How much does your life weigh?

"How much does your life weigh? Imagine for a second that you're carrying a backpack. I want you to pack it with all the stuff that you have in your life... you start with the little things. The shelves, the drawers, the knickknacks, then you start adding larger stuff. Clothes, tabletop appliances, lamps, your TV... the backpack should be getting pretty heavy now. You go bigger. Your couch, your car, your home... I want you to stuff it all into that backpack. Now I want you to fill it with people. Start with casual acquaintances, friends of friends, folks around the office... and then you move into the people you trust with your most intimate secrets. Your brothers, your sisters, your children, your parents and finally your husband, your wife, your boyfriend, your girlfriend. You get them into that backpack, feel the weight of that bag. Make no mistake your relationships are the heaviest components in your life. All those negotiations and arguments and secrets, the compromises. The slower we move the faster we die. Make no mistake, moving is living. Some animals were meant to carry each other to live symbiotically over a lifetime. Star crossed lovers, monogamous swans. We are not swans. We are sharks."
This is a quote from Up in the Air
with a nicely vulnerable George Cloney.
I like the backpack metaphor and I agree that we often do carry stuff that is heavier than we can and need to. Including relationships. Including pains and fears and bad memories.
I do not agree we need to completely empty our backpacks. It is more like we need to put only the most necessary staff that we need for this unpredictable journey. And it is always so hard to pack for that one, ain't it?
To choose what to leave behind. To let go.
Yet a lighter backpack makes the journey more pleasurable and the the road ahead -clearer.

cold outside/burning inside

It is minus 10 outside. Yet I don't really mind.
Weekend was used up to the last minute in doing pleasurable things.
Yesterday I made my first muffins. And inspired one more person to make muffins too :)
Tried to do some Masala Chai. Masala Chai Sve style has loads of ginger and lacks half of the other spices ;)
I found a cool idea for making a fabric "origami necklace". Did it - bloody red and sexy :)
How great it is to try new things, isn't it?
As a perfect ending of this inspiring weekend - a warming-up mixture of milk, cognac,cinnamon and ginger and this wonderful note, which I found on Ivata's blog.

As I began to love myself

Doing things you really ♥ makes a great difference.

I just couldn't help but share it...

...and all the colours I am inside
have not been invented yet.

This a wonderfully inspiring TED talk on education.
Especially loved little book-seller Salman's wisdom:)
Tomorrow I will attend the first TEDxBG event and I know I will be meeting some wonderfully inspiring people.
Wow!It feels like I am getting closer :)

Les jours tristes...

Listening to: Les jours tristes

The period straight after New Year's eve is quite uneasy. Everyone's tired of drinking and eating and partying. It is time to face reality and taxes. New Year's resolutions that sounded so easy just a week ago now look impossible to achieve.
To sum up - it is past midnight and your wonderful carriage has turned into a pumpkin.

Weather is not helping either - one day it is minus 10 and heavy snow,the next one plus 10 Celsius and slush-y.

Thankfully - life goes on :)This year I decided to learn new things and I am trying to keep that commitment. Tried learning to make scoobies and...no success. It looks pretty easy but indeed it is hard...BUT I will do it.
Also, I think I will go try ice-skating this weekend...I never managed to learn due to my lovely childhood friends who took me to the middle of the rink and left me there. Oh, that was real falling...to the point that it was not even funny any more ;)

So, I am trying not to over stress with the master plan to completely transform myself in a beautiful princess. Slowly, slowly ma friend and let's c how it goes...

Instead of a New year's resolution

This year I didn’t go to India, as planned. I stayed home instead.
It took time to retune myself, but I did it. No regrets.
I didn’t make a lot of new international friends. I reconnected with the good old friends back home.
I didn’t mourn over my broken heart. I chose to believe in love instead. In all the shapes and forms that it came into my life.
This time I didn’t try to escape. I chose to face those fears and questions instead. It was hard and still is.
I didn’t live life in the fast lane. I tried to slow down a bit instead. Listen, feel and think it over.
I was grateful and truly happy.
I realized that giving is what really makes me feel good.
I made some people smile and kept some people sane (according to their words). A lot of people made me smile too ;).
I realized Law of attraction works when you focus on what you really want them to be a part of your life.
Of course, I also…
Wasted a lot of time.
Missed some people.
Cried sometimes.
Shouted at people occasionally.
Felt blue.
Made judgments.
Can’t promise I won’t do those in the next year.
What I promised myself is to focus on getting better at things that really matter for me. Drop all the unnecessary luggage. Doubts, fears, regrets and negative thoughts – over the board.
I realize it is not going to be easy. I will most probably have to unfollow a good deal of blogs and tweets, un-friend people in Facebook and real life. I will have to keep my curiosity but let go of the “have to know it all” feeling.
Of course it won’t be a quick-and-easy fix. It is going to take time and next year might be just the beginning.
Nevermind. I am ready and willing to continue this journey.

If only

I watched a rather full of cliches movie called "If only"

"What if someone walks from you and you never see them again?"

"Some things in life we cannot influence. We only have power over our choices."

Death. Falling in love. Love falling apart.Life taking an unexpected turn.I guess when we encounter these things we cannot influence, we face drama.Cause we realize that actually do not have control over our lives (the control freaks that we are.

But we still have a choice of what we do when those things occur. Do we continue to live in the realm of "if only-s" (which is the realm of past or imaginary present). Or really live in the real present. And because this choice is so tough, letting go is seldom easy.

you can never dip your hand into one and the same river...

had a wonderful
fun-and-friends love-filled day today
do u remember what it was a year back?
i do still.
yet life heals.
the most beautiful quality of life is that it is ever-changing.
everything passes.
it's a river, not a pond