like this for too long.

Conversation

- I do not want to stay in India. I can't. I am not really free there. How can I be happy if I cannot be myself...
- Then...why do you want to come back?
- To search for beauty, inspiration,love, wisdom...To learn.

Sometimes the paths we need to go are longer.
But they always lead us to where we should go.

back

Back to Sofia.
walking the same streets that bring so many memories.
breathing the air that seems fresh and clean.
sipping a large cappucino in my favourite Onda opposite the Russian church.
recieving unexpected calls.
meeting unexpected people.
spending time with close friends.
smiling.
a lot.
the look at people's faces when they first see me.
having my schedule full with meeting people.
drinking wine and eating cheese.
making tentative plans for concerts, parties, trips.
nothing has changed much in Sofia.
it is grey, dirty...a little sad.
nothing has changed...
except me.

thank you for the music...:)

Moving in the black and yellow Ambassador around the evening streets of Delhi.
Saying 'goodbye' for a while...God knows how long the while will be.
I will miss the place. Although it is dirty and crowded with human bodies. With sorrows and struggles.
I have started loving it.
One year in India has gone by so quickly, yet it is so full of intense experiences that, when I turn back, I cannot see anything negative. I see faces of people that have grown dear to my heart and that I will always remember and mention in my silent prayers, even if I never see them again. I see lots of love given and recieved.Lots of valuable lessons learned...
Maybe this is the reason that I have the sun smiling in my eyes lately...

Life is unpredictable.
You never know...:)

under the stars

and she was there
under the stars...
untamed
free
happy
she danced wildly
looked at the stars
spoke a bit with some people
thought about the men she loves
and she tried to escape the sticky stares and fake compliments
she thought how much u look like your mother
and wished you could be there
but she will let things happen and trust life.
and continue re-tuning the vibration to get the right frequency.

black...with a little bit of silver lining

today was black
woke up with the sound of pigeons making love in the AC box.
just as I did one month back.
Remember?
same but not quite so.
all day black thoughts were creeping in my mind.
terror attacks. war with pakistan.kashmir.gaza.gas crisis in bulgaria.
my heart was so heavy with only one single question.
where the hell is this world going...?
seems like i have woken up from a dream, to find myself in a nightmare.
and i recieved a very strange mail today from my yoga teacher
it said that we are entering a 20 day astrological period where some disturbing and negative events can be expected - like misunderstandings between people, confusion, problems...
what was recommended was
patience
self-reflection and evaluation of life
music
meditation
meetings with old friends
attention to details
well...that is exactly what I intend to do...hope it brings some silver lining...

On the first day of 2009...

My eyes are full of
blue skies
tired smiles
beautiful words
colourful people
intriguing book covers
My head is full of
questions
plans for the near future
doubts
memories of precious moments from the last year
thoughts about love and loved ones
quotes from "Shantaram"
My heart is full of
hope
desire
hunger to live
forgiveness
love
sorrow
happiness.
If I have to judge the year from the first day of it, 2009 is going to be an interesting one...

days

days go by
countdown has begun
they go too slow
small pieces of reality
remind me where i am
snapshots of a day
a colourful soup
eaten very slowly
the minutes on the cross trainer
5...10...15
tired of thinking
i sleep quite early
these days
and find consolation
in conversations
in God
and want to believe that miracles happen
at Christmas time...

Just a perfect day...

Woke at around 4 in the morning.
I could hear my soul wailing somewhere far. Metaphorically. In fact it was only the street dogs.
Suddenly I felt at peace and happy.
Woke up and decided not to wait for the others but head for Delhi straight away.
Dressed. My Bulgarian tee, the favourite green and white duparta,the hat that is not exactly mine. And the black coiled earring. Just one. As a statement...
Went to Landmark and bought a thing i love for a person I love. I love giving presents :)
Got on the bus to medical. Listening to Ostava. Started reading "Shantaram" and loved the style.
Peeped into the book of the girl sitting next to me. Maths.
I had to meet Ricardo and Pauline at Dilli Haat. Was wondering where to go, then the idea just sprang up in my mind. Of course we should go to Dilli Haat.
Waiting for them in the sunlight, jotting some names in my gift-list for home...trying not to forget someone and visualizing the meeting with these people.
Then, Ricardo and Pauline came, we strolled around Dilli Haat. Devouring the variety of colours and shapes. Scarves, wood, fabrics, leather, kites,jewelery, paper...a see of beautiful items that have caught the spirit of India. I thought of how much I will miss India when I go...
We had lunch at one of the restaurants. Huge portions we couldn't finish though I shared mine with a very fat cat and a skinny dog. Remembered how Neeraj told me how he loves the place.*Inner smile:) Remembered how I went there first with Andre and was fascinated. *Inner smile :)We moved to Sarojini market...the familiar crowd and mess, and the memories of waiting for Julie to do her last minute shopping. Pauline bargained furiously for a pair of earrings.We saw a belly-dancer costume. Remembered Pondy trip and the hilarious "dancing night" at the hotel. I really need to learn Indian dances, I made a point to myself.
Then, we headed to CP...said goodbye to the guys. Knowing I will meet them someday...somehow:)
Walked on the road where we walked together last Sunday. Remembered how beautifully confused and excited u were...Indulged in the pain of the memory. Thought about what Vesi said..."let yourself be sad". Strolled around, listening to Niyaz, thinking of the time we will spend with Vladi when I am back. Simply being happy of where I am.
Got into a Coffee Day, ordered a latte and opened Shantaram again. Observed people around as I love doing...Saw that the B8ulgarian lady - Mariana had called me.
She happened to be in CP as well...so can we meet for coffee?
Thought how much I love accidential meetings. They just make my day :)
Mariana was with her husband - the Austrian diplomat and the two kids - a 9-year old girl and 12-year old boy. Pleasant surprise that they greeted me in Bulgarian:)
Then - the excitement of speaking my mother tongue to someone I meet for the first time, but I know I connect to. Conversations about life and love and India and Delhi. Where will I live next? Cairo? Istanbul? Funny I never thought of Istanbul in this way :) Sharing pleasant moments and a sinful chocolate cake with this amazing family that has lived here and there...
I had to go back to Gurgaon...so I got into an autorick...The driver was nice. Tried to explain me where the cabs stop in Hindi. I believe I should learn a bit of Hindi. As a part of my endeavour of digging deeper into the great Indian soul:) Would be nice to talk to people just like that...
Then, I was quite anxious if I will manage to catch the right bus but luckily it came very quickly :) Sat down and had a random (but pleasant) conversation with an Indian boy. I like conversations with strangers in buses and trains :)
Just a perfect day...and the happiness of the moments is still lingering in me...

Cooking

I cannot cook.
I used to bake cakes and cookies when I was at school.
Loved it:)
But somehow priorities changed, time became less, I moved out of home.
And never got into cooking...
However, India sort of sparkled my interest in the art of cooking.
Many reasons I guess. First being that Indians are such foodies. You can hardly resist getting into cooking when everyone around adores food and knows how to cook!
Besides, I am kind of tired eating in the same food-court every single day. A diet of chinese noodles-rice-mcDonalds-subway is not the best one can have.
I am experimenting now.
It is rather amusing...I just love mixing spices, putting unexpected ingredients into the dish.
Raisins. Honey. Pomegranade.
I guess in the beginning I will need a lot of guideance...But when I get better I will definitely put cookbooks aside.
Who needs them anyways?
It's an art. And all you need is inspiration, love and someone to share the end result with :)

My amazing life recently...

Ok...this is what happened to me in the last week...
On Saturday I was a model, ramp-walking in front of all Alcatel-Lucent in NCR employees and their families (around 2500 ppl). Being groomed, dressed up etc etc.
It was so much fun!:)
I had late conversations with what i believe is a God-sent ambassador. He saved me from ruining the happiness of someone that means a lot to me.Made me realize once again how hard it is to really love. And how far I can go for love...
Emo, my ex-team mate from the Bulgarian MC called in and we met and chatted for this and that. People we know and their lives around the world. Our own amazing lives...Feels good to meet someone that u have shared so much with in the past :)
I had a wild Friday night out with some colleagues. Almost went to extremes...I needed that!
Today I met Alcatel-Lucent global CEO - Ben Vervyaawen. Very energetic and charismatic man! Had breakfast with his wife who is so nice :)No star-attitude, very pleasant to talk to...
I also made a decision to move to Delhi. Try to shift my social circle a bit.
A friend of a friend from Bulgaria called. She is gonna live in Delhi for the next 4 years. And she seems quite a nice person. So exciting I am going to have someone that speaks my language here :)
All in all...pretty amazing :)
Now what is left - to get peace of mind...seems to hard at the current state of affairs. I am more and more learning how to use mind control over feelings...Let's see how long I will manage...

laziest weekend ever...

Just spent the most amazingly lazy Sunday in my life so far.
Anca and me whent to Bisha's house for dinner yesterday...
Got totally high on wine (and a bit of Baileys).
Bulgarian rakia was the absolute hit, everyone taking shots (although i told them they should drink it slowly)...the alcohol in it being around 50 degree...it is easy to grasp that everyone was so happy and smiling and high in no time ;)
Then...after the alcoholic devastation, we woke up at around 1 and were about to leave...but then we had lunch...then chai and sweet conversations ranging from matrimonials to what are our plans for the near future and from Indian sweets to politics and Dracula (Anca is Romanian after all) and business plans.
Then, when I almost believed we are starting back for Gurgaon, we decided to have dinner...Ridz's cousin Suhil who is working in a hotel, made this amazing mutton with coconut juice...All in all this guy was pretty much spoiling us - making pancakes, tea, chicken soup :)
All in all - we did nothing but chill the whole day...
It was probably the first time that I have had such a lazy day...and I loved it :)

catch the fleeting moments

The colourful kites in the fading Jodhpur sky.
Freedom re-defined.
Marble as thin and subtle as a whisper.
Simple daal and rice eaten with fingers and thus so delicious.
Blissful mornings with coffee and meaningless conversations with meaningful people.
The colours of Rajastan.
Melancholy of fading splendour.
Being tired from too much beauty.
These people. Their smiles, their gestures,their words.
true moments of fleeting happiness I just managed to catch :)

Almost single...looking for a Punjabi ;)

Reading "Almsot single" has been enough fun, yet who knew that i could be involved in a husband-hunt in real life.
Today, after a very agitated discussion over lunch my two bosses decided that I am a true Punjabi girl.
I behave like a Pujabi (understand - make dramatic gestures and wobble my head)
I talk like Punjabi
I eat like Punjabi (tandoori chicken is among my favourites, yet i have heard that Punjabi food is generally very oily)
I dress like Punjabi
Well...I really have no clue ...I had to take their word for it for the sake of everyone's entertainment.
The most funny part was when they decided to get me a registration in one of these matrimonial sites , put a picture and get me a Punjabi husband :))))
Then, I could live in a big house, have a Mercedes and a washing machine to make lassie in (i couldn't actually believe it, but it turned out that these people really use washing machines to make lassie!)
So...that's the news...I am going to wait for my filthy rich and pretty hairy Punj prince to come on a white horse...or rather a white BMW :)))

low

the sky was low today
i was waiting for a storm that never came
tired of the thick, tense air
almost feeling the solitude sticking to my skin
missing people
feeling distant
not a part of the puzzle
or part of a different puzzle
feeling that love is more evasive than ever
i so much need a God's sign these days
but i am probably too shortsighted to find it in little everyday things
but as it is said in one of my favourite songs
"it's a new dawn, it's a new day and i'm feeling good"
let's see what the new dawn brings :)

My world

India is a country where you can rarely get privacy.
With so many people around you are always bound to have someone intruding your personal space (even if the person might not be doing it deliberately). In our place u-59 as we live like a big family - there is constantly someone in our room...
That makes me treasure my moments of solitude even more. I am a very social person, but I need this time spent in my own world.
To think, dream or create characters and plots in my mind.
There is something playfully childish to be able to isolate yourself from the outside world and just observe.
Today I got the chance to do it -I was listening to my music and describing my India experience, while observing the two friends of mine chatting.There were two different worlds...
Sometimes I really feel sorry for those, whose inner world is deserted or full of too many elements of reality and dqily prose. Must be very sad and boring sometimes...

Falling in love again...

I am falling in love...almost every day...
With peoples' smiles.
I love the smile of the Barista boy in the morning - makes the coffee taste even better:)
I love latin smiles - so big and full of happiness...as if life is...just a game:)
I love children smiles.
I love ordinary people, everyday smiles.
I love smiling eyes.
I love big grins and tiny, shy smiles.
And if you SMILE while reading this post, I will be more than happy :)
Seems happiness is not so hard to get...

Life is about...

...simple things.
Long conversations over a huge cup of Mocca with a German girl that I didn't know a month ago (Thanks Kat:))
Hearty laughs over the stories of a Spanish guy I just met.
Driving back home on a bike.
Writing an e-mail to my friends on the balcony, with the wind blowing.
My new set of bangles.
The challenges at work.
Having spent 1500 Rs on books (Lonely planet guide on India and Love in the time of cholera).
The anticipation of reading Khaled Houseini's "A thousand splendid suns".
Not knowing what will happen to me in one year and still being sure I have so many oportunities.
Having seen Jodha Akbar - a naive 3-hour long love story, I didn't understand any conversation in, as it was all in Hindi.
Learning something new every day.
It is so simple and beautiful.
Then...why do we go and make it complicated.

India...the beginning

It has been I long time since I haven't updated this blog. The reason is one – no time for blogging, as I am in India already.
I arrived in Gurgaon (some 20 minutes by car from Delhi) early on Thursday morning. My first adventure was getting to my place, as there was noone to pick me up at the airport. It was a bit scary to travel in a taxi in the dark, deserted streets of a completely unknown town. But – all's well that ends well and I reached safely and was met by Andre (I felt a bit guilty on waking him up), my collegue that will be working for Alcatel-Lucent in Bangalore. Honestly, he is really precious – helped me a lot in my first days...Just now it is that I fully realise how important it is to help someone integrate when on a traineeship. And this is, undoubtedly done best by other trainees, who have experienced that before.
I already had some taste of Delhi nightlife, as Friday night we went to a very nice club – Urban Pind. AIESEC interns seem to hang out there a lot...and there is always a bunsch of colourful expatriates I was told.
During the weekend we explored Delhi and went to a craft-festival in a nearby city – Faridhabad. It was so awesome – colourful, crowded and beautiful. And it was really huge – we were going around the place for 4 hours!
I am slowly starting to arrange things for my stay here and getting into daily work routine. It is really interesting – i already attended some of the meeting in the Corporate communications department. I still need to do so much reading, but I guess I will handle it fast. And the people at work are really positive and friendly, which makes learning easier :)
Well, this is about the end of my update. Actually, a strange melancholic mood is overcoming me the last two days – maybe because I am starting to miss home. Yet, I will get over it – a huge adventure lies ahead :)

The official language of Brasil...

Well,I am ashamed to admit it, but I was thinking that the official language of Brasil is...Spanish.
And I made this terrible, stupid mistake, asking Gabritu (my Brasilian collegue at Alcatel-Lucent) to help me learn Spanish...
Actually he explained that the official language in Brasil is Portugese (blush).
Then a funny thing happened.
We went to a bar, I was explaining to some friends about that confusion, when a guy asked me: "Excuse me, do u speak Portugese". Obviously he was Portugese himself and had overheard our conversation. I told him (in English of course)what we were talking about and he smiled at my confusion.
That's a little lesson on cultural sensitivity. Now I know for sure what the official language in Brasil is

Lazy Saturday

Today i had an extremely lazy day...
I need to write one text, but I just cannot make myself do that.
Here is a cartoon very appropriate for the case ;)
I dunno maybe - laziness is sometimes useful...
What do u think?

Friends in need are friends indeed :)

In that case the need was to drink some cocktails...
Thank you Reidi and Pe :)

The city I live in...

...is unfortunately NOT the city of angels.
It is called Sofia, and it is dirty, packed with agressive people and...
did I mention that it is sometimes very very hard to cross the street there.
Please, do not watch the video if you are very sensitive.

One of those days...

Today was one of those days...
You know what I am talking about - the days that are all full of little nice surprises and accidental meetings that make you happy:)
Well, going out to the office (as today is a normal working day, as tomorrow will be) I saw on the front door that my first postcrossing card had arrived from Finland:) Yupee!
I walked a bit down the street and just bumped in an old friend I have lost completely track of:) It was great to get her mobile number again (last time I tried to call, some guy picked up and insisted that there is "no such girl here") :)
Then, I had to work a bit...well, I really do not like working on weekends, but my trip to Krakow has to be compensated with an extra workload obviously.
After work I met a friend and we visited the "book fair" in the National palace of culture. I bought five (yes, five ;) ) books - mostly children's books - Karlson, who lives at the roof, one Bulgarian book, Winnie the Pooh's Dao and Pigglet's D and one 'serious' book by Haruki Murakami :)
I decided to visit some friends in Studentski grad and while travelling met one of the sweet salsa instructors. I have never talked to him much, so it was cool to discuss books and stuff. Actually on the bus back I met him once again, which was rather funny :)
I realized that the Placebo concert will take place on the 18th June (not 15th as I first understood), so...if my bus comes back from Poland in the right hour, I might be able to get to the concert! I want it so much...
Then, on coming back home I found another postcard from an unknown girl lying on my table. A beautiful photo of Lisbon (which I want to visit so much).
I love such days - they show me that sometimes things just happen. When you need them to.

A little international afternoon :)

Today I accidentially decided to go out for coffee with Stassy. Should have guessed that she is going to bring some Erasmus students along...
So here we were - me, Stassy, Galya , Jasmina (Austria), Sebastian (Germany) and a Spanish girl (whose name I forgot, but she was sweet).
We went to Apart:mental - it was rather nice, seemed that the teens don't go there so much already. I drank coffee with some liqueur - I do not know what do they do - but it is always marvelous!
We talked a lot about traveling, well...let's say already I have some kind of ideas for travel plans for the summer...Istanbul, Budapest and Belgrade were the first three destination. No it is all a matter of organizing ourselves.Which...indeed is not so easy, but we have to manage!
Then, we went into the nearby garden of "Ugo" where we met Mareike with two other Germans. The girl happened to write a thesis on Media issues and she had met two of my collegues!The world is really so small:)
Then, Vladi promised to drive us home with his car. Yet, he is not a very experienced driver and not without the help of Stassy we got lost 2 times:) It was great fun though!
Tomorrow I am leaving for Turnovo:) I intend to explore some of the streets of the old part of the town I haven't been to...Keep fingers crossed for good weather and expect pictures :)

le monde fou ( random examples that the world has gon crazy:) )

And I like it indeed :)
A pinch of madness brings spice to the daily routine...
So let's see:

My roomate Radi decided to get a new haircut. It was around 2 a.m..So - she just pretended to be a harirdresser and cut her hair off:) I wouldn't risk:)

***
At work, we have those water dispensing machines.The rule is that at each floor a certain amount of water is consumed weekly, otherwise they do not install a machine.And yesterday I saw one of my collegues to pour water from the machine and then - out of the window!She had to do it, otherwise - no water machine. Yet I still consider this a bit irresponsible:)

***
Yesterday in the morning I just decided that I want to go to Plovdiv. Thanks to the sweet Angel who agreed to host me for a night...I have packed my bag and I am leaving in les than 10 hours. Yupeeee :)

Babel or...the lack of communication

On saturday night I watched Babel - a wonderful movie that made me cry (like 21 grams from the same amazing director did).
There were some very real , absurdly real situations in which the social and political restrictions didn't allow people to interact with each other.
It was so absurdly real - people walking around, pretending to be communicating and understanding each other. Even caring...But then, in crisis situations it showed that indeed everyone was living in their egoistic little world, everything was so false and superficial.
Often, it is really like that - maybe more than fifty percent of the people I meet I know -do not care much for me.Nor do I care for them, anyway. From a humane point of view - I am quite empathic though. The paradox exists - i may despise someone as a person, because he is lacking some qualities, but from the humane point of view - I might be empathic to this person because of the situation he is in, or simply because he lacks some good qualities...
I just cannot loose that side of me. Start hating people just because of their pdark side. I just like them by default and I guess it will take some time and lots of disappointments for me to start hating the human nature. Even then, I believe I will be able to forgive:)

I just felt like hugging

Sometimes a hug is what I really need.
Like now...
I am so tired of people being so artificial and official.
That's why I want you to watch this and imagine as if I am giving you a big hug :)

Shorties

I took the famous BBC Brain sex test on Saturdy and...the most interesting of the results are:
-my brain is balanced man and woman thinking ( I knew that I am a real man from the start)
- I like more feminine faces ( haha - what a surprise:P , whou would guess...)
***
On Sunday the new MCP of AIESEC in Bulgaria was elected. His name, as you already know is Ivaylo Dimov - a nice young man, which I bet is quite hardworking and ambitious. It was a rather calm election procedure (compared to the ones I have seen) though I was once again convinced this is not the AIESEC I was happy of being a part of.Tout est cool, mais...some things are just not done like that...
***
Touday I got really upset that my Dad seems to be soo worried that I do not have a serious boyfriend. I got an offer from a friend to present him as a "fake" one. I also didn't get the support of another friend. Men...

Freaky stuff

Today I received two rather freaky offers:

I was invited to go to a trans-sexual party on Saturday with a gay and some guy I do not even know

Yet, that was not all

I was offered by a gay to become a mother of his in-vitro child as soon as possible!

I am reaaaaly starting to think things are getting out of control here:)

Lack of communication

I found out that I really hate the lack of communication at work.
It is not that I am interested very much in everyone's personal life, but still - I think it is good to know some basic stuff about people - so you can start some kind of "small talk" when necessary.
Well, seems it is not so important to other people.
For example - we do share birthdays and namedays, but other nice (or not so nice) stuff is not shared.
I just learned today that two of my collegues were pregnant (wouldn't hurt if they told us:) )
When one of my collegues left - it was not officially announced.
When another one was moved to another job-position within the company - nothing.
When three new people came - also - no official presentation in front of the others.
I guess it is the HR's responsibility to do these, yet people might also dare to take the lead.
They have nothing to loose in the situation:)

Parle vous...?

On Monday I went to the French Institute to join a French class (beginner level of course). It was an awful experience for several reasons:
- the girls at the Intsitute were very impolite - behaving as if we ( I was with one collegue) owed them something
- they charged us 10 levs for the so called "entry test", meant to check our entry level so we are able to join the appropriate group ( sadly, nothing was said for the price of the test on the website:( )
- I had to pass through the above mentioned test, and I felt really really stupid, not knowing how to compose a very simple sentence in French. Excuse-moi:(
- finally, when we paid for the course, they gave us cards...and 5 minutes after I realised I had already lost mine
And, I am finally so happy that two of my evenings will be full of French classess.Almost no free time left...
Anyways, I like the idea of starting something new, as I feel a bit stuck at the moment.
Why French - everyone has been trying to explain that I don't need it, that I will forget it if I do not practice...but - I just like it:) Do I need more reasons for studying?

Haven't been here for a while

Haven't posted here for a while.
I don't have time really ( which might be considered as a poor excuse for bad time-management). And when I have the desire to write...I am really piled up with work.
It's been an interesting weekend.
There was a General assembly of AIESEC in Bulgaria which lasted almost the whole day on saturday, eating up the little time I have for myself. Nevermind. It was good to be there.
Although I felt all the time that nothing has changed, it is still the same. Some people are putting efforts in doing something that others prefer to ignore. Some people are willing to change something...but it stays the same.
We are inventing new rules to "prevent us" , not trying to reach the state of mind that will need almost no rules for the work.
And one thing that is a rule - we never ever TALK.
Whatever happens.
It is so awfully sad that a great job can be spoiled by miscommunication.
It happens everywhere.
Wish I could invent a way to overcome it.
Actually coldplay have said it better:
So you don't know were you're going, and you wanna talk
And you feel
like you're going where you've been before
You tell anyone who'll listen but you feel ignored
Nothing's really making any sense at all
Let's talk, let's ta-a-alkLet's talk, let's ta-a-alk

I met Geraldine (finally) and she is sweet (as I expected) - came under the "bad influence" of our lovely alumni Sevi and Megan. They proposed her to go around the "100 touristic sites of Bulgaria" and collect all the stamps and she thought it was somekind of cool game (she was so cute). Indeed it can be a game - a competition who will collect more of the stamps:) Sevi and Megan are seriously into it:)
Then...the Sunday is so nice...but passess so fast.
I wish I could live in an eternal Saturday for a while:)

Sushi XP

I had a very nice Sushi XP with Boris and Angel :)
I had a chat some time ago with Angel and he promised he will cook for me. To my surprise, he kept his promise and on coming to Sofia this weekend announced "I will teach u how to prepare sushi"
And then, I was sent for products (it was too good to be true - a guy cooking and having all the products ready :P)I had to buy cucumbers, salmon and avocado. I went through the whole ciry centre without finding the avocado (and reseived a solid reproach from the cook afterwards).
Then, the preparation was cool. Angel had brought with him some sticks and taought us how to eat with them ( my favourite part was me, dropping the food in the soya sause, as Boris didn't stop bulshitting:)- it wasn't a very elegant way of eating, anyway...)
Indeed, what I think is needed for a good sushi might be the following:
rice (special type)
fish
cucumbers
special seaweed to stuff the rice in
avocado (if u can find)
a nice guy, willing to teach u how to cook (REQUIRED)
another nice guy, doing nothing but making u laugh (PREFERRED)
Well, I guess the "sushi" lovers already have 1000 reasons to hate me, so I will stop here.
Just before I leave - a HUGE THANK YOU , guys, for the sushi XP ( better than AIESEC XP maybe :) ). I hope u enjoyed it as much as I did!

I need my sleep!!!

Recently I have been so hungry for sleep.
I know that I can go without food a long time, but without sleep - c'est impossible! Maybe this is because I am too sensitive to the world and I get too many impressions, so my poor little brain has to have enough time to process all the info that it is consuming during the day:)And, besides - I am quite illogical, unable to make a very structured picture of the world around me...so it really takes time.
Strangely, I sleep around 7-8 hours, which before proved to be enough...but now. Maybe because it is a new job, I am trying to get used to new patterns, new habits.
The pressure is often quite high, and, as a new member of the team I do not know how to react.
Besides, I didn't have a free day for two weeks now - to do the stuff I like doing in my free time. I have been attending a Reuters course on Financial markets and company reporting. It is rather interesting indeed, yet the hall where we are staying has no natural light and air and some luminiscent lamps...that make me really sleepy. You can imagine, adding to that that I stayed till 2 a.m. (again!) at the office and will be attending two parties tonight and tomorrow, how productive I am - constantly fighting with my eyelids:)Yet another thing is really strange - as if my brain just switches off when I am not working, as a reaction to protect itself from overheating. And I am feeling in a kind of a delirium:)

The dice is thrown...

I have made the choice for my future career development or at least the next several years of it.
It is decided.
I was offered a permanent job at "Capital" and I accepted.
I will be responsible for writing for Real Estates and Building sectors.
That's it.The coice.Good or bad.
That's it.
I think I am happy:)
And I have a pile of Real estate magzines to read:)

A room with a view...

This weekend has been a hectic moving in, carrying stuff up and down some stairs and arranging it, cleaning and some other nice and exciting things.
Finally I am in my new flat. Well, my luggage is still lying in big piles in the centre of the room, yet I am happy.
I have a view to Vitosha mountain and "Alexander Nevski" cathedral and I can hear the bells ringing in the morning...
It is so unreal...Like the fact that I saw 2 rainbows for three days.

Positivity attracts positivity:)

There must be some truth when people say that the attitude influences the things that happen to you during the day.
Today was an example on that.
In the morning we went to see a flat, and - we found our home. A nice - two room apartment in the centre of Sofia, with a view to Alexander Nevski cathedral from one of the terrases.
The owner is an artist - and the place is really cosy. Seems that God again has thought about it ;)To place artistic people in artistic house :)
Since the morning, a huge burden fell off my heart and I started to feel happy and excited.
Then, we went to have coffee in one of the small streets of Sofia - just opposite Dani's ( a nice tiny restaurant). I love these small streets. They are so timless...I felt as if I am not in Sofia and it is not Tuesday:)
There was a couple - a woman in her 40ies ( when I saw her I thought how ruthless time is - it was clear that she had been beautiful some years ago, but now...) and a man, maybe in his 50ies and they were speaking French.
It was quite interesting. To chat like that not in your native language, but in French...
Then, at work - Jana had a birthday and me and Hrisi prepared a little surprise - a wooden elephant with stick-it notes. Jana was so happy.
And, shame on us - we ate so much ice-cream - a whole box of half a kilo...
Then, I was thinking over that strange situation - I don't have a boyfriend for a year now, yet I have been emotionally entangled in something like a "relationship". I have considered myself "single" yet was I really single???
Anyways - after an afternoon of taking an online course at on reporting basics, I was given an interesting task on international transportation.Will start the research tomorrow.
I received a farewell mail from Mike and it made me feel how great the people I have met in AIESEC are. And how happy I am to have had the chance to meet them.
And now, I am going to see Mimka and the two CEEDers from UK and Poland that are now in Plovdiv.
Seems that my positive mood from the morning is giving results all through the day :)

Moving to...who knows where:P

Today I moved out of my room in Studentski grad.
Strangely, I felt a bit melancholic. This room saw some of the worst moments of my year as a President of AIESEC.
At times I couldn't stand my roomates and stayed outside when I felt like crying, as I knew I am not coming back "home" but to a "bee's nest".
I learned a huge lesson - never live with the people you work with, especially when you are a boss and have to give them tasks. They can make your life a nightmare.
Anyways...this is in the past.Forgiven and forgotten.
When my roomates moved out, it was a bit lonely.
I had to be alone, with no presence in my intimate circle, which left me face to face with my biggest fears, sorrows and doubts.
Now I moved in one room with Radi - my future roommate.
It is quite crowded - I trip over stuff I have left everywhere. And one of the three beds is completely occupied by tons of huge blue bags packed with my stuff...
Well, quite an atmosphere, but I hope it will soon be better.
And I think I will be missing the block, and Studentski grad.
With moving out a whole stage of my life is over.
The stage of dreaming of studies in Sofia University, The stage of dreaming of nevernding parties, then - being accepted in Varna, then - coming to Sofia to work for AIESEC and finally living in Studentski.
The one and only organised by me party from my last birthday, when so many people I didn't expect.
The evenings with Eli discussing stupid stuff over a cappuchino.
The cockroach invasion I couldn't ever stop with any means.
I think I will miss the place:)